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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 45
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OP
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Some people have a way of gently shaping this world and the people they touch for the better. I know someone like that!! Hunger Mountain Clay [v1] She comes down from the mountain top once a week, in her old coveralls with a big red streak, of Hunger Mountain clay, you can't wash it away. And she peddles her pottery from store to store, picking up receipts and leaving more. There's people willing to pay for what she makes from clay. [chorus] She just sees what most people don't, a shadow of a tear, hiding in a stone figure of a child, who'll never see the light of day. The way she shapes his face with a gentle hand, no one else can understand, but it's so much more than Hunger Mountain clay. [v2] I used to walk to the liquor store twice a day, if she saw me, she'd stop with something nice to say. "What a beautiful day! Are you doing OK?". When she needed help with her September burn, keep the kiln fire going, and in return, give me what I'd lost along the way. [chorus] She just sees what most people don't, a shadow of a man, drowned in a half-empty glass of sorrow, he can't see the light of day. The way she shapes this world with a gentle hand, no one else can understand, but it's so much more than Hunger Mountain clay. [bridge] Throw me down on the table, and turn me, won't you hold me in the fire, and burn me. [v3] Now when the cold wind stiffens up the autumn air, I grab my old coveralls, and I go back where, her mountain cabin rises from the hay. Where she shows me pieces from her latest run, and I smile to myself, coz I know I'm one. Hunger Mountain clay, you can't wash it away. [chorus] She just sees what most people don't, a shadow of a tear, trapped in a stone figure of a woman, who'll never see the light of day. The way she shapes her face with a gentle hand, no one else can understand, but this is so much more than Hunger Mountain clay. [outtro] She comes down from the mountain top once a week, in her old coveralls with a big red streak, of Hunger Mountain clay, you can't wash it away.
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Joined: Jun 2006
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Nice character-based story, John. We don't see many songs about clay.
Jim
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Joined: Jan 2010
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Thanks for the listen Jim. I'm Glad you liked the story.
"We don't see many songs about clay."
That statement cracks me up for some reason. Thanks man.
John
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985 Likes: 22
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John,
I really like this "Americana feel" song; good melody especially and a nice concept lyrically. Love the harmonica intro and the mandolin within the song.
Nice balance in your mix as well for the instrumentation being used. I would actually prefer hearing more piano in place of the organ and a few more harmonica bursts as I think the song would feel even more Americana without that organ "rhythm bed." (Not that it sounds bad mind you), and JMO should you want to emphasize a more Americana genre.
The half empty glass line in Ch 1 a little "wordy" prososdy-wise, might experiment there with the phrasing. I like the Bridge melody and like the last line, but not sure about the "turn me" line-maybe a bit vague on that 1st line, as I know you don't mean "literally" turn me. (Turn me from what)? Musically, I really like what your Bridge is doing.
I know It looks like I'm picking on you, not so........I think this is a great tune with potential, but room for improvement, and all of us with our songwriting can be improved for sure.
I'm not sure you need to hold some of the notes earlier in the song as long as you do vocally--a little polish and experimenting with prosody and you'll have a great song! I really enjoyed your music!
Just some thoughts......use/try or lose.
steady-eddie.
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Joined: Jan 2010
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Eddie, thanks for the listen. I'm glad you liked it.
Yeah, this turned out to sound Americana. I'm a writer, and a solo performer. I can't take any credit for the instrumentation. The guy I'm working with (Colin McCaffrey is his name) is a multi instrumentalist who has a real good feel for my songs, and he's got chops! I like the organ. It's a little high in the mix, but this isn't the final mix. A piano would certainly sound nice too.
Ah, the half-empty glass line. Still wordy, even after I took a couple of words out of it. Bums me out... it's got image, it's got layers of meaning (half-empty= pessimism, glass of sorrow = likely drinking problem)... I don't wanna let any of those things go to fix a small prosody problem. Still, I think I can do better. It bugs me too. I'm working on it.
Throwing and turning are pottery terms, nearly synonymous. I like the throw where it is, coz "throw me down on the table" has got a little steam to it if you take it literally. Turn me... well, that's what you do when you shape a piece on a potter's wheel. It's transformative.
Don't worry about "picking on me". I've got a fairly thick skin.
This is not the final vocal. I doubt that I ever sing a song the same twice, but I will be redoing the vocals. These are from the original scratch track.
Hey, thanks so much for commenting!
John
Last edited by vtoutlander; 12/05/16 11:44 PM.
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I really enjoyed my listen, vtoutlander. Do you have a real name that's shorter? Love the instrumentation and the story. Yeah, I agree, we just don't get enough clay in today's music! Ricki
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Joined: Sep 2013
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Hi John,
The approach and instrumentation is straight out of the Band's "Big Pink"...always a good thing in my mind!...I like the story... but it seems you might revisit the verses to see what could be condensed without losing the emotional thrust...I would make the chorus much more spare... and a change in rhythm, with more long drawn out words, would create a good contrast to the verses.(especially since it is repeated three times). That having been said, I like the sentiment and sound. It do think it holds great promise...
iggy2
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