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#1099265 - 01/27/16 01:06 AM My first original song  
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 106
Alison Offline
Serious Contributor
Alison  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 106
Minnesota
Hi all,

It's been a long time since I've visited these forums and back then it was just as a singer. Well, just about a year ago I picked up an acoustic guitar and just this last weekend, I wrote my first song. I've gotten a lot of really positive feedback and nothing else, so I'm hoping you will all be a little more constructive. I took a poem I had written when I was 14 and rewrote it to fit the melody I used. I think it needs one more verse.

The recording I uploaded to soundcloud was done playing around with my new tc-helicon play electric.It's not a great recording. I'm recording it again, but this should still give a general idea. My guitar teacher and I are re-recording it and fleshing out the instrumentation.

Looking for any constructive criticism as this is the first time I've written a song and I have no clue what I'm doing, and have been terrified for a long time to even try (music theory in college kind of scared me off).

Thanks!

Listen to I Will Fly by Alison Cromie #np on #SoundCloud
https://soundcloud.com/alison-cromie/i-will-fly

#1099266 - 01/27/16 01:10 AM Re: My first original song [Re: Alison]  
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 106
Alison Offline
Serious Contributor
Alison  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 106
Minnesota
Uh oh. I just realized that maybe this should have gone in the mp3 feedback forum. Should I move it?

#1099270 - 01/27/16 03:30 AM Re: My first original song [Re: Alison]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 3,096
Barry David Butler Online content
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Barry David Butler  Online Content
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 3,096
Sebring, Florida USA
It's ok but I'd expand your chorus and make it catchy.
What you have here is like a throw away chorus. Must be the part of the song people get in their brain and can't get rid of it...lol I like your voice also and you should make the guitar softer. Good Luck

#1099279 - 01/27/16 01:28 PM Re: My first original song [Re: Barry David Butler]  
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 10,535
Kevin Emmrich Offline
Kevin Emmrich  Offline


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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 10,535
Crozet, VA
I'd go ahead and re-post it over in the mp3 section. Mighty fine singing.

I think the chorus is catchy enough. Maybe go up at the end of the chorus instead of down in the melody. But if you like it as is, keep it! Good first song -- keep 'em going.

If you are ready for a songwriting sprint and marathon at the same time check out http://fawm.org -- it starts February 1st.

Last edited by Kevin Emmrich; 01/27/16 08:58 PM.

"It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The 'hard' is what makes it great."
Kevin @ bandcamp: Crows Say Vee-Eh (and Kevin @ FAWM 2018)
#1099304 - 01/27/16 08:33 PM Re: My first original song [Re: Kevin Emmrich]  
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,788
Lynn Orloff Offline
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Lynn Orloff  Offline
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PA of the great USA
My dear Alison if this is this is your very first song then don't let it be your last!! You have a very good voice and this melody is very likeable. As far as the Chorus it is on the short side but it seems to work w/this genre though I don't know exactly what genre I would call it but that doesn't matter. I would love to see the lyrics in print. Your vocals weren't as upfront as I would've liked to hear your beautiful voice more.

Great job all the way around!! Thanks for sharing.

Best,
Lynn smile


My Music at Soundclick
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=788266

~call it a blessing or call it a curse, but I see all of life in verse~

Always open to collaborations smile

God Bless Our Military!!!
#1099305 - 01/27/16 08:48 PM Re: My first original song [Re: Lynn Orloff]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,587
Vicarn Online content
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Vicarn  Online Content
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,587
UK
I like your voice and the song, Alison.
You sound a bit like Tammy who is a member here.
As Barry said, you could soften the guitar a little by eq (taking out some of the top mid range might do it), if you have that.

Nice.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold
#1099318 - 01/28/16 02:14 AM Re: My first original song [Re: Vicarn]  
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 106
Alison Offline
Serious Contributor
Alison  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 106
Minnesota
Thank you everyone for the feedback. The recording itself is crap. I couldn't figure out why my interface wasn't sending signal through usb so I held my phone to my speaker and recorded it that way. The levels are definitely off.

I did record a video of me playing it the night I finished it. You can see that here. It's cleaner. https://youtu.be/PdfGIVuPfI4

My guitar teacher and I are doing a better recording of it at our lesson each week, adding in instrumentation.

I may still go post it over in the other forums for more feedback. I used to be so scared to even try and now I just want to write more to have enough for a full album of my own.

Someone mentioned it was hard to figure out genre. Ha. I feel the same way. My influences are all over the place: Alison Krauss, Ingrid Michaelson, Iris Dement, Brandi Carlile, Patty Griffin, although there's definitely a lot of folk/country in there.

I don't know if I'd actually be able to do it, but I do like the idea of a sprint marathon of writing songs. I'll have to read more into it and see if its something I could even try.

#1099326 - 01/28/16 09:49 AM Re: My first original song [Re: Alison]  
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 10,535
Kevin Emmrich Offline
Kevin Emmrich  Offline


Top 10 Poster

Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 10,535
Crozet, VA
Just watched the video -- real nice. One thing I want to point out that will quickly take your songs to the next level. Notice how your strum pattern is the same in the verses and the choruses. A great way to get variation and increase the "interesting-ness" of your songs is to do something different in each section of the song. Maybe the verse can be a partial strum, maybe slightly muted or picked a little and the the chorus can be that full out strum. Give it a try and see if you like it.


"It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The 'hard' is what makes it great."
Kevin @ bandcamp: Crows Say Vee-Eh (and Kevin @ FAWM 2018)
#1099330 - 01/28/16 12:55 PM Re: My first original song [Re: Kevin Emmrich]  
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 106
Alison Offline
Serious Contributor
Alison  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 106
Minnesota
Oh gosh. Strumming. Yeah, I tend to get stuck in the same strum pattern for EVERYTHING. That is definitely something I need to work on.

Just started learning more Fingerstyle stuff so, hopefully once I'm more comfortable with it I can start working it into songs.

#1099421 - 01/29/16 08:19 PM Re: My first original song [Re: Alison]  
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,183
Michael LeBlanc Offline
Top 10 Poster
Michael LeBlanc  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,183
Louisiana
really nice vocals Alison!i like the song as well,i'm blown away at this first attempt,can't wait for more.Mike


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