JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum Dancing With Lily (still working it)

FIRST VERSE
Lily dressed in yellow on the balcony above,
She'd practice ballet, every day about this
time,
Quietly I sat, as she danced, one floor
directly above mine,
I was falling in love with Lily, from the
balcony above . .

CHORUS
When she danced, her shadow would appear,
I'd stand, bow my head, then politely say
hello,
Softly whisper her name, then slowly draw her
near,
Then I'd dance with Lily, on the balcony
below,

BREAK (Violin)

SECOND VERSE
Then, just like a bubble in a bottle of
champagne,
Lily would be gone, quickly as she came,
I'd hear the door close, from the balcony
above,
It was Lily dressed in yellow, it was Lily
my love . .

CHORUS
When she danced, her shadow would appear,
I'd stand, bow my head, and politely say
hello,
Softly whisper her name, then slowly draw her near,
Then I'd dance with Lily, on the balcony
below . .

Howdy Stump, dunno what to think about this one. I like it quite a bit. I have nothing to complain about. Seems to be well written as far as my eyes can see. Keep on writin' and have a wonderful day.

------------------
See ya when I make it...

Nick

Hey Nick,
Some nights I like a piano with a jigger of
violin. Thanks for the read . . .


SEEYA AROUND THE CAMPUS!

Hi Stump, Its a great idea....run with it..I just have one question..how do you know she is wearing yellow?
I enjoyed it all the way through...no nits!!
Liana

Liana,
The view from the lower balcony is quite
spectacular, not only does it provide a
panaromic vista of the world for which I draw
a great deal of inspiration from, its from
this point that I first saw Lily.One evening
last summer as I stood transfixed admiring the city in full illumination, my attention
was drawn to the rooftop of the St.Pierodela
Hotel.Shining skyward was a bank of lighting
that graced an enormous billboard that was
featuring the "Centre City Ballet",and there
like a song to be written, was Lily dressed
in yellow, Lily my love . .


SEEYA AROUND THE CAMPUS!

I think Dancing with lily's shadow is a beautiful image. Great song, Stump.

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

I knew that Austrailian language course I
took in High School would eventually payoff!

HIDee Stumper!

LIKE the way this Heads....recommend a Verse 3 so it Goes Somewheres.

JMO..of course...but "End" feels like Act 2 in a 3 Act Play.

Good Luck with 2/3 of a Good'n' Amigo!
Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

There is no payoff.




[This message has been edited by BigAppleLyricist (edited 03-29-2004).]

ASKING SOMEONE TO DUMMY DOWN THEIR CREATIVITY
TO A LEVEL THAT WOULD BE MORE INTELLECTUALLY
COMPREHENDIBLE,IS A GROSSLY INSENSITIVE RUDE
TASTELESS AND IGNORANT THING TO DO!

THIS IS JPFOLKS, NOT JERRY SPRINGER!

No one is asking you to do any such thing except to breathe some life into a lifeless story.

[This message has been edited by BigAppleLyricist (edited 03-29-2004).]

REAL?IS THAT HOW ARE LYRICS ARE SUPPOSED TO
BE WRITTEN? THEN GET YOUR ERASER, HERE'S A
FEW THAT GOT BY YOU, WHILE YOU WERE BUSY
BEING ABSORBED WRITING "REAL" LYRICS!

THE GREAT PRETENDER

Too real is this feeling of make believe
To real when I feel what my heart can't
conceal. .
(The Platters, Lyrics by Buck Ram)

SONG OF THE DREAMER

We met in a dream
You walked by my side
And there in that dream
Your arms opened wide
(EDDIE FISCHER)

SECRET LOVE

So I told a friendly star
The way that dreamers often do
Just how wonderful you are
And why I'm so in love with you
(Doris Day Lyrics by Sammy Fain, Paul Francis

DEEP PURPLE

And as long as my heart will beat
Lover will always meet
Here in my deep purple dreams
Here in my deep purple dreams
(Billy Ward & His Dominoes, Lyrics M.Parrish

I CAN DREAM, CAN'T I

I can see,
No matter how near you'll be
You'll never belong to me
But I can dream, can't I
(Andrew Sisters, Lyrics by, Irving Kahl

**MY FAVORITE**
SWINGING ON A STAR

And all the monkeys aren't in a zoo
Every day you meet quite a few
So you see, it's all up to you
You can be better off than you are
You could be swinging on a star
(Lyrics by Johnny Burke)

THESE ARE JUST A FEW SONGS THAT STEPPED OUT
OF THE "REAL" WORLD, OR AS YOU SAY "LAME"AND
WERE HITS THAT CONTINUE TO BE REDONE TODAY,
PRETTY LAME, "HUH"

NO, I'M NOT UPSET WITH YOUR SHALLOW OPINION,
I'M QUITE SADDENED, FOR YOU!

I HAVE A DREAM TODAY!
(Martin Luther King)

Bigapple knows his own genre' of music and has good opinions for that. But outside he doesnt know much in my humble opinion. I think absolutely a man can fall in love with a woman without meeting her, many times there is a force that just attracts you to a certain individual. Someone once told me "We attract what we need at that moment". I think the guy maybe made out to be a tad to shy...but thats just me - I think the song has great potential, I like the setting you paint. Great work

------------------
It still burns!
ORION

did you post this once before, Stump?

I remember telling you how i loved the idea.

I think it's very romantic and that if the listener can picture it, as I can, that one day they will meet for real.

annie

I've met all those songwriters and singers. I didn't need a lesson in their lyrics. I was hoping you'd put some life into your song. Falling in love with someone you've never met is a lame idea. Billions of guys are actually dating. Have you ever asked a girl out? They don't bow their head before they ask a girl to dance or go out on a date.

[This message has been edited by BigAppleLyricist (edited 03-23-2004).]

RT
I agree, some people refuse to put the crayons down.Thanks for your comments, glad you like the lyrics.


Hi Annie,
Yes, it is the song you commented on with a
minor change, but basically dejavu.Your basic
gentleman on his balcony dancing with a
shadow, can you imagine,? Thanks. . .


NY APPLE,
Have a nice Day!

Hey Stump...I've been reluctant to wade in here on this lyric because I'm not crazy about it....not because i don't think you can be in love with someone you don't know...hell I've been in love with trisha yearwood for years....my problem is with building of the idea...it seems to me to be thin...I would like to see abit more character build up and background....what's he doing there? Why does he find her fascinating? Only my opinions but essential for me to grab ahold of.....trush

-----------

awww thats so cute Bigapple thinks shes a pro.

Trush,
Objectivity in a refined civilized manner,
now there's a concept that might confuse one
of the patients here at the asylum.
I agree, it could be a bit more descriptive,
I was trying to paint a picture of a high
rise apartment building in the city.I lived
in NY in the 60's for three years and
never met my neighbors, yet if you saw them
from afar, you'd start forming, piecing, and
building a perception of where they work,
what kind of entertainment they enjoy, who is that young lady I see knocking on their
door all the time, why, thats got to be the
daughter etc. Then if you do ever get to
know them,usually you find out that you were
so far off it wasn't funny. Thank's for wading in.

Actually I really did enjoy this...and I think that this was very romantic...but I think it could use something more...in the form of another verse...a bridge...

My thought was to make the 3rd verse...bridge...whatever...that maybe Lily knew about you watching her...and knew how you pretended to be dancing with her...and maybe have her show up at your door...yellow dress and all...

One day at the same time Lily was supposed to be above
Was startled and surprised to hear a knock on the door
And I said a prayer of thanks to the Lord above,
It was Lily dressed in yellow, it was Lily my love...

The rhyme I know is off...but you get my drift..

Good work...

I live in New York, and we don't need ANOTHER WIMPY guy. He bows his head and dances with a fantasy. Sorry, I can't stomach chicken [naughty word removed] guys. I guess because I am a twin [I am the female half] I find cowards revolting. There are a lot of songwriters - especially from England and Australia who fall in love with girls they have never met. Maybe they are too cheap to invite a girl out to dinner. I give THEM a hard time too.

NicNac,
Tell you the truth, I've been trying to come
up with something similar as you mentioned.
I've been to the elevator, stairway,laundry
room and now I'm out of the building,maybe
a shared taxi,shared umbrella.It's a big city
with big dreamers and I'm sure something will
fit eventually.I thank you for the help.

Hey Stump, I have an idea for your bridge,
get her cranky old pretentious 3xdivorced
x actress/singer/caberet dancing mother who has nothing better to do than belittle demean and deride this princess, to throw a bucket of water on the ledge below...
... that should put some life back into it, but dont forget to write about the expression on lily's face!
And up she goes..
J/k Liana

Liana,
Breathing that much life into this might
encourage others to start writing spinoffs
and before we new it the entire board would
be full of posts of "Shadow Dancers"running
amok.Tempting as it sounds, it might dimimish
the efforts of improving the mental well
being of a certain someone at the asylum and
extinguish any hope at recovery to a normal
way of thinking.Lets say I stopped by the
"Home For Aging Actors" to inquire about
Lilys mother, and unfortunately she is to
frail to pick up a glass of water never mind
a bucket.And because of the agressive behavior she displays toward the staff, she
stays heavily sedated, spending much of her
time in the buff, out on the balcony, dancing
with shadows.But the idea is definately a way
of breathing life into a cowardly shy lame
wimpy head bowing shadow dancing kinda guy.
Keep the ideas coming,it seems to keep the
natives from getting restless.

SEEYA AROUND THE CAMPUS!

You make me laugh uncontrollably.

PS I accidently used amock to ryhme with shock yesterday and was repremanded serverely
by my other half for making up words.
Its amuck he said, so darn, my puppy couldnt run amock he had to chew a sock!!! LOL
"days of counting children"
Liana

from nic nac:

"One day at the same time Lily was supposed to be above
Was startled and surprised to hear a knock on the door
And I said a prayer of thanks to the Lord above,
It was Lily dressed in yellow, it was Lily my love..."

-------
How about the first line being (for suspense?)
"One day at the same time Lily's shadow didn't appear"--"wasn't there"
----
000000000 I like that!

annie

But did she exists annie? maybe it was a tree?

Interesting point--a tree, though, would always be there, but Lily?

This song has so much potential
annie

Liana/Annie,
Do you know this song was drifting slowly out
to sea, off into the horizon of board two and
then suddenly, "ba boom" someone started to
feel a little frisky and launched into an
unwarranted written assualt full of distain
and obscenities,questioning the manhood of
a imaginary guy falling in love with a imaginary neighbor who practiced ballet on a , well, you guessed it "imaginary balcony".
And to top it off, he's accused of being a
cheapskate for not taking her out to dinner!
Whoever said songwriting is a dull thankless
boring lonely way of exercising the brain, obviously hasn't taken a bus ride through
this quaint little villlage.Thanks for your
comments,oh, Annie I like what you posted,
and I'm taking notes,and Liana's laughing,
which is good, because if you can't laugh at
this stuff, I mean it just don't get any better.

SEEYA AROUND THE CAMPUS!

Gee I hope you don't think I was assaulting you. I've been on your side with this song from day one!
annie

Annie,
My lord no,if you thought I was implying that,it wasn't meant to be. I enjoy all the comments, suggestions and thoughts, and both you and Liana are to be commended for the
amount of unselfish participation you guys
constantly contribute.I find it invaluable to receive someone else's view, and believe mewhen I say I'm taking notes, I literally do. Put em all together, and when I rewrite I go over the suggestions, some work, some don't, but it gave a different perspective.Now I will be honest with you,
I didn't use the suggestion you gave me on that song "Kiss It In July" a few weeks back,if you remember (Lips stuck on the window), i believe you suggested in order to instill a little more interest, the guy should have been dangling from the 2nd story window. I knew you were kidding (right) but the image I got when I read that ,was just to funny. Anyway, no, no, no, no,I didn't
mean for it to sound that way.

OMG i had forgotten about that remark of mine ha ha
annie

Me & my shadow.... you wanna dance with me now..
What a strange looking man Al Jolson was for his time, but he wrote em, they sang em ..
Thx stumps, Im supporting you Liana

Liana,
One of the few things in life that our certain is that we can always count on the
Aussie's!!

Much Obliged,


SEEYA AROUND THE CAMPUS!!

It is indeed amuck, which nowadays is usually written as amok. Either form is correct.

The late, great Wesley Willis gives the usage and pronunciation an interesting twist in his classic: "I Whupped Batman's A**"

And by the way (as if it needed mentioning) BigAppleLyricist is way out of line. There's nothing wrong with the premise of the song, it's a lovely image and sentiment, and all it needs is another verse or bridge or something to "wrap up the story", so to speak.

RIP Wesley
Rock over, London... Rock on Chicago... Wheaties, Breakfast of Champions.


[This message has been edited by RobertK (edited 03-26-2004).]

RobertK
Your amicable approach in describing the lyrics from your perception would have been
just as well received if you had had an
objective or negative spin, thanks.Also the
need for another verse/bridge to bring a more
cohesive conclusion to end up with,is exactly
my current occupation.Thanks again for your
ad in, much appreciated.


SEEYA AROUND THE CAMPUS!

hi stump

I still like my idea that "one day Lily wasn't there at her normally specified time" of practicing her ballet--- and take it from there.

a shadow now gone--but where?
Was she an illusion?

or was she on the stairs coming down to meet you as she knew you were there all the time?

run wild buddy
annie

I love lily so much now, I have to visit here every trip into this room.
Thanks Robert for the insight, I do believe it is English Amok, pronounced amuck and the americans used amuck,different dictionary different take.. oo if I could just rememeber
how to spell after talking baby gaa gaa and washing dishes for too many years, I would be happy!

Liana

Be happy nonetheless... the earth will last another million years without good spellers, but she won't last three generations without mothers.