OK, let's try it again. This song fell through the cyber cracks when the site went down. If you listened and commented, please do so again, because I didn't get a chance to respond. I'm looking for suggestions on what production you can hear for it. Also, is the message clear and worth listening to. Thanks,
This has a very haunting feel to it. Production wise, I see vry minimal production. An acoustic guitar, some haunting string instruments in th background and that is all you need. I think the message is clear, at least from my take on the song. "Take responsibility for your mistakes and move on .... You can't change the past only the future.". At least that is what I take from it.
Nice write. I love the haunting quiet melody. Nice work.
I really like this sultry and lonely vibe you have here. For me, I'm getting a little Steven Stills feel from CSN&Y. As far as production, I'd like to see a song that builds slowly adding instrumentation as the song builds especially initially. Then with each new verse, peal back a bit and build again, then end the song reversing the build gradually getting "thin" again. I think a real polished acoustic guitar should carry the song, but I wouldn't mind hearing some piano chords mixed throughout in the building areas. You could end with a little piano fluttering complimenting the guitar, but keep the guitar dominant. Drums can also work with very little in areas then some fairly strong accents as well. Bass should be there, but not real strong. These are some ideas (one approach) that my gut feels with this vibe.
These are some pretty cool lyrics too, but I think in vs. 2, I might experiment with using just "fingers" then maybe come back with the rhyme,"lingers." My thought is she wouldn't forget anything about this guy making this verse could be more sexual and passionate at this point of the song--though it was a dream--still lingers in her memory. (Not a big deal--just a thought to explore).
I like how your chorus the 2nd time around you go up an octave singing--but it has to be done like Heart would do it, not Joni Mitchell--this song to me needs that "edge." (I couldn't sing like that either in a key for myself( as I'm no heavy rock singer myself. This is what I'm hearing in my mind if I was producing this, so just sharing these thoughts/ideas with you as you asked in your opening intro. Keep or sweep!
hi Ricki! was here once, I thought this was very good. I wouldn`t change a thing with the music, simple acoustic guitar, maybe a haunting, lonesome part in it with a fiddle...know what I mean? sparingly. I think the timing on this is just right for something like that. just my opinion.
I like every bit of this except these two lines in the write:
"Something special slipped through my fingertips I wake up from the dream"
maybe something more puzzling , mystic....lol to go with the other 4 lines, that's a good verse I thought. again just my thoughts. hope all is good in your world. nice work Lane
Last edited by lane1777; 08/02/1512:33 PM.
"Blessed are the words of truth and fiction, one might save you from the other...Vincent
Thanks Lane but I don't think "mystical" is where I want to go. Having been made to feel stupid by other people's lyrics, I really don't want to leave anyone else scratching their heads, wondering "What the...?" Glad you like it though. Thanks,
I always thought that Robert Fulghum's book title (or some variation thereof) would make a great song.
The song's message is clear, and most of the lines relate back to the title. V2 is a bit of an odd duck in that it's more personal and confessional than the rest, but I'm glad it's there, cuz usually when a singer sings aphoristic-ly to ones self, there are usually some events that have triggered these feelings of self preservation, and we get a glimpse into that with V2.
You could get away with something as sparse as an added harmony and a little extra accompaniment in the chorus.
Great song..you are writing at a very high caliber.
Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 08/02/1506:29 PM.
Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice Fortune depends on the tone of your voice
-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon) from the song "Songs of Love" from the album "Casanova" (1996)
Thanks for stopping by, Floyd and for your suggestions. I love Pink Floyd!
That line used to be "I may not like all I see" but I decided not to be wishy-washy about it. Not sure I want it up in the air. All we have to work with is who we are and that means accepting the good and the bad. Thanks,
This is poignant and stirring -- a lovely song! I laughed that you have gotten everything minimal to full Pink Floyd production! I'll go middle of the road ... somewhere in between -- lol! (Actually, any of the suggested treatments would work, I think -- it's versatile!)