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by Fdemetrio - 04/25/24 01:36 AM
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Awakening (c) Earl Faria February 2015
(Looking for some help on this one. Got a lot of stuff here that I think needs to be cut down a little. The 3rd and 4th verses are redundant I think and might be able to be combined. I also don't know if I should put a chorus after every verse or not. The last two lines of each verse will be somewhat of a pre-chorus with a change of music and melody)
You've stirred and awakened something inside Something I've fought to bury and tried to hide It's come on like a flood covering over me I've lost control of how I thought my life would(should) be Stumbling over my feelings trying to make them clear Haunted by pain and heartache I fill with fear.
Chorus: Awakening (sung out over two measures) I'd never thought I could feel this way again Awakening (ditto) A gentle spirit has opened up my heart Something for so long I could not see was there right in front of me To trust the joy of love again, and lit the flame of . . Awakening . . .
All giddy and seemingly unsure Like I'm 12 again all shy and immature How much do I say? Do I speak from the heart? Do I hold back some distance and play it smart? Where does that leave these feelings of mine? Do I give in now or (push them aside)? (hold the line)
Living within an abandoned promise that didn't last And all I've lost and trying to get past. I've come to a place where I can no longer hide A pull so strong it's impossible to stem the tide Suddenly I'm free to open up so you can see right through And now it seems I just can't get my mind off of you
Hid so long from a place I dared not go for what I may find I stand at the fork of two paths that conflict in my mind A prayer for an answer to quell what's tearing me up inside A life choice staring me in the face, and I'll have to decide Will there be a resolution or absolution? Or just simply no solution . . .
Potential Bridge:
Dare I open up my heart on a journey that maybe I shouldn't start I don't want to hurt another the way that I've be broken No one should endure that pain and loss while the wound is still smokin'
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Hi Earl I would perhaps drop the last verse, verse 4.Move the bridge to follow the second verse add an instrumental then verse 3 and chorus. Hope this helps good lyric Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Hi Earl,
There's a lot of poignant and touching things going on here! I've read this a few times and there's a LOT to think about!
My initial reaction was that we learned from the chorus that the person he's fallen for has already demonstrated that he doesn't have to be fearful ... so it seems to pull us back, after the chorus, when we learn he's still not sure whether to open up.
I'm thinking that it should all be building up to the awakening and trust ... instead of going back and forth.
I'm still thinking! Lisa
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A lotta good thoughts there Earl!
You might start by esing your best lines and weed out a verse, then go from there.
It's a great hook, and well worth the work!
Geneva
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Thanks Travis. I knew there was too much in there. Was thinking of trying to combine the best parts of both.
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Lisa. . . you are correct, but as I indicated, this has no order to it. As the verses were pumping out I was writing/typing them. Arranging them in an order may help with the back and forth. But a question for you; this type of awakening has a lot of fear and apprehension with it even though one may be happy that it is happening. Like getting out of bed, one is happy that it is a new day but may fear what lies ahead. Spirituality has much push and pull and searching within it. I can try to clear it up, but would love to hear more from you about perhaps how. This one is still pretty raw.
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Thanks Geneva. I knew that verse 3 and 4 were too similar. I think I'm going to combine them to one. I need to order them better to make more sense like Lisa stated.
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Earl, You have some good thoughts and feelings here, but it is so wordy and literary, I wouldn't begin to know how to change it.
Last edited by Jim Colyer; 03/01/15 07:30 PM.
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Yeah Jim. . . I have to take a verse out of here. This is a song that is soft rock . . Think of a James Taylor type song instead of a quick moving country tune. Thanks for the impression though as I will be trying to cull it down a little.
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Hi Jim...
I think this has the making of a real good song.
I have some suggestions for the first verse and also maybe the chorus... KOS
If you want I will have a look at the rest to see if I can come up with more suggestions.
You've stirred, awakened, something inside FEELINGS I've fought to bury and hide THEY CAME like a flood TOWERING over me I've lost control of how I thought THINGS aught to be DROWNING in my feelings trying to make them clear MEMORIES of past pain and heartache JUST ADD fear.
Chorus: Awakening (sung out over two measures) I'd never thought I could feel this way again IMAGINING A LIFE WITHOUT PAIN, Awakening (ditto) YOUR gentle spirit has opened up my heart OFFERED THE WAY TO A NEW START Awakening . . .
God Bless Roy and Helen
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Hi Roy!!! Thank you very much. These are the sort of suggestions I was looking for. I'm sure you know how once you start down a path when writing it is hard to see through the forest to other paths. I need a different perspective. Thank you. Great suggestions. . .
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I know exactly what you mean Earl and your welcome
God Bless Roy and Helen
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