Who's Online Now
17 registered members (Everett Adams, Marvin Adcock, Harriet Ames, Calvin, Deej56, Greg C. Brown, couchgrouch, Dave Rice, 9ne, Andy K, 2 invisible), and 260 guests, and
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Shout Box
Member Spotlight
Beth G. Williams
Beth G. Williams
Posts: 7,386
Joined: April 2007
Show All Member Profiles 
What's Going On
A Lesser Heaven
by Marvin Adcock. 01/21/19 06:00 AM
All I've Got
by Deej56. 01/21/19 12:02 AM
Untraved Roads
by Deej56. 01/20/19 11:52 PM
Agatha's Rainbow
by Deej56. 01/20/19 11:51 PM
"I Just Wish That She Was You"
by Deej56. 01/20/19 11:46 PM
Music for Justice song - Never Know
by Deej56. 01/20/19 11:26 PM
Back To The Basics
by Deej56. 01/20/19 11:25 PM
To Day Is A Lovely Day
by Deej56. 01/20/19 11:24 PM
That's a nasty cough you've got. Vic
by Deej56. 01/20/19 11:23 PM
by Deej56. 01/20/19 11:23 PM
by Deej56. 01/20/19 11:22 PM
Country Lyric/Music Writer Looking to Co-Write
by Walt Lamberg. 01/20/19 09:56 PM
Whut duh!
by Rick Heenan. 01/20/19 04:41 PM
In the Fifty Years Since Woodstock
by beechnut79. 01/20/19 04:08 PM
Untraveled roads/ Needs music and vocals
by ckiphen. 01/20/19 04:00 PM
Down on Main Street
by ckiphen. 01/20/19 03:55 PM
by ckiphen. 01/20/19 03:54 PM
Sitting Ducks
by beechnut79. 01/20/19 03:29 PM
Face Beneath the Water
by beechnut79. 01/20/19 03:21 PM
I loved my dog too.
by beechnut79. 01/20/19 03:19 PM
Mary Queen of Cards
by beechnut79. 01/20/19 03:12 PM
So... 20 years later and...
by Martin Lide. 01/20/19 01:23 PM
Its Ying But Kinda Yang Released
by imbassman. 01/20/19 08:23 AM
by Everett Adams. 01/20/19 06:56 AM
Yellow Vest Bank Run
by Fdemetrio. 01/19/19 01:55 PM
I may win I may lose/ but I have to try
by ckiphen. 01/19/19 01:40 PM
24 Frames, what do you think?
by Dave Rice. 01/19/19 11:27 AM
Just a train video and song
by CarvinAbuser. 01/19/19 10:47 AM
Top Posters(All Time)
Calvin 19,685
Travis david 11,243
Kevin Emmrich 10,543
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,572
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 8,843
glynda 8,579
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
Colin Ward 7,903
couchgrouch 7,452
Corey 7,357
Dave Rice 7,053
Wyman Lloyd 6,578
Mark Kaufman 6,440
Joe Wrabek 6,403
ben willis 6,095
Vicarn 5,946
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
Linda Sings 5,604
niteshift 5,458
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,630
Neil Cotton 4,541
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,352
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Cindy Miller 4,178
Tom Shea 4,176
TamsNumber4 4,032
Roy Cooper 4,015
nightengale 3,965
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,789
Dan Sullivan 3,710
MFB III 3,687
beechnut79 3,475
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
Bill Cooper 3,279
E Swartz 3,248
John Hoffman 3,199
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
PopTodd 2,890
Harriet Ames 2,870
Nigel Quin 2,811
MidniteBob 2,707
Nelson 2,570
Tom Tracy 2,558
Polly Hager 2,526
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,241
Judy Hollier 2,232
Erica Ellis 2,202
Wendy D 2,194
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,012
DukeWill 1,984
floyd jane 1,982
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
maccharles 1,886
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,630
Noel Downs 1,620
Rick Heenan 1,595
Cal 1,574
Jack Swain 1,554
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
RogerS 1,461
Tom Franz 1,453
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Kenneth Cade 1,429
Rick Norton 1,428
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,406
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
GocartMoz 1,396
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,292
DakLander 1,265
Martin Lide 1,249
Ian Ferrin 1,230
PeteG 1,229
Glen King 1,212
IdeaGuy 1,209
AaronAuthier 1,177
Diane Ewing 1,158
Gerry 1,119
summeoyo 1,085
joro 1,081
BobbyJoe 1,075
S.DEE 1,040
lane1777 1,038
yann 1,037
Tony A 1,016
argo 986
peaden 984
Wolvman 960
IronKnee 947
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
Deej56 865
9ne 851
RJC 845
Fdemetrio 840
Brenda152 840
Nadia 827
Juan 797
TKO 784
frahmes 781
teletwang 762
90 dB 745
Andy K 739
tbryson 737
Andy Kemp 733
ant 732
Jackie444 731
3daveyO3 704
Dayson 703
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Katziis 652
quality 637
CG King 622
douglas 621
Mel 614
Irwin 612
NaomiSue 601
Pat Hardy 599
Shandy 589
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
Moosesong 558
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 511
goodfolks 499
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
R&M 480
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
Rob L 426
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Cecilee 379
iggyiggy 378
Register Today!
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.

By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
#1099664 - 02/03/16 05:08 AM God Is a Bicycle Thief  
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,440
Mark Kaufman Offline
Mark Kaufman  Offline

Top 40 Poster

Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,440
I truly hope this offends no one. I figure all humor comes from the Creator anyway. I'll surely pay a price in the afterlife.

I'm not even sure how you critique a song like this.

[Linked Image]


God Is a Bicycle Thief

God is a bicycle thief
God is a bicycle thief
He came from a land where His parents were furniture thieves
But He stole bikes
Yeah, He stole bikes

God has a hole in His head
He put it there smoking in bed
He opened a spout
Saw the stars shooting out of His face
And off they race
Through outer space

He moves in mysterious ways
Just ask anybody who prays
I guess it's because He just basically does what He likes
And that's all right
But where's my bike?

Copyright 2016 by Mark Kaufman

#1099669 - 02/03/16 07:26 AM Re: God Is a Bicycle Thief [Re: Mark Kaufman]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,685
Calvin Online content
Top 10 Poster
Calvin  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,685
Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hi Mark,

Creative fun.
That's some GOOD writing !
A very pleasant listening experience.


[color:#000000]listen to
Big Foot Jerky...[color:#33CC00]....[/color] http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart


#1099674 - 02/03/16 10:41 AM Re: God Is a Bicycle Thief [Re: Calvin]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,903
Colin Ward Offline
Colin Ward  Offline

Top 25 Poster

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,903
Saint Petersburg. FL
Great to hear one from you Mark! Sounds excellent as expected. We have bicycle thieves where I live but they don't look like God unfortunately. The picture makes all the sacrifices required to get to heaven look worthwhile.


I try to critique as if you mean business.....



#1099677 - 02/03/16 11:29 AM Re: God Is a Bicycle Thief [Re: Colin Ward]  
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,269
Michael LeBlanc Offline
Top 10 Poster
Michael LeBlanc  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,269
now that's a cool song!Mike

#1099681 - 02/03/16 11:44 AM Re: God Is a Bicycle Thief [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 10,377
John Voorpostel Offline
Top 20 Poster
John Voorpostel  Offline
Top 20 Poster

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 10,377
Takes me back to the sixties Mark...has that kinda feel.

And I love the cheeky irreverence of the lyric punctuated by the picture.

Big thumbs up from me

If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop

iAccountant --- Info L inc --- Taxboard
#1099689 - 02/03/16 01:45 PM Re: God Is a Bicycle Thief [Re: Mark Kaufman]  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,827
Ricki E. Bellos Offline
Top 30 Poster
Ricki E. Bellos  Offline
Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,827
OMG! How cool is this? I can hear John and Paul rocking through it! Love the photo as well. She looks just the way I always imagined She would! Yep! If it's there, we're going straight to hell! grin


#1099690 - 02/03/16 01:53 PM Re: God Is a Bicycle Thief [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,249
Martin Lide Offline
Top 200 Poster
Martin Lide  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,249
Houston, Texas
The lyrics remind me of a Hayes Carll song...


Last edited by Martin James; 02/03/16 01:56 PM.
#1099713 - 02/03/16 07:49 PM Re: God Is a Bicycle Thief [Re: Mark Kaufman]  
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,713
Michael Zaneski Offline
Top 100 Poster
Michael Zaneski  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,713
Hi Mark,

So nice to hear someone write a song from the POV of that other, lesser known ancient civilization next to The Isle of Crete--The Isle of Crepe..an extremely tiny little island next to Crete, gone for thousands of years, now.

Unlike their Ancient Roman counterparts who built aqueducts and Ancient Greeks who had modern philosophy and Olympics, Crepe isn't known for much--except they invented the bicycle two thousand years before it is widely thought of having been--extremely good road bikes too, with shifting gears and cute little squeezy horns to boot. Oh..they also invented tiny little fluffy pancakes which they occasionally wore as hats, especially at religious services.

And certainly their ancient lore rivals the Greeks in wackiness. While Greek gods were busy turning into swans and eagles and fornicating with human women who then laid eggs--Ancient Crepe mythology speaks of that famous cigarette burn that created the universe. And your lyric speaks to this very eloquently indeed, with perfect music to match.

But like Ancient Rome, their own success held the seeds to their oncoming demise. Bicycle thievery ran rampant in Ancient Crepe. There were no bike locks, just hemp rope, which was often stolen and rolled into cigarettes. The bicycle thieves were rarely seen, and there are fragments of poems that have washed ashore that seem to indicate the people of Crepe wrote many laments about their stolen bikes and that a cult had evolved that made God the culprit, in this early monotheistic culture.

This lyric feels like some of those fragments and shows a mastery of Ancient Crepe's history and style of writing, and the music, though more modern sounding, is perfect to my ears as well, and suits the lyric in a very pleasing way.

Many kudos, kind sir!!


Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 02/04/16 09:37 AM.

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#1099725 - 02/04/16 01:31 AM Re: God Is a Bicycle Thief [Re: Michael Zaneski]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 10,377
John Voorpostel Offline
Top 20 Poster
John Voorpostel  Offline
Top 20 Poster

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 10,377
Don't forget about the Grecian dremels Michael.

I expect that if you speak to another one of our sages, the one and only Mike Dunbar, in especially hushed tones, he'd look at you, perhaps askance, and then let you in on their secrets.

If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop

iAccountant --- Info L inc --- Taxboard

Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.

Join Just Plain Folks
to receive the free
JPNotes Newsletter!
*this is separate from
message board registration*

Newest Members
Robertaatkins, ChipE, AprilT, trolpemad, LindaMarksMusic
21143 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Average Posts Daily22
Most Online1,506
Mar 16th, 2017
Just Plain Quotes
"It is amazing how much there is to learn when we think we know it all!" -Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
No Birthdays
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0