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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Leafs
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/05/24 01:49 PM
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New song from me would love to hear your advice and comments. https://soundcloud.com/tom-franz/break-your-heartBreak Your Heart By Tom Franz V1 Everybody’s broken Everybody cries Everyone denies it But everybody lies V2 You may not see it coming When sadness call on you You thought you were above it I confess that I did too Pre Then you see you’ll have to play your part With a broken heart C This world will break your heart Into a million parts Just expect it from the start Life will leave a deep, deep mark On your broken heart V3 Everyone was stronger Everyone was sure No one quite expected What everyone must endure V4 Lovers leave Family dies Friends betray your soul Enemies rise from ashes To come and take their toll Pre If you add up all the parts It will break your heart C B There’s beauty in your struggle There is beauty in the dark There is so much beauty in redemption That it will break you heart C
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Morning, Tom:
I used to pitch songs to a California Publisher and she would chide me for using oft-used expressions like "heart" then proceed to rip my songs from stem to stern. How little I knew back then, she was taking her own time to "teach me" the pathway to better songs. She's retired now and I wish I could tell her how much I learned from her super-critical methods. Instead, I would sulk for days... LOL! (Sorry for the ramble!)
This is a beautiful song and I enjoyed every word. To me, it is so good, it deserves a full-blown, orchestrated version... but it works when sung from "the heart" exactly the way you sung it... and wrote it! I enjoyed this so much.
Best wishes for success.
----Dave
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Yes. The vocal sound is somehow familiar to me and I can't place it at the moment....and gives this a awesome feel. Nicely done
If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop
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Hey Tom, This song just didn't work for me. I know it goes into a deep place, yet the word redemption is not explored, with the outcome that it just comes across as depressing with no outcome at all. It just didn't work for me. Did I say that ? cheers, niteshift
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Tom, I just love your style and this song is so "you". I have a few nits with it though concerning all the "hearts". In the title, in the chorus twice, in the pre-chorus and again in the bridge. For me, it dilutes any impact it could have when it appears everywhere. And then all the heart rhymes in the chorus really hammer it home. You say so much in just the first 2 verses, with so few words, it's awesome, and I think it would be well worth the effort to keep at it and work out something more interesting for the rest. Just some thoughts. Ricki
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Hey there Tom, I love the familiar feel of the vocal melody in the verses, it makes me feel at home, puts me right in the middle of the sad, beautiful world you've set up here. I put this up there with Gram Parsons' "Love Hurts" and Neil Young's "Only Love Can Break Your Heart"--songs that make sad love a topic of thought, though in Parson's lyric, he breaks the "fourth wall" monetarily in V2 and talks directly "first person" and admits he knows this stuff through personally experience. But I think that "this stuff is learned from personal experience" is something we don't need to be told in a lyric about sad love. It's simply understood, and makes your song and Neils' all the more stronger, cuz there's an added layer of sadness that emanates from the singer, then..like he's shoved his own emotions down deep enough so he can cope..or perhaps he's lived and learned.. Great song..one that I want to hear over and over. Beautiful work, ol' friend. Great hearing from you. Mike
Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 10/29/16 03:55 PM.
Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice Fortune depends on the tone of your voice
-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon) from the song "Songs of Love" from the album "Casanova" (1996)
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I like the chorus on this best. Reminds me a bit of Orbison's "In Dreams".
Vic
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Hi Tom,
I like this a lot! The lyrics moves beautifully.... Great soulful delivery.... Well done!
iggy2
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Beautiful tune Tom, I really liked this. What makes this work even more is, it seems to be sang from the heart it talks about. Fine job
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There are many things that I like about this song: Your voice, which at first I didn't care for, grew on me as the song went on and, by the end, I really loved it. The arrangement: I like how spare it is. Everything is very nicely recorded, and I love the way that the two acoustic guitars play off of one another.
One thing that I would like to see tweaked a little: Too much of the same rhyme. A lot of it rhymes with "heart" "start" and all that. It gets to be a little bit redundant and kinda wears thin. If you could tweak some of those rhymes and mix it up a little bit. Maybe only use that rhyme in the chorus? It would be more effective that way, I think.
But, as a whole, this is a really good tune. Kudos.
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Calvin, thank you. You are very kind.
Dave, Wow how nice of you to say those things. I would love to do a fuller version but I am just not very good at layering stuff in there. I always turn it into mud. . .
John, thanks for the listen and compliments. I learned this verse cord progression on you tube. The source of all my musical knowledge. It's a G6th to a Am7. It reminds me of two old songs Janice Ian's At Seventeen and James Taylor's Walking Man. Knowing those two songs really ages me. . . . . Anyway thank you again.
niteshift, Jeez and you don't like Redemption. Bummer. That was my favorite part as I always wanted to write a bridge that had a twist. I finally did one and . . . . To be honest with you I hear many flaws in this song too.
Ricki, Yeah I got a little too hearty. You didn't like verse 3 and 4 as much. Maybe I tried to say to much. But thanks so much for the listen.
Michael, you are always so generous thank you. If I had one tenth of your talent I would be thrilled.
Vic, thank you for the kind comparison.
iggy2 thanks for the listen and kind words about my lyric and soulful delivery.
L. James, very kind of you. I just listened to your song again. Good work.
Todd, Thanks buddy wish I could write like you.
Tom
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Great song Tom loved the intro.it had a retro feel to it,which is fine by me. Good all round production Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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I thought the chorus was great. The only thing I heard from a critique stand point was the phrase "I confess that I did too" sounded pretty rushed. I'm not sure how you would fix that other than maybe change the word "confess"(admit, maybe) to something that fits better. Other than that, I thought it was a very well crafted song. The melodic changes are really nice. Also, the harmonies could be maybe a bit tighter but I know that is something I'm always working on as well. Everything is a work in progress.
But it's a keeper. Always enjoy listening to your songs, sir.
Last edited by Wendy D; 11/06/16 05:43 PM.
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Hi Tom,
Beautiful write, and beautifully sung. Nice melody, sweet lyrics for sure. A couple real small sugs should you still be in the production mode:
I like the prosody better on the 2nd PC. I know the phrase may just fit better, but the first PC line comes so quickly. Experiment there, it's certainly not a serious problem, just may be improved,one option is to use the 2nd PC in both places, but I know you'd rather not lose that portion of story.
The other sug, is the chorus harmonies feel a little bold and I think could be backed off volume-wise a little and maybe panned a little differently. I always experiment both with volume and panning with harmonies--there is NO one way, the song dictates. This is a "sweet song" and IMO, the harmonies need not be over powering for that reason else they may compete with the lead, they should only support.
Loved your heartfelt song Tom, and of course my opinion is only that, so use or lose!
steady-eddie.
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Some professional work, Tom! A good production with a lot of truth in your lyric.
Jim
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