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Blue Tempered Steel (Neil Cotton) http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13254010Her Mother was a nurse Her Dad was police They both would love How she keeps the peace She’s barbed wire tough But strawberry sweet She has the heart of an angel Wears a gun and shield To the street she is Blue tempered steel She’ll bend if needed But will never break. Like Blue tempered steel She serves and protects Has an eye for detail She walks her beat Each day without fail Helps kids stay straight Puts the thugs in jail ~B In heaven after sliding through a black ice curve Her parents are smilin’, seeing them in her She has the heart of an angel Wears a gun and shield To the street she is Blue tempered steel She’ll bend if needed but will never break. Blue tempered steel Blue tempered steel
Last edited by Neil Cotton; 11/18/15 03:01 AM.
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Hiyas Neil. I thought the music was pretty well done, and the lyrics worked well with it. Is this based on real life with a good looking lady cop who got your motor running? My 3 points of critique are: 1. Vocals are very pitchy. I have heard your other tunes and know you can sing this better. 2. The first hook line "Blue Tempered Steel" melody is okay but I think you can make a small adjustment to the melody here to punctuate the hook and really drive it home. It needs to stick its head out from the rest of the lines in the chorus. 3. The bridge seems a bit off topic; it works but it is not as strong as it could be. Fun song! I hope this helps. Peace, TC
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I like the lyric it's good and well written as I commented on F3. I think the verses would work better with a faster tempo than you have. Also I would start the song with the chorus and for that last line even though it's your hook I'd add an extra line
But will never break. Like Blue tempered steel BEST THIS COUNTRY MAKES.
Just a couple of ideas Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Hiyas Neil. I thought the music was pretty well done, and the lyrics worked well with it. Is this based on real life with a good looking lady cop who got your motor running? My 3 points of critique are: 1. Vocals are very pitchy. I have heard your other tunes and know you can sing this better. 2. The first hook line "Blue Tempered Steel" melody is okay but I think you can make a small adjustment to the melody here to punctuate the hook and really drive it home. It needs to stick its head out from the rest of the lines in the chorus. 3. The bridge seems a bit off topic; it works but it is not as strong as it could be. Fun song! I hope this helps. Peace, TC (my morning voice) Yes the vocals are always an issue ...your point re the hook is well taken. The bridge is "about combining good qualities of her parents in her". If I have to explain it, it is not working. Thanks
Last edited by Neil Cotton; 11/16/15 05:12 PM.
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Maybe rearranging lines and verses can make the bridge more obvious...in my mind that is what the song is about.
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tempo and verse changes...vocals are a little better, maybe LOL
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yeah Neil,sounding better for sure,i like the story but the bridge kind of threw me.I like your changes.Mike
Last edited by Michael LeBlanc; 11/17/15 07:16 PM.
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Changes sound better Neil
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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yeah Neil,sounding better for sure,i like the story but the bridge kind of through me.I like your changes.Mike Guess the bridge need to be worked on. I hope you didn't hit your head when you were thrown. LOL
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Thanks Travis...what do you think of the bridge??? It's the closing statement on the character sketch.
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I'm not sure of all the changes you made but this is a VAST improvement!
I still think the bridge needs revising but don't let my opinion sway you if this is a strong part of your vision for the song. It does work as I stated before; I just think it would be better if it was something clever more along the lines of the "sugar and spice" theme of the song.
Great job tweaking this baby!
Peace, TC
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Neil,that was one nice ride! I enjoyed the listen. I think the bridge works myself. Nice write Neil.
Todd
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Todd, well thank you sir, you have made my evening. Well this and the fact the Toronto Maple Leafs won. BTW, thanks for giving us Mike Babcock.
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I think the bridge works well Neil
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Thanks Cal..it is where it is until some reason to change come's along. LOL
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