JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum "Where Did All The Pieces Fall" (Duet)

Sharing my first demoed duet. This lyric poured out after watching a Josh Groban video called "February Song" (my favorite of his songs) where in the video there are pieces floating in the air. I guess it proves that inspiration can come from anywhere.

This is a song of angst mixed with hope that I believe could go pop or country depending on the vocalists and the instrumentation. Thanks for listening and any feedback.

http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=13307161&q=hi&newref=1


“Where Did All The Pieces Fall” (duet)
©2016 Lynn Orloff

Female:
It’s amazing you can have it all
Even hold it in your hands
Then for reasons that you can’t explain
It begins to shift like sand
And your heart just tries to comprehend
Why it had to stop, why it had to end…so tell me

Where did all the pieces fall, are they scattered with the wind
And if we somehow found them all, could we somehow start again
Cause I promise you that to get them back, I would give my very all
Tell me where, where did all the pieces fall

Male:
Did we take for granted what we had
Slowly let it slip away
Like a book that you lose interest in
So you cease to turn the page
And you shake your head as you ask yourself
Does it have to end, is there something else…so tell me

Where did all the pieces fall, are they scattered with the wind
And if we tried to find them all, could we somehow start again
Cause I promise you that to get them back, I would give my very all
Tell me where, where did all the pieces fall

Bridge:
(Female)The time it took to come apart didn’t happen overnight
(Male) And I’m not giving up on us, no not without a fight…so tell me

Where did all the pieces fall, are they hiding in the night
And if we somehow found them all, could we make this turn out right
(Female)Cause I promise you, (Male) And I swear it too
I would give my very all
Tell me where, where did all the pieces fall

Holy smokes - that's powerful. Gave me chills.

Don't have any suggestions, Lynn. It hit all the marks for me.

I think the fact that they aren't willing to throw in the towel is what gives it power. Nice work!

Scott

Hi Lynn,

I love a lyric that "literalizes" a metaphor, so as to explore an idea, and in doing so, it becomes a "meta-metaphor," if you follow! This is what you do in the chorus--taking the pieces as literal pieces (asking "where did they fall?" etc.)--and in doing so we forget we're still dealing with a kind of metaphor. I think a lot of great songs do this, cuz it's a way to explore serious ideas in a playful way. You do this expertly, and this song is masterfully crafted.

Nice music, and great singing, especially in the duet part.

Mike

I agree with Scott. This is a very powerful tune. Excellent lyric! I definately see it as old country. I can hear Kenny and Dolly singing this one. Awesome work.

Dave

Tightly written lyric, Lynn and musically, it sounds like a good old-fashioned country duet. It seems like these days, a catchy chorus is King (or Queen) so that would be something you may re-consider. Pick your favorite one and repeat it because the difference between them really doesn't change the meaning or say anything new. Nicely done.

Ricki

Boy, they are a coupla good singers..

A wonderful write indeed, Lynn.

Excellent production and performances.
Sort of brings to my mind "Up where we belong" from An officer and a gentlemen.

Nicely done all around

Hey Scott...chills huh? Maybe your wife just turned the heat down. But honestly, thanks and I am glad it evoked emotion as that was the intent w/this one. A little more dramatic then my usual fare, but it was fun going a different direction.

Great to see you back in the neighborhood, I hadn't seen you in awhile!!

Thanks for listening,
Lynn

Hi Mike!

Serious ideas in a playful way...hmmmm....don't know if I really thought about it when writing as this one was one of those that poured out after watching that video. It was kind of a neat experience since I never wrote a song as a direct result from watching a video before so anything new that creates the muse is kind of curious. Some songs have stories on how they develop and others have no place of origin atleast that I'm aware of.

Thank you for stopping by,
Lynn

Hi Dave,

Now I am having visions of Mozart in a go-kart. Am I supposed to????? Interesting that you hear this as old country w/Kenny and Dolly as participants. I think this is one where it could go more popish as well all depending on the singers and instruments. I think I've only heard them do "happy" duets so this would be a more serious side. Thanks for weighing in.

Best,
Lynn

Hi Ricki!

Thank you for your critique!! A second vote for hearing this as old country duet. Interesting.

I hear you on keeping the Chorus consistent and I think it could go either way depending on the preference of anyone who might want to use this song. I sometimes like going different on the last Chorus for contrast and felt led to do this with Pieces but if someone wanted to keep things the same that would be fine with me. I am very flexible. Thanks!!

Best,
Lynn

Hi Nelson!

Loved that movie "An Officer and A Gentlemen". Didn't even think of this being used in a film but hey why not!!! Glad you enjoyed and thank you for visiting!

Best,
Lynn

Yes Louis they are. I specifically asked for Dave Brooks and then asked the studio to match him w/someone they felt would blend nicely w/Dave. They had to be able to reach the high notes. The female part is Jennifer Bruce.

Hi Lynn:

You are right... this well written song could go well as a Pop or Country tune. Your Demo turned out really well and will sure grab the ears of anyone you allow the privilege of hearing. This is a "stunner" and I'm so glad to know someone else here appreciates Groban. Can't you visualize how he would perform it.

Well done and congratulations. You're on your way, my friend.

----Dave

Hi Lynn,

Well maybe not "serious" like war or famine or poverty--and so maybe that's the wrong word, but having been one to mull over "break-ups" so as to figure out where they I went wrong, myself, they're kinda serious to me I guess, and hard to think about directly, as in actual events that transpired.

That's why your song works for me. The metaphors make it easier to think about--they are by nature playful and poetic--and the chorus is an extended one, and very beautiful writing.

I hope you understand I really enjoyed your song!

Mike

Congrats Lynn!

This is a super write, good luck with it!

steady-eddie.

Mr. Rice how very nice
To use a word like "stunner"
Amusement parks are lots of fun
But writing this was funner!!

I appreciate the kind words spoken about the demo and yes Josh would sound great given he has a lot of passion in his delivery, but alas I dream. The demo studio was Gator Hole and they did a fine job! Thanks always for your encouraging words!

Best,
Lynn

My dear friend Mike I appreciate a 2nd post to confirm your liking for my newest tune. How sweet, and I did not think otherwise. Break-ups are indeed serious business and matters of the heart matter most.

A second visit
So exquisite
I feel so very flattered
To take the time
Was very kind
And showed me that it mattered!!

Best,
Lynn

Thanks Eddie. The fun and easy part is writing the song, but getting it out there and the how is the trickier part. Appreciate so much you taking the time to listen.

Best,
Lynn

Stunning...! What a good song!
Travis

Thanks Travis for listening from across the pond. Hope you're well.

Best,
Lynn

Lovely.

Martin I thank you for taking precious time to listen and for your kind adjective.

Best to you,
Lynn

Yeah I'm on board. Well crafted, well produced, and ready to pitch

If there is one quibble, it is the use of 'comprehend" and cease to"....to me they stand out as bit too formal in the rest of the wording

"Understand" would rhyme and be more conversational, and "cannot" would sound better than cease to.

Still, this is the kind of work we all aspire to, so kudos to all involved

Outstanding Lynn! This is "hit" material. I'm impressed!

Best, John

I forgot to mention that...in addition to feeling that the song was lovely...I enjoyed your metaphor "all the pieces fall." Not only an internal rhyme but the metaphor is lovely in and of itself.


Martin

Hi John V.

Make no quibbles about quibbles! This is exactly what the critique board is for...ideas, suggestions, improvements, you name it!! The "understand" replacing the "comprehend" does work, is a softer rhyme and yes, more conversational, and I would agree to is should someone taking this song on want to make the switch. The "cannot" replacing the "cease to" doesn't work as well for me as ceasing means stopping or discontinuing but the cannot almost means you simply can not and changes the meaning too much (and I also lose the rhyme) BUT two very good pick-ups and I appreciate it!!

Thank you,
Lynn

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To my fellow Pennsylvanian, Panera Partaker and famous composer John S.

A "hit" is a big word though a short word. It is only a hit if someone finds the same merit you do, finds two outstanding vocalists and gives me a ringy. The dream we all share.

Thanks much,
Lynn
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and a 2nd reply to Martin's 2nd post...

so glad you enjoyed the metaphors as well as the song. Seems Mike Z is in agreement as well on this aspect of the lyric.

Thank you,
Lynn

Gentlemen have a great and glorious day!!!

Yes, I agree about the word "hit" Lynn. Hits only occur through marketing strategy. Gotta find a large audience first. But, with the right promotion, I think this song will zoom!

John

Hi Lynn.
I think it's very well put together and if I had to nitpick I'd change the line or the phrasing "It begins to shift like sand" as it sounds awkward.
Maybe "It slips away like sand".

Also as a suggestion:
"And if we somehow found them all, could we put them back again".

A classic in the making.
Vic

Hi Lynn,

VERY NICELY DONE in all areas.


Calvin


Big Foot Jerky - http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Vic and Cal my music pals
I thank you for your time
I will take note
Of words you wrote
About this song of mine!!

Best to you both and thank you so much
Lynn