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There was a lot of discussion on the lyric feedback forum about this song. I did a lot of re-writing and took a lot of advice to heart. I'd like to hear your thoughts on the demo that came back today.

https://www.reverbnation.com/donnadutchesssongwriter/song/27097220-just-go

JUST GO
(Donna Dutchess) dutchessdnn@aol.com
1.
Like a beautiful whore dressed as a queen
She pulls you in like a pair of skinny jeans.
You won’t find another who makes you feel so good
Satisfies you like I wish I could.

(pre chorus)
She’s your go to, fills you, takes you in, and thrills you
Seducing you any way she can.

(chorus)
She’s a hunting camp high in the hills
Lights his eyes on fire like a carnival thrill
The call of the wild every year makes him glow
Hunting gear, fishing poles and don’t forget the compound bow
I want to make him happy so I say baby “just go”
2.
Count the days till you see her again
I can’t complain cause I’d never win
She’s your drug, she’s your sweet siren song
Could a love like this ever be wrong?

(pre chorus)
She’s your go to, fills you, takes you in, and thrills you
Seducing you any way she can.

(chorus)
She’s a hunting camp high in the hills
Lights his eyes on fire like a carnival thrill
The call of the wild every year makes him glow
Hunting gear, fishing poles and don’t forget the compound bow
I want to make him happy so I say baby “just go”

{bridge} A happy man, happy life, when he comes home he’ll be on fire!

(chorus)
She’s a hunting camp high in the hills
Lights his eyes on fire like a carnival thrill
The call of the wild every year makes him glow
Hunting gear, fishing poles and don’t forget the compound bow
I want to make him happy so I say baby “just go”
Baby just go.
Baby just go.

You've nailed the modern country sound and still have that flavor of older country in this pro production. Not sure the "whore" metaphor describes a hunting camp, but if it works for you, let it go. Maybe it does! Well done demo.

Thank you Kevin. I think you have to be a hunting widow to understand how a hunting camp can be a "beautiful whore dressed as a queen".

they do say that you have to "grab the listeners interest" in the first couple of lines of the song. Would you say I did this?

Relevant expression. Nice demo. Good song.

Interesting! Yes, it pulled me in right away. It took a while before I figured out it was a metaphor for a hunting camp/expedition.

Did you write the music? The demo sounds good although I found the transition from the pre-chorus to the chorus slightly odd.

I think you have a focused song that will appeal to the hunting crowd. I think that is a better approach than trying to appeal to everyone which is almost impossible. Even if only hunting people liked it, you would still have an audience of many millions.

I love the verse lyrics! Good production, and catchy.

I agree with Colin, the pre-chorus (going in and going out) struck me a little funny. It just doesn't flow that well. The verses are stellar though, imo.

Whoever did your production did a really excellent job but the lead vocals are bit too 'mid forward' to my ear. They do sound good though, I am just nitpicking because this is a pro production.

Very nice, indeed!

Peace,
TC

Lyrics are great! I live in Vermont, and I'm very familiar with the term Deer Camp Widow.

I think the production was top notch too! The song bed itself seemed fine to me. My (tin) ear didn't pick up any flow problems around the pre-chorus, or anywhere else for that matter.

I've listened to it a few times now. Really catchy!!

Thanks,

John

Hi Donna,

I'm always a little ambivalent about doing too much critiquing on finished professional productions, but you asked.

I really like the song and also feel it's a top notch production and fabulous vocals that just "sit" right where they need too in the mix.

If I were talking with the producer and this was my song, I'd ask for the lead guitar especially once the song has gained steam, to cut through a little more and maybe panned slightly more, as the production has a lot of mid-range "drive."

I like the PC actually and think it makes a great spring board for the chorus, in fact I might have doubled the PC, as that might even "better" set up the Ch transition. A PC can't always be anticipated the 1st hearing of the song obviously,and when heard the 1st time sometimes "do" take people by surprise, but once heard a few times by listeners, they're ready to jump right on the lyrics right along with the lead singer!

Really nice Demo Donna!

steady-eddie.

Thank you everyone for your critiques and kind words. This was a very difficult song for me to write and rewrite. And a HUGE learning process. This was the first time I used the forums here to critique the lyrics which helped me to rewrite what they are now. The use of metaphors was very hard for me and always will be but they are so important today. I was told by one critiquer that I was too literal as a lyricist because I didn't use metaphors. That was an eye opener and one I totally agreed to, once I got over the "ouchy" moment. So all's good, now on to the next song.

Thank you Marc Barnette too for being an awesome mentor!

Nice sounding demo, Donna. The "whore" metaphor caught me too at first but yes, it did grab my attention so, there's that.

One other thing that caught my attention is changing from "you" in the verses and pc, to "his", "him" and "he" in the chorus and bridge. I realize this is a done deal but maybe it's
something to consider in your next song. If it was my song, I'd stick with "you". Just a thought.

Ricki

The hunting/camp metaphor reminds me of one of Dolly Parton's early songs which used fishing in much the same way. I believe it was called "There Must Be Something Fishy Going On." Without the previous comments I would have just thought it was another woman that was pulling your lover in. You stated that it was a difficult write. Is this your story by any chance?

Also, I just posted a piece titled "Really Fooled". Do you see some of the same message there, as someone is being called out for his actions?