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#1095692 - 11/15/15 06:07 PM Blue Tempered Steel ( Revised >>>again LOL)  
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Neil Cotton Offline
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Blue Tempered Steel (Neil Cotton)

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13254010

Her Mother was a nurse
Her Dad was police
They both would love
How she keeps the peace
She’s barbed wire tough
But strawberry sweet


She has the heart of an angel
Wears a gun and shield
To the street she is
Blue tempered steel
She’ll bend if needed
But will never break.
Like Blue tempered steel

She serves and protects
Has an eye for detail
She walks her beat
Each day without fail
Helps kids stay straight
Puts the thugs in jail

~B
In heaven after sliding through a black ice curve
Her parents are smilin’, seeing them in her

She has the heart of an angel
Wears a gun and shield
To the street she is
Blue tempered steel
She’ll bend if needed
but will never break.
Blue tempered steel

Blue tempered steel

Last edited by Neil Cotton; 11/18/15 03:01 AM.
#1095710 - 11/16/15 12:29 AM Re: Blue Tempered Steel [Re: Neil Cotton]  
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TC Perkins Offline
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Hiyas Neil. I thought the music was pretty well done, and the lyrics worked well with it. Is this based on real life with a good looking lady cop who got your motor running? wink

My 3 points of critique are:
1. Vocals are very pitchy. I have heard your other tunes and know you can sing this better.
2. The first hook line "Blue Tempered Steel" melody is okay but I think you can make a small adjustment to the melody here to punctuate the hook and really drive it home. It needs to stick its head out from the rest of the lines in the chorus.
3. The bridge seems a bit off topic; it works but it is not as strong as it could be.

Fun song! I hope this helps.

Peace,
TC


If it has strings I will find a way to play it!

You can hear my tunes at https://soundcloud.com/tc-gypsy
#1095729 - 11/16/15 12:09 PM Re: Blue Tempered Steel [Re: TC Perkins]  
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I like the lyric it's good and well written as I commented on F3.
I think the verses would work better with a faster tempo than you have.
Also I would start the song with the chorus and for that last line even though it's your hook I'd add an extra line

But will never break.
Like Blue tempered steel
BEST THIS COUNTRY MAKES.

Just a couple of ideas
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1095763 - 11/16/15 04:56 PM Re: Blue Tempered Steel [Re: Travis david]  
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tempo altered ...thanks.

#1095764 - 11/16/15 04:59 PM Re: Blue Tempered Steel [Re: TC Perkins]  
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Originally Posted by TC Perkins
Hiyas Neil. I thought the music was pretty well done, and the lyrics worked well with it. Is this based on real life with a good looking lady cop who got your motor running? wink

My 3 points of critique are:
1. Vocals are very pitchy.
I have heard your other tunes and know you can sing this better.
2. The first hook line "Blue Tempered Steel" melody is okay but I think you can make a small adjustment to the melody here to punctuate the hook and really drive it home. It needs to stick its head out from the rest of the lines in the chorus.
3. The bridge seems a bit off topic; it works but it is not as strong as it could be.

Fun song! I hope this helps.

Peace,
TC


(my morning voice)
Yes the vocals are always an issue ...your point re the hook is well taken.
The bridge is "about combining good qualities of her parents in her". If I have to explain it, it is not working.
Thanks

Last edited by Neil Cotton; 11/16/15 05:12 PM.
#1095767 - 11/16/15 05:14 PM Re: Blue Tempered Steel [Re: Neil Cotton]  
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Maybe rearranging lines and verses can make the bridge more obvious...in my mind that is what the song is about.

#1095793 - 11/16/15 08:33 PM Re: Blue Tempered Steel [Re: Neil Cotton]  
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tempo and verse changes...vocals are a little better, maybe LOL

#1095827 - 11/17/15 03:22 PM Re: Blue Tempered Steel [Re: Neil Cotton]  
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yeah Neil,sounding better for sure,i like the story but the bridge kind of threw me.I like your changes.Mike

Last edited by Michael LeBlanc; 11/17/15 07:16 PM.
#1095831 - 11/17/15 04:28 PM Re: Blue Tempered Steel [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
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Changes sound better Neil


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1095843 - 11/17/15 06:16 PM Re: Blue Tempered Steel [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
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Originally Posted by Michael LeBlanc
yeah Neil,sounding better for sure,i like the story but the bridge kind of through me.I like your changes.Mike

Guess the bridge need to be worked on.
I hope you didn't hit your head when you were thrown. LOL

#1095844 - 11/17/15 06:17 PM Re: Blue Tempered Steel [Re: Travis david]  
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Thanks Travis...what do you think of the bridge???
It's the closing statement on the character sketch.

#1095854 - 11/17/15 10:45 PM Re: Blue Tempered Steel [Re: Neil Cotton]  
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I'm not sure of all the changes you made but this is a VAST improvement!

I still think the bridge needs revising but don't let my opinion sway you if this is a strong part of your vision for the song. It does work as I stated before; I just think it would be better if it was something clever more along the lines of the "sugar and spice" theme of the song.

Great job tweaking this baby!

Peace,
TC


If it has strings I will find a way to play it!

You can hear my tunes at https://soundcloud.com/tc-gypsy
#1095857 - 11/17/15 11:26 PM Re: Blue Tempered Steel [Re: TC Perkins]  
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Neil,that was one nice ride! I enjoyed the listen. I think the bridge works myself. Nice write Neil.

Todd


Everything we have has come from you, and we
give you only what you have already given us!

1 Chronicles 29:14


www.soundclick.com/toddgstrachan
#1095863 - 11/18/15 03:00 AM Re: Blue Tempered Steel [Re: Todd Strachan]  
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Todd, well thank you sir, you have made my evening.
Well this and the fact the Toronto Maple Leafs won. BTW, thanks for giving us Mike Babcock.

#1095867 - 11/18/15 08:32 AM Re: Blue Tempered Steel [Re: Neil Cotton]  
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I think the bridge works well Neil


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1095872 - 11/18/15 12:51 PM Re: Blue Tempered Steel [Re: Travis david]  
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thanks Travis

#1096023 - 11/22/15 05:13 PM Re: Blue Tempered Steel [Re: Neil Cotton]  
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Hello Neil,

This song is coming right along.
it has a pleasant sound.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#1096024 - 11/22/15 08:51 PM Re: Blue Tempered Steel [Re: Calvin]  
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Thanks Cal..it is where it is until some reason to change come's along. LOL

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