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Thursday March 29, 2001
Hi Friends, For those that have read this one, you've watch me toss around some various ideas. Hopefully this one is almost ready for the stage! Ha!
Thanks! Ron
"Joker's Wild" Genre: Country Artist: Male (c)2001 Ron Boyte
v1 I'm sitting on a bar stool Sad music's playing low I'm thinking of Diana And how I love her so I glance across the dance floor And stare as she sits down A Cowboy rambles over He must be new in town
v2 He leads her to the dance floor Then swings her too and fro Diana's snagged a live one He pulls her in real close He's trapped but doesn't know it And thinks she's his to tame Some others point while laughing They've figured out her game
chorus Diana does things to me That shouldn't be allowed One minute my life is over The next she's full of smiles No laws have been broken Teasing's just her style The beauty's in the holding Of my Joker's Wild
v3 Sad music keeps on playing Warm whiskey goes down smooth I hear an Angel calling It's got to be the booze A tap upon my shoulder Diana's headed home Like a bolt from Heaven's sky She's back where she belongs
chorus Diana does things to me That shouldn't be allowed One minute my life is over The next she's full of smiles No laws have been broken Teasing's just her style The beauty's in the holding Of my Joker's Wild
bridge Diana holds all aces To play I play her way Though she teases When she pleases Her loving makes me stay
chorus Diana does things to me That shouldn't be allowed One minute my life is over The next she's full of smiles No laws have been broken Teasing's just her style The beauty's in the holding Of my Joker's Wild
tag No laws have been broken Teasing's just her style The beauty's in the holding Of my Joker's Wild
add The cards fold to the holder Of this Joker's Wild
Contact Information: Ron Boyte 20455 Cr 146 Tyler, Tx. 75703 Ph/Fax: (903) 894-5634 Email: RBoyte7293@aol.com All material is Copyright Protected! All Rights Reserved!
[This message has been edited by Ron Boyte (edited 03-29-2001).]
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Hi Ron, I like this one very much, 'cept for the line 'the beauty's in the holder'....my problem I think is in understanding that line properly. I'm understanding it as you are the holder of this joker's wild....so....that would seem to me to say the beauty's in you? I don't really think that's what you meant here, but that's how I'm reading it. Maybe if you said 'she's a beauty to the holder' or some such. Or maybe I'm just dense...this is always a possibility..especially on a Saturday...lol!
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Hi Ron...Thought this was done up well too.. Your flow and meter as always are done well.. I have a few thoughts on word useage...and that is strictly personal preference but for what that personal preference is worth ...i'll throw them out.. can't see the word GIGGLE in a country song "BUGS" me....and the one Char brought up too. that be it...good luck with it. I'm sure others may feel differently...
Kaley
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Hi Char, I love this board! Sharp eyes everywhere! I had just put the finishing touches on this one today. You said it exactly as I meant for it to be. I made the change. It now reads:
"The beauty's in the holding"
Or, at least I think so! Ha!
When I don't get any suggestions for change, I grow mighty suspicious! Ha!
"Walking in Flames" has not had too much criticism. I don't know if people are getting it.
Thanks! Ron (Have a good weekend!)
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Hey Ron, I also like this one very much. Flowed near perfect for me. I have to agree with Char however about that line. It sounds as if the beauty is in the holder. Like the holder is the beautiful one. I'm thinking the beauty is in the eyes of the beholder but could be wrong. Clarify that and you have a winner all the way!
hotrod
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Hi Kaley and Hot Rod! Thanks much for the read and the comments!
Kaley, You may be right about giggle. I originally had used laughing but, because of the subject at hand, I changed it. This is based on a true story. I was in a bar once in Waco, Texas. There was this couple that was doing exactly this. Seems the lady enjoyed tormenting her boyfriend/husband. They left together though! Ha!
HotRod, Thanks man! This is a work in progress as all of mine are!
Thanks you two! Ron
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Ron I like this one alot. Paints a good picture and has some nice word play. I guess you made some edits after the first few posts. I can't see anything I'd change now. Good one!
------------------ Capt. Tom-Luc
Capt. Tom-Luc
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Hi Ron. Very strong imagery here. I agree that "The beauty's in the holding" is much better than "The beauty's in the holder". That is the hook, of course, and is original, interesting and sings well.
The only other line which struck me a little awkward is:
"Though she teases When she pleases.."
But..I can't pin down exactly what bothers me about it.
Overall..VERY cool country tune here..
Ric Swanson "New kid on the block"
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Hi Ric, Thanks for your take on this one. You were right to question the "pleasing" line. I modified it, and it does seem to sound better.
I am not sure that I like this lyric much though. It just doesn't have any pazzazz! Ha!
Thanks! Ron
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Thurs. March 29, 2001
Hi Friends, For those that have read this one, you've watch me toss around some various ideas. Thanks Don Rowe! Ha! I think with both your ideas and other's, this one is almost ready for the stage! Ha!
Thanks! Ron
"Joker's Wild" Genre: Country Artist: Male (c)2001 Ron Boyte
v1 I'm sitting on a bar stool Sad music's playing low I'm thinking of Diana And how I love her so I glance across the dance floor And stare as she sits down A Cowboy rambles over He must be new in town
v2 He leads her to the dance floor Then swings her too and fro Diana's snagged a live one He pulls her in real close He's trapped but doesn't know it And thinks she's his to tame Some others point while laughing They've figured out her game
chorus Diana does things to me That shouldn't be allowed One minute my life is over The next she's full of smiles No laws have been broken Teasing's just her style The beauty's in the holding Of my Joker's Wild
v3 Sad music keeps on playing Warm whiskey goes down smooth I hear an Angel calling It's got to be the booze A tap upon my shoulder Diana's headed home Like a bolt from Heaven's sky She's back where she belongs
chorus Diana does things to me That shouldn't be allowed One minute my life is over The next she's full of smiles No laws have been broken Teasing's just her style The beauty's in the holding Of my Joker's Wild
bridge Diana holds all aces To play I play her way Though she teases When she pleases Her loving makes me stay
chorus Diana does things to me That shouldn't be allowed One minute my life is over The next she's full of smiles No laws have been broken Teasing's just her style The beauty's in the holding Of my Joker's Wild
tag No laws have been broken Teasing's just her style The beauty's in the holding Of my Joker's Wild
add The cards fold to the holder Of this Joker's Wild
Contact Information: Ron Boyte 20455 Cr 146 Tyler, Tx. 75703 Ph/Fax: (903) 894-5634 Email: RBoyte7293@aol.com All material is Copyright Protected! All Rights Reserved!
[This message has been edited by Ron Boyte (edited 03-29-2001).]
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This is kewl!! Good story!
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Ron, you devil! Wow! I like it! I like it! I'm not even going to hunt for a nit. This ought to get out on the radio immediately, no holes barred or no bars holed, whatever. I sang this all the way thru but of course I'm sure you heard me all the way over to there? eh? Say fellow get this one pitched, hurry, man! Anyway, can you tell I really like it?????? Congratulations on this write.
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Hi Sharon, Thank you for your kind remarks. This is based on one of the first lyrics that I had ever attempted.
Thanks! Ron
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Very nice job Ron; this might be my fav you've posted along with that religous one you posted; nice tight lyrics, good imagery, good flow and meter. Nice!
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Good job on this rewrite Ron...!!!!!!
Kaley
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H i Blake and Kaley!!
Thanks for the comments. I am glad you liked it!
Best to you both! Ron
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