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This song has gone through many changes even a HOOK and title change, now titled My Do Over, not Yours. Mitch Collins and I worked on it off and on for well over a year and this is the final demo we want to share with you guys. Perfect? Probably not but we don't plan to revisit it but wanted to share the final product and to thank everyone who offered their advice along the way on this song that we were attempting do to in the Band Perry style, like their song Done.
Hope you like it..thanks JPFers
Click Here
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13247266

Lyrics Below- All Rights Reserved!
MY DO OVER, NOT YOURS
Verse 1
My best friend gave me her phone to see
A text from you asking 'bout me
You're digging for none'ya business information
Verse 2
I gave you my heart, you added an ache
Then you handed it back like a big mistake
Think you're misunderstanding this situation
PC - RISE
Well, I guess I need to tell you one more time…listen
Chorus
You can take your womanizing
Put it where the sun's never gonna shine in
I'm done and don't wanna second look
Thinking you're God’s gift to women
Pushing me way past my limit
I'm not getting back on that itty bitty hook
NO, this is my do over, not yours
Oh oh
This is my do over, not yours
This is my do over, not yours
Verse 3
Betcha think I need you in my life
Must admit I'm not surprised
Ya got a bad case of self infatuation
Verse 4
Your oversized ego’s got it all wrong
So don’t try spinning that come back song
Cause I’m already jamming to another radio station
PC - RISE
I guess I need to tell you one more time…listen
Chorus
You can take your womanizing
Put it where the sun's never gonna shine in
I'm done and I don't wanna second look
Thinking you're God’s gift to women
Pushing me way past my limit
I'm not getting back on that itty bitty hook
NO, this is my do over, not yours
Oh oh
This is my do over, not yours
This is my do over, not yours
Bridge
You kept this head turner
too long on the backburner
So I’m moving on!
Chorus
You can take your womanizing
Put it where the sun's never gonna shine in
I'm done and I don't wanna second look no, no
Thinking you're God’s gift to women
Pushing me way past my limit
I'm not getting back on that itty bitty hook
this is my do over, not yours
no!
This is my do over, not yours
Oh oh!
This is my do over, not yours
This is my do over, not yours
No , not yours,
My do over not, yours
No, not yours
2014-2015 BMI All Rights Reserved Kimberly Hales Kime/Mitch Collins

-------------------old posts below------------

Hi guys
This is another rough draft of a song, that my co-writer Mitch Collins, wanted to get input on.
We put it together somewhat quickly, musically, for a pitch to The Band Perry that was running, now off but hopefully it will come back and we will have the song in a lot better shape by then to pitch it or pitch to other female artists, duets or trios...

The Band Perry, in case you are not familiar with them, is a top of the charts country band with one young lady, Kimberly and her two brothers, Reid and Neil...some of their biggest hits are If I Die Young and Done.
The style we were gearing more toward is their song
You Lie
http://youtu.be/pCwLsXZnFl4



Now the vocals are by Mitch and of course this would be demoed eventually by a female, with backup vocals of males, to try to emulate The wonderfully talented Band Perry's style if possible...
not sure if we are anywhere near the mark or not..we are trying..
This is still very rough but love critique on this melodically, and lyrically.
We had it evaluated once at SongU by one coach but before making any changes, we prefer to get more comments.

I will do my best to respond soon as I can, tomorrow I am going in for surgery and may be offline a few days. I really appreciate all the help we can get on this.

I appreciate the friendly people here at JPF!

Kimberly

My Heartache, Not Yours



Verse
My best friend gave me her phone to see
A text from you asking 'bout me
Think you're misunderstanding the situation
I gave you my heart, and you added an ache
Then handed it back like a big mistake
Now digging for some none of your business information

PC - Rise
Well, well, do tell, do tell—uh uh

Chorus
This is my heartache, not yours
I'm way past hurt, guess you haven't heard
Not wasting a second for a second look
You never felt the pain, not like me
Now that I’m fine you keep on trying
To get me back on your little itty bitty hook
Buddy I need a bigger man, don't think you can understand
This is my heartache not yours
My heartache not yours (echo)
My heartache not yours
My heartache not yours (echo)
My heartache not yours

Verse
You think I still need you in my life
I must admit I'm not surprised
You got a bad case of self-infatuation
When you were singing your goodbye song
I bet you thought I'd never move on
But I've tuned to a totally different radio station

Repeat PC/Rise

Repeat Chorus

Bridge
No more pining and no more crying
Since the day I realized you were only trying
To keep me hanging on and on and on

Partial Chorus
This is my heartache not yours
My heartache not yours (echo)
My heartache not yours
My heartache not yours (echo)
My heartache not yours
Mine not yours


©2014 Kimberly Hales Kime & Mitchell Collins

Last edited by KimberlyinNC; 11/06/15 04:03 AM.

*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
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this is pretty cool Kim,i think a young female would kill it for sure.Good luck with it!Mike

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This is right there ...I like the bridge followed by shortened chorus...
The early part of the chorus could do with a little more differentiation from verse melody.
I only listened once so could be wrong.

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I agree that a youngish female vocal would nail it. FWIW, I definitely hear it that way after a second listen - but take it with a grain of salt as I'm pretty old school and don't listen to modern country smile Hope it works out wonderfully for you.


Check out our new album Janice Merritt "Am I Blue Enough?"
on Spotify, Apple Music, Pandora, Amazon and others.
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Just saw this one today.....

I think you have the modern country style nailed musically. It sounds like the sample song you posted plus a number of others that are similar. I would not change the melody or chords.

No offense to Mitch but his voice does not work for this. Obviously a girl singer would be best for a serious demo.

Lyrically, the story is a bit convoluted and I am not sure how easily it would be understood without reading the words. I don't really see why the hook is saying it's her heartache and not his, when there is nothing in the story to suggest that he has a heartache.

I am not sure that matters, but what does matter is the flow of the hook. I don't think the hook flows well. Maybe it should end with the word heartache. I would change it to something like:

1. Just my heartache or
2. Not your heartache or
3. Not your heartache, just mine or
4. I got the heartache
5. I'm the one with the heartache

Keep or sweep.



Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


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Originally Posted by Michael LeBlanc
this is pretty cool Kim,i think a young female would kill it for sure.Good luck with it!Mike

Thank you Michael, I am hopeful....

Kim


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
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Originally Posted by Neil Cotton
This is right there ...I like the bridge followed by shortened chorus...
The early part of the chorus could do with a little more differentiation from verse melody.
I only listened once so could be wrong.

Thanks Neil, I will bring that up to my collaborator. smile
Kim


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
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Originally Posted by Janice & Bud
I agree that a youngish female vocal would nail it. FWIW, I definitely hear it that way after a second listen - but take it with a grain of salt as I'm pretty old school and don't listen to modern country smile Hope it works out wonderfully for you.

Thanks Janice and Bud. We tried to do in the vein of Band Perry-ish..
smile still working on it though..
Kim


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
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Originally Posted by Colin Ward
Just saw this one today.....

I think you have the modern country style nailed musically. It sounds like the sample song you posted plus a number of others that are similar. I would not change the melody or chords.

No offense to Mitch but his voice does not work for this. Obviously a girl singer would be best for a serious demo.

Lyrically, the story is a bit convoluted and I am not sure how easily it would be understood without reading the words. I don't really see why the hook is saying it's her heartache and not his, when there is nothing in the story to suggest that he has a heartache.

I am not sure that matters, but what does matter is the flow of the hook. I don't think the hook flows well. Maybe it should end with the word heartache. I would change it to something like:

1. Just my heartache or
2. Not your heartache or
3. Not your heartache, just mine or
4. I got the heartache
5. I'm the one with the heartache

Keep or sweep.



Thanks so much Colin. What I was meaning with the lyric but maybe it is not coming across like I want it to is she is saying he should mind his own business, she is not his business anymore but mostly saying its her heartache, not his, as in she was and is the one that felt anything and is hurting, he never did..so it is supposed to have two meanings..It's mine, so mind your own and 2nd you never had the heartache to begin with, if that make sense..still in the re-writing and working on it phase..I appreciate your time and opinion. smile thanks!!!
Kim


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
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Hi Kim,

Just listened to your track. There's a potential here to be an album cut, but I feel that there are a few places that you should probably consider rewriting (I won't repeat any other information that has been mentioned by other members, as I agree with some of what they've said):

1. Your verses are really solid, but I feel that your PC/Rise doesn't really fit with your "hook" - it feels more like filler to me rather than bringing in any new information to the lyric's story
2. You may want to focus on rewriting the last line of each verse so that it could make a logical flow from the verse to the chorus. I understand the gist of the song, but that transitional suspense to an ultimate payoff line wasn't completely hitting it on the nail for me
3. You have a neat chorus, but I feel that you may want to shorten some of those lines. For a while, I feel that the chorus was a little too wordy and not as repetitive (motif-wise) enough for me to remember your chorus.

Hopefully this helps. Nice work and good luck!

Karen




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Thank you so much Karen, I will show this to my collaborator while we continue to work on this and try to get it into better shape.

I appreciate your input
Kim


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
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Hi Kim,

My thoughts. Just some things to consider:

I gave you my heart, and you added an ache
...and you gave me its ache. (It's the I-gave-you/you-gave-me country style)

Then handed it back like a big mistake
...tossed it back like your worst mistake. (a little more emphatic)

[I[This is my heartache, not yours[/I]
That was my heartache... (since you're over him now)

Just a couple of possibilities

Dave smile

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Hi Kim.

I can tell that you are writing these lyrics with a current feel for a female pop singer. I like the concept and think you can have a good song here. I do think the weak link at this point is the chorus and PC. Your chorus as is IMO, is "three parts"- PC intro/PC rise/ and hook. I like your PC rise and am not to "sold" on the initial PC and the repeating hook. I like repeats, but there may be a little too much for me--but I think repeats "work" only when the chorus melody grabs you, and that may be why I'm feeling that those repeats are a little tiring.

At this point I'd experiment a bit more there with maybe only repeating the last one or reduce the number of lines altogether in that later chorus area. I'd also experiment with the initial PC by maybe giving it a simple "quicker" statement then pause, hit the snare drum and enter the real chorus rise.

I like much of the delivery pace. The first verse is a GREAT opening verse to generate this story and vibe! The Bridge is also a nice change-up.

I'll look more closely at the chorus, if I get an idea that may be of interest, I'll get in touch with you. Others like the chorus, so it may be fine as is for many! I think some melody tweaking could improve it and maybe less repeats or tagging. JMO. Some great potential here for a current vibe!

steady-eddie.

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Bump because we finally had a demo made for the song along with Title Change. Thanks JPFERS!!!
Its a late night, will be back soon to review some songs!! Promise


Kimberly


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
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Kim, this sounds right in the pocket for contemporary country. I didn't hear the original but this version is up there. Congrats on a song well demoed!

Ricki

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Still writing the songs I see Kimberly. smile Nice demo. Good structure. Authentic sound. You've gotten real good. smile

Last edited by Martin James; 11/06/15 02:06 PM.
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It's reached number one deservedly! good song all round good vocal too
Travis


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Well, anything I may have said and then some has been said already. So, I'll leave you with, I enjoyed it and think you're on the right track with the lyric. The chorus isn't as memorable as it could be but it will be when you're done. Enjoyed it so far!


Caroline


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Hi Kimberly,

Congrats on a fine song and demo! I've always admired your writing skills, and your stick-to-it-iveness.

You found the perfect singer and arrangement. I love every line in here, "I gave you my heart, you added an ache" might be my favorite and is certainly typical of the writing here--conversational, smart, sassy.

Mike


Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

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from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
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Thanks so much Ricki!! We worked hard on it, hope it will be worth it in the end

Kim


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
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Hi Martin
Thanks for the kind compliments. I always enjoy writing with Mitch Collins and now working on 3rd collab. with him.
Thanks again
Kim


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
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Thanks Travis. I love the vocalist, she is for hire for people who want to do a demo.

Kimberly


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
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Thanks Caroline and the song is done except for a little bit of mixing changes. I hope someone might like it enough to pick it up..can't do anything but hope...right?
smile
Kim


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
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Originally Posted by Michael Zaneski
Hi Kimberly,

Congrats on a fine song and demo! I've always admired your writing skills, and your stick-to-it-iveness.

You found the perfect singer and arrangement. I love every line in here, "I gave you my heart, you added an ache" might be my favorite and is certainly typical of the writing here--conversational, smart, sassy.

Mike

Thanks for the very kind comments Mike. Yeah, been going at this songwriting for a while now, and try to stick to it though get worn down from it all from time to time. It helps to write with someone like Mitch, he has great ideas. We got this demo through Jason Wyatt Productions in Nashville and I like the singer too, she has a great voice--thanks again
Kim


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
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Kim,

Great song, solid production/performance! First I've heard it, and enjoyed it!

steady-eddie.

(It must have been awhile back, sorry that I didn't recognize it this time around--I'm getting up there you know! It really does sound good)!

Last edited by E Swartz; 11/23/15 03:35 AM.
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Thanks Ed! You commented on original version of My Heartache not yours. smile Thanks for advice.
Glad you liked it
Kim


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
BMI Member All Rights Reserved
http://www.littleikepublishing.com
Email for Song Business Only
littleikeproductions@hotmail.com

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