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#1113967 - 08/23/16 04:47 PM Screw The Revolution (Let's Dance)  
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GocartMoz Offline
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GocartMoz  Offline
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Hello all ... any feedback you can offer on my latest write and recording is greatly appreciated.

SCREW THE REVOLUTION (LET'S DANCE)
Music & Lyrics by David S. Becker
(c)2016 David S. Becker Music
All Rights Reserved

https://soundcloud.com/gocartmoz/screw-the-revolution-lets-dance

INTRO
VERSE 1

Why don't we screw the revolution
I'm not down with this game of chance
And to hell with the damn apocalypse
And this crazy zombie trance

CHORUS
Let's Dance
Let's Dance
Let's Dance

VERSE 2
I read this kid bit the face off a stranger
It's hard to navigate through the slime
Every corner I turn there's more danger
It seems we finally crossed a line
It's hard to dig your way through the lies
While the virus is advancing
I'll be joined with the walking dead
And all I want is to do some dancing

CHORUS
VERSE 3

Why don't we screw the revolution
And just take a real firm stance
Don't give the trolls and xenaphobes
Even the slightest glance

CHORUS
SOLO
CHORUS
BRIDGE

I've been watching the news on my TV screen
Petrified by the things that I've seen
A gator grabs a kid from his dad
A man goes beserk in Queens
We have riots on the south side
Poisoned water out mid-west
A race war may be coming
Man it's all a blasted mess
Recruiting evil on the internet
Politicians are on the take
Police they kill and then get killed
My God for goodness sake
Murder in the name of God
And Zika's on the loose
The world is going straight to hell
Can we all just call a truce

CHORUS
VERSE 4

Why don't we screw the revolution
And get a big time cash advance
We'll hide away in our Shangri-La
And bathe in sweet romance

CHORUS x 2

Last edited by GocartMoz; 08/27/16 01:59 PM.
#1113971 - 08/23/16 05:03 PM Re: Screw The Revolution (Let's Dance) [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Barry David Butler (D) Offline
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Barry David Butler (D)  Offline
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Sebring, Florida USA
I loved the song!!
The only thing is I wished there was a catchier chorus..
BUT it is a great song.
Good Luck!

#1113975 - 08/23/16 05:12 PM Re: Screw The Revolution (Let's Dance) [Re: GocartMoz]  
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WriterTomYeager Offline
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Commercially it just aint gonna happen my friend...As a veteran of many many publisher pitches at BMI in Nashville-i can tell you from experience the lead in music is just way too long...They reject anything that doesnt absolutely positively GRAB the listener in about 10 seconds......Not trying to be mean-just honest....

Your guitar work just isnt whiz bang enough to hold the listener long enough to hear the vocals....I assume you want honesty-well thats my opinion of it.......Best of luck.......Keep at it!

Tom

Last edited by WriterTomYeager; 08/23/16 05:16 PM.
#1113981 - 08/23/16 05:25 PM Re: Screw The Revolution (Let's Dance) [Re: WriterTomYeager]  
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Hi Dave,

W O W !
I think you did a really great job here.

Calvin


[color:#3366FF]The
Blood Of My Youth..... [/color]http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#1114026 - 08/23/16 07:21 PM Re: Screw The Revolution (Let's Dance) [Re: Calvin]  
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I enjoyed the listen, Dave. I like the way you are addressing current events (craziness) in your writes.

The guitars sound good. I think you could add an EDM style drum track (loop) to this - and really "make it dance"...

fj

#1114029 - 08/23/16 07:25 PM Re: Screw The Revolution (Let's Dance) [Re: floyd jane]  
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Aaron Authier Offline
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Sounds very 80ish. Is it supposed to be a song you want to dance to? I didn't feel like dancing. The lyrics are too heavy and thought provoking. It's a sit down and drink to song in my opinion.

#1114043 - 08/23/16 09:14 PM Re: Screw The Revolution (Let's Dance) [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Michael Zaneski Offline
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Michael Zaneski  Offline
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California
Hi Dave,

Fantastic lyric that manages to say some serious things in a fun way. Julian Cope has a similar knack, but I don't think he's come up with a hook as strong as "screw the revolution--let's dance" in quite a while.

I can hear a slight nod to Chic/Nile Rodgers in the rhythm section, which I could imagine mixed more up front with the rhythm guitar, and the lead guitars and echo repeats softened a bit.

You almost go into a "rap" at the bridge--it made me wonder how a full on rap/breakdown would work here? As in..remove everything except the drums for the first 8 or so bars while you actually rap the bridge..then slowly bring everything in..just something that occurred to me because you were sowing the seeds that-a-way yourself. smile

Remember.."dance" is one kind of music where there's no such thing as "over-quantized," especially when it comes to the rhythm section. The tighter the better, and everything atop of that should feel ornamental and not dominate. But this straddles that "dance" world quite well without being entirely centered in it, and I like it very much, for that. smile

Mike

Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 08/23/16 09:15 PM.

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#1114074 - 08/24/16 05:24 AM Re: Screw The Revolution (Let's Dance) [Re: Michael Zaneski]  
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Vicarn Online content
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Vicarn  Online Content
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Hi Dave.
First of all I love the lyrics.
Personally I think you could do more with the chorus to make it more dynamic. Maybe different chording. Something like G F#m F Em.
Also, there seems to be a little too much going on when your singing that detracts from the lyric. You could try the "Let's Dance" Bowie style.
It's certainly worth working on.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

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#1114100 - 08/24/16 11:41 AM Re: Screw The Revolution (Let's Dance) [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Ricki E. Bellos Offline
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I enjoyed my listen, Dave. I can hear a full blown rap at the bridge as well, and I generally don't like rap! smile Got my chair moving anyway. Always love your playing.

Ricki

#1114112 - 08/24/16 11:55 AM Re: Screw The Revolution (Let's Dance) [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
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Dave Rice Online content
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Texas
Hi Dave:

No advice from me. My ears enjoyed what they heard and liked what you did. In the final analysis... you (and only you) will decide what works and what does not. One thing for sure, you received some honest feedback with this one... and that can be helpful even though some comments were a bit too honest... LOL!

As always, best of luck with it. ----Dave

#1114118 - 08/24/16 12:21 PM Re: Screw The Revolution (Let's Dance) [Re: Dave Rice]  
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GocartMoz Offline
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GocartMoz  Offline
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Florida
@Barry ... thx for giving this a spin. Appreciate it. Glad you liked it.

@Tom ... thx for the honesty. Appreciate the listen.

@Calvin ... thx. glad you enjoyed it.

@Floyd ... always appreciate your thoughts. To show how amateurish I am at this, I am not positive what EDM even is. Is it electronic dance mix?

@Aaron ... you can sit and drink to it or dance to it if you wish. Any affect on a listener is just fine with me. Falling asleep to it, however, wouldn't be my goal. smile

@Michael ... the rap idea has me thinking for sure, though I must admit it is something I have never attempted. Big time Nile Rodgers fan. I am not particularly pleased with the mix on this and am going to go back and readdress some things. It sounds a bit muddy to me and the rhythm guitars are not as crisp as I would like (maybe too much reverb and delay). The bass is not as tight as I would like either (though admittedly I am not a bass player ... but try to fake my way through on my songs). Back to the lab.

@Vic ... thx for the listen and thoughts. I will be doing some further experimenting on this.

@Ricki ... thx as always for the listen. Glad you enjoyed it.

@Dave ... Nothing wrong with honesty. As Billy Joel so eloquently said ...

"Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you."

Thx again all. Always greatly appreciated.

#1114123 - 08/24/16 01:34 PM Re: Screw The Revolution (Let's Dance) [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Kevin Emmrich Offline
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Crozet, VA
Good production and performance. I am enjoying the guitar work. Maybe you could experiment with the percussion to make it even more danceable, but that is just an opinion. Nice lead break, too!

Lyrics and phrasing is working for me.


"It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The 'hard' is what makes it great."
Kevin @ bandcamp: Crows Say Vee-Eh (and Kevin @50/90 2019)
#1114128 - 08/24/16 02:13 PM Re: Screw The Revolution (Let's Dance) [Re: Kevin Emmrich]  
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Colin Ward Offline
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Saint Petersburg. FL
I think you have a good sound, good guitar playing, good voice and interesting structure to the song. Overall it sounds good but I think there is room for improvement.

V2 became very monotonous with a repeat of the same melody on each line.

Lyrically, I would use a different word than screw. Especially in the first line. Maybe something like deny. The lyrics are a bit of a downer list until the chorus kicks in. Maybe lighten it up a bit with something more tongue in cheek or fun.....you want people to dance, not shoot themselves.


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#1114214 - 08/25/16 04:05 PM Re: Screw The Revolution (Let's Dance) [Re: Colin Ward]  
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GocartMoz Offline
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Florida
Thx Kevin and Colin. I appreciate the comments and suggestions. All good ones. Appreciate you giving it a spin.

Dave

#1114230 - 08/25/16 07:54 PM Re: Screw The Revolution (Let's Dance) [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Tom W. Offline
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Tom W.  Offline
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Dave, I always enjoy your tunes and this one is no exception! I liked your guitar work on this and your lyric was quit good. Just my oppinion but I was expecting the intro to end at around the 18 second mark. I'm not sure if the extra 5 second beyound that added anything. Over all, really enjoyed listening. Thanks for sharing!

Tom

Last edited by Tom W.; 08/25/16 07:55 PM.
#1114259 - 08/26/16 01:19 PM Re: Screw The Revolution (Let's Dance) [Re: Tom W.]  
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Janice_and_Bud Offline
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"I read some kid bit the face off a stranger
It's tough to navigate through the slime
Every corner I turn there's more danger
It seems we finally crossed the line
It's hard to dig your way through the lies
While the virus is advancing
I'll be joined with the walking dead
And all I want is to do some dancing"

Hell yeah!

You had something to say and you did it. We don't have a commercial viability yardstick around the house -- mercifully.

We enjoyed the message, the vocal, the arrangement and the guitar (tone and playing).

The mix sounds HUGE on our KRK's.

Nary a nit. Keep 'em coming. Another one for the SoundCloud playlist!

J&B


Check out our album Janice Merritt "All Over The Map"
on Spotify, Apple Music, Pandora and others.
#1114273 - 08/26/16 03:28 PM Re: Screw The Revolution (Let's Dance) [Re: Janice_and_Bud]  
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E Swartz Offline
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E Swartz  Offline
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Ohio
Hey Dave,

Great unique tune--a lot of influences going on--cool stuff. Love the rap addition. My only small sug, would be to on the "Let's Dance," do each one a little different, even early in the song--but make sure each build on the other IMO, in other words each giving more lift and even stronger toward the song's end rather than pulling back. Don't harness the chorus. Love this concept, well done as usual--you're a real talent!

steady-eddie.

#1114309 - 08/27/16 01:36 AM Re: Screw The Revolution (Let's Dance) [Re: E Swartz]  
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GocartMoz Offline
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Florida
Tom, J & B and Ed ... thx for the comments and listen. Greatly appreciated. I did a redo, where I replayed, re-sang and re-mixed many of the parts and changed the arrangement a bit. Tom, I shortened the intro, per many comments. Ed ... I added harmonies to the chorus to give it more a lift. Hopefully it worked. I tightened up the bass line, took out a lot of the reverb to refine the mix a bit more and give the various instruments a bit more articulation. Also redid the guitar solo and changed it up a , as well as adding bv's and messing with the arrangement a bit. . If you get a chance, I certainly would appreciate another listen. I have substituted the new take in the original post.

Thx again.

Dave

Last edited by GocartMoz; 08/27/16 02:01 PM.
#1114330 - 08/27/16 02:43 PM Re: Screw The Revolution (Let's Dance) [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Nelson Offline
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A cool write and performance Dave.
That solo is smokin and I like the rap section, especially when the guitars kick in near the end of it.
Nice vocal energy throughout.

I wonder how it would sound if you split the intro and cut the second half out and go straight into the verse.
As I hear it "why don't we" would have to be sung over the end of the intro and start the verse on "screw the revolution"... just thinking out loud.

As always Dave, I love your energy, musicianship and creativity


#1114362 - 08/27/16 08:05 PM Re: Screw The Revolution (Let's Dance) [Re: Nelson]  
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E Swartz Offline
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Ohio
Dave,

Definitely improvements all around. Personally, I'd like hearing your first two "let's dance," the same - like the first exclaim......then have the 3rd final reprise deviate which would then IMO give the last line more final exclaim. I might also experiment on that last line a 3rd high harmony as well contrasting the low harmony giving more lift as well. That may also be more predictable, which is not what you want, so you may just do that on the last chorus? (No big deal, and just could be my personal feel of the song--and maybe I'm thinking "too conventionally).

The harmonies definitely gives the chorus more body for sure! I also realized yesterday while on a long drive, I kept getting the song on my mind--a good thing. Nice work pal!

steady-eddie.

Last edited by E Swartz; 08/28/16 12:51 PM.
#1115042 - 09/06/16 11:00 AM Re: Screw The Revolution (Let's Dance) [Re: E Swartz]  
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GocartMoz Offline
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Thx Mr. Nelson ... I will play around with your suggestion. I cut down the intro significantly on a previous edit. Couldn't hurt to try some more. Always appreciate the comments.

Thx Ed. Always appreciate the thoughts and listen.

Dave

#1115044 - 09/06/16 11:32 AM Re: Screw The Revolution (Let's Dance) [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Colin Ward Offline
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I think it sounds good and has improved over the first version I heard. I would not worry about shortening the intro unless you think it's going to be a big radio hit.


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/



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