9 members (Fdemetrio, VNORTH2, Perry Neal Crawford, couchgrouch, Sunset Poet, Guy E. Trepanier, bennash, Bill Draper, David Gill),
3,725
guests, and
277
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,878 Likes: 2
Top 100 Poster
|
OP
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,878 Likes: 2 |
Nothing like using a phrase from auto lingo to describe a relationship proposal.
TAKE IT FOR A TEST RUN
c2016 Brian Beecher
The sun is shining on us today In our sector of health and vitality When you look at possibilities Make sure that they are glittered With thoughts of us as lovers So as not to be bitter
The only thing to fear is fear itself We can have the kind of love that can ring bells Babe, the time has come To take it for a test run Take it for a test run
This is the first time that you have been sound With your emotions now on solid ground Wavering back and forth on Whether or not you’ve chosen The right path to move in Made your emotions seem frozen
Now is the time for us to have some fun Especially when we’ve only just begun And it is time for us To take it for a test run Take it for a test run
I believe you are sending positive vibes You are reinventing yourself from the outside It would be an honor To be a big part of it We could have plenty of action And lots of good lovin’
Lots could happen with this type of energy Learning to love again can’t you see You may be careful but Baby please, take it for a test run Take it for a test run
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 4,670 Likes: 2
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 4,670 Likes: 2 |
Quite a nice little story here, Brian. I like the notion of taking the relationship for a 'test run'. Donna
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Top 30 Poster
|
Top 30 Poster
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712 |
Some imaginative writing, Brian, although I'm not sure what a girl would say if you spoke these words to her.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,878 Likes: 2
Top 100 Poster
|
OP
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,878 Likes: 2 |
Well, don't many women end up taking their relationships for test runs as well? Seems both genders, but especially women, are much more cautious and concerned these days. In their case it's no doubt because they tend more to have their own careers and no longer need to depend on a man for support. Heck, I've dated woman whose earning were higher than mine, and I believe it bothered them more than it did me.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 823
Top 500 Poster
|
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 823 |
Another fine hook. If you could "loosen up" your phrasing, it would make a world of difference. A lot of your words/phrases are a bit stilted for a lyric, things that seem out of place in the real world, but would work fine as pure poetry.
One example: "In our sector of health and vitality"
"Sector?" Sounds Orwellian. "Vitality" is too doctor-ish, not fit for a love song. JMHO
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
Forums117
Topics125,717
Posts1,160,950
Members21,470
|
Most Online37,523 Jan 25th, 2020
|
|
"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
|
|