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Right now, this is my two minute too long folk song. Not sure what to cut out or where to stick a chorus or even if I need one or not.

Yankee Boy
Patricia Baker, BMIÓ2005

Life was always quiet in Natchez
Until a tall dark stranger came to town
He left a string of broken hearts up in Atlanta
They fell like weeping willows to the ground

Such was the life of a Yankee Boy
His past was the baggage he would carry
Soft Southern girls are a carpetbagger’s dream
The only problem is they want to marry

Then one day he met his goddess
She was a green-eyed vixen with long chestnut hair
Her Daddy’s plantation was the largest in the South
And Emmaline was the only living heir

Yankee Boy liked his new job as overseer
So he saw to it that she fell in love with him
After all, she was the Queen of his sugar cane
‘Till he heard his restless nature callin’ again

Emmaline begged him not to leave her
He said a wife wasn’t reason enough to stay
And that after while her broken heart would mend
But, Emmaline was already in a delicate way

Her Daddy promised her a wedding
Said he’d make Yankee Boy give that child his name
He did what any Southern gentleman would do
He paid the preacher in advance for Saturday

Yankee Boy knew he was outnumbered
Her Daddy’s temper was worse than a hurricane
Crept along the creek so the hounds’d lose his scent
Like that convict who’d just made his great escape

Her Daddy caught him at the crossroad
He said, “Son, this double barrel ain’t no toy.
I gave you ev’ry chance to do the right thing.
Now, you’re just another dead Yankee Boy.”

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"Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm



[This message has been edited by Tricia Baker (edited 05-30-2005).]

Oh, FYI. For all you Yankees, again is pronounced a'gin in this lyric. That's Southern (or redneck, just dependin') for aGAIN.

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"Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm

Hello Tricia,

A big happy memorial day weekend to ya !
I like your story.

But it seems like this line should be shortened....

She was a green-eyed vixen with long chestnut hair

to this....

A GREEN EYED VIXEN WITH CHESTNUT HAIR

Calvin

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewartmusic.htm

This kind of labors hard in the beginning, but gets rolling to a nice "chuggin'" end.
Just a couple quick ideas off the first read:

Emmaline begged him not to leave her
He said he really liked her, but not enough to stay
and that after while her broken heart would mend
But Emmaline, unknown to him was in that "family" way

Her Daddy promised her a wedding
That Yankee Boy would give that child his name
He'd learn soon enough to be a gentleman,
That in the South this was no game--

Just a couple ideas, but I'm out of my genre a bit here--Hope it helps? Al in Florida
P.S. Could drop the second verse if you wanted; The baggage/carpetbagger thing is kind of cumbersome. I see where you're trying to keep in the marriage aversion thing, but there's plenty of basis in the rest of the lyric about his wandering ways that you don't need this verse to SAY it. As mentioned earlier in a post, vs.3 reads pretty rough

[This message has been edited by tna0708 (edited 05-27-2005).]

Hi Al and Calvin. This is sort of a rebuttal to Ed Minyard's lyric called The War Of Southern Aggression. He posted it over at Songramp. I've never done a folk song so this was fun-assembling a storyline. Paul Pederson read it and liked it so he's going to put this epic to music. Emmaline's name may change and there will be one more verse added to the end.

------------------
"Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm

T,
Nice lyric. Well written.
Take care,
Lloyd

Hi, Lloyd. It's nice to see you on the board! Thanks so much for commenting. Have a safe and wonderful Memorial Day weekend. That goes for you all!!

------------------
"Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm

Hi Tricia, ya know, that second verse may just be your chorus. It follows three or four of the other verses well

Your call.
Not a bad folk ballad...thanks for sharing.

Tony

Nice one, Tricia! You know, I love anything that has to do with the South

I agree with Tony that the 2nd verse could be a chorus...

Emily

Hi, Tony. You have a point about the 2nd verse. It could be a chorus, but I think I like the flow of the story. This was just something kind of silly I threw together. It sort of took on a life of it's own. Not sure if that's good or bad. Thanks for your thoughts on this one.

Hi, Emily! Thanks so much for stopping by. I didn't know you'd have time for perusing considering you were busy throwing a surprise party. I think it turned out very well, don't you?

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"Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm

Tricia,

Yeah, Bobbie's surprise party was lots of fun
I had a great time planning it and hanging out with lots of cool people

Actually, the guests did a pretty good job cleaning up, too !

Emily

NOW THE TRUTH COMES OUT!! LOL You southern gals were conspiring against us Yankees! Thanks for the party...it was lots of fun!

This is a good story, despite the length. If Paulie can provide some musical variation between the verses, hopefully it won't end up sounding monotonous by the end. I would prefer to see a short chorus...but if he can turn it around musically, that will probably work.

My biggest question here is the use of 'Jackson'..since there are Jacksons in almost every state in the Union. That term just doesn't sound southern enough. I would subsitute something that couldn't be mistaken for any other location...like NATCHEZ. That reeks of antebellum history IMO.

You can definitely dispense with the "SHE WAS" in this line:
(She was) a green-eyed vixen with long chestnut hair

Also..by using THAT in this line, it looks like you are referring to a specific incident to which the listeners are not privy. I would simply say:
Like A convict who’d just made his great escape

I am sure Paulie will do a great job with this.

Hugs,
Bobbie

I'd already had that same idea for changes in the setting. Natchez is a much better choice. Like the other changes. I've been working this weekend and Paulie was supposed to call me Friday night, but he didn't so I'm sure he's been busy, too. Plus, it's a holiday weekend. Anyway, this was one for fun that he ended up liking so let's see what happens. Thank you, Birthday Girl!!!!

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"Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm

Hello, Emily! We cleaned up because we're a well behaved bunch!

------------------
"Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm

Geese Trish another good one...I just love the way you write...Too bad about that Yankee Boy though...:-)...Take care...

Steve

Hello, Steve. I like how you sing and how you write, too. Also, I think you have a sweet and talented girlfriend. I hate I had to kill Yankee Boy. I saw no other way around it. Ha! I'll twiddle with this one again this coming weekend. Thanks for commenting!

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"Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm

Hello, Noel. Natchez is in Mississippi. There are some of the most luxurious plantation homes in the South there. I've toured most of them and they are Gone With The Wind beautiful. There's only one that I know of in New Orleans that can compare to those beauties. Even the most famous around these parts is crude in comparison-Melrose. That's where the famous artist Clementine Hunter resided until her death. Thank you for taking a look and commenting on this one.

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"Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm

Many of those old plantation homes were destroyed by fire during the war, Noel. It's a shame. I love historical homes. We've been to Mt. Vernon (George and Martha Washington's home), The Biltmore (the one built by George Vanderbilt) and Monticello (Thomas Jefferson's home), too. The Biltmore Estate was and still is an incredible piece of architecture.

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"Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm

Anytime. I'm here for you, Noel.

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"Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm

Hi Tricia,

Great story, although being a Yankee, I'd
like to see the Yankee Boy kept alive!!

Only thing for me is I don't know how to
pronounce Natchez because I've never heard of it.

SAVE THE YANKEE BOY!!!

Diane

Morning, Diane. You old bleeding heart liberal! Ha! He deserved to die. What the devil have you been up to lately? Natchez is pronounced "Natch-ez" with the accent on the first syllable like "matches".

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"Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm

Hey, Noel. Actually, Natchez is an Indian name. I went to the website and pulled up something for you.

http://www.natchez.ms.us/custom/webpage3.cfm?content=content&id=76

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"Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm

I guess I could make her Daddy and Yankee Boy have an altercation where he just wants to hurt him but Yankee Boy slips off into the river by mistake instead. Of course, then he'll get eaten by the gators.

------------------
"Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm

Tricia,
I didn't have time to read through everybody elses responces so mine may be similar to someone elses. Anyway, The nice thing about "FOLK" songs and alot of bluegrass is that it tells the story without a repetetive chorus. Some of my favorite "old time" songs don't have a chorus at all and are just as enjoyable as those with a chorus. Anyway, that's my 2 cents worth. Good storyline. I think it would work without a chorus.

Thanks, Ric. I just posted a rewrite.

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"Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm

Carpetbagger!

Sometimes you gotta forget about the chorus, the refrain, that hook, all that crud, and just tell a story. Well done, and wouldn't shave a hair off this one!