10 members (couchgrouch, VNORTH2, Gary E. Andrews, bennash, Bill Draper, David Gill, Guy E. Trepanier, Gavin Sinclair, ckiphen, Sunset Poet),
2,881
guests, and
294
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325
Top 10 Poster
|
OP
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325 |
I Had My Affairs In Order
i had my affairs in order now she's got a lawyer it seems that she found i've been runnin' 'round
i had my affairs in order doin' what i shouldn't oughta i found you can't juggle hearts they wind up breakin' apart
i had Tonya on monday Susie on tuesday wednesday was for Maggie Mae thursday was Betty friday sweet Angie saturday Sally helped me spend my pay
But she had my sundays till monday came early now my sundays are spent thinkin' what a fool i've been
i had my affairs in order
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,072
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,072 |
Hi Mike,
I really like this one. What a great idea. I've got a couple of thoughs, that may help you take this to the next level.
First one is to use gal names that follow close alphabetic order. Example: Annie on Monday, Bonnie on Tuesday, Cindy on Wednesday, etc. The other idea is to match the first letter of the girls' names with the days of the week. Example: Mandy on Monday, Tammy on Tuesday, Wendy on Wednesday, etc. Just a couple of thoughts to make people think more, lol. Nice job buddy.
David
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325
Top 10 Poster
|
OP
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325 |
hey David,thanx for your time on this!The thought on those names crossed my mind,i just didn't go through with it,prob should.This one came real fast,i just actually threw some stuff together to go with the hook and then i thought i'd figure it out later with y'alls help.i appreciate ya!Mike
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 630
Top 500 Poster
|
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 630 |
Michael, What a great idea for a song. Good work. Dave
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 2,528
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 2,528 |
I have seen this same idea before on these forums. Coincidence, I know.
It's hard to write this without it looking like bull ssssstttt, cause it is by nature a devised plot
Especially if you heed the advice about the names and days of the week with the same letter.
Shreds the believability of it, cause that would never happen in a million years. Of course, it would matter how it was presented musically, and whether it was meant to be funny or serious
I think it would be better in present tense. Much more demanding of our attention if it's happening right now, as opposed to then.
"I have my affairs in order"
Also not sure coming right in with the chorus works, it would pull the listner in more to start right with the action, then summarizing in the chorus.
Just my 2, doesnt seem like it's done yet, but pretty cool start
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325
Top 10 Poster
|
OP
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325 |
no it's not done and prob will stay as is.It's just not hitting with me at all.And it's not a serious lyric for sure,i don't know anyone who would want to put themselves in that position,so to speak.I really don't know why i posted this one Bugsey.But i do jump the gun a lot.Thanx for your thoughts.Mike
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,710
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,710 |
Mike, real clever title hook and first verse. It could be a hit with funeral directors, estate lawyers and punsters. I got a smile outta it.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325
Top 10 Poster
|
OP
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325 |
thanx Dan!i need to hold some of these lyrics a bit longer and work em out before i post too soon.I'm glad it brought a smile however.Oh well,the hook made me do it.Mike
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,072
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,072 |
Hey again Mike,
I just wanted to leave another comment. I would think the very nature of the lyric, places it squarely in the realm of fiction. My thought on the names was meant to build on that. Does it work? Perhaps we could ask George Strait. In his song "All My Ex's Live In Texas", he rhymes the women's names with the different cities. Overkill? Maybe. Again, did it work? : ) Just a thought.
David
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
Good theme Mojo well thought through. Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 2,528
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 2,528 |
Might be more believable with George Strait singing it, and writing it knowing he would or somebody like that would be singing it.
I kinda was thinking about MIKE the artist and not Mike the writer for some artist, so it probably would come down to who covered it.
Fat, old, bald broke indie guy couldnt sing this. Unless all his exes were cattle!
No sweat mike, I always like to keep it real in a song, I actually wrote one like this before, clever and witty, for me it worked cause it was more self defacing.
No problem with posting a song just cause there's room!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,072
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,072 |
Mike the writer or artist, I still like this fictional lyric. I do certainly agree that you should post away. I love to read first thoughts. David
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 8,490
Top 20 Poster
|
Top 20 Poster
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 8,490 |
Hey Mike,
Very clever -- I can see it going the fun route!
Lisa
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325
Top 10 Poster
|
OP
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325 |
thanx for your time Travis!Mike
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325
Top 10 Poster
|
OP
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325 |
Well the ladies know me Bugsey,so it is beleivable,lol!I understand what you're saying.A lot of established artists get away with some not so good stuff just because they're up there already.yes,i will keep posting and everything won't be up to par.thank ya.Mike
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325
Top 10 Poster
|
OP
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325 |
hey,i appreciate ya David!Mike
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325
Top 10 Poster
|
OP
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325 |
thanx Lisa,yep,it is meant for fun.Mike
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 458
Top 500 Poster
|
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 458 |
what a write. good idea to call 'em affairs, cause the guy must have been a busy man, so organized and overtime working (I'm almost happy he's been stopped before some stress LOL) . good one!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 130
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 130 |
Good start with good choruses! If your going on with it. lets figure out some good lesd in verses to emphasize the hook and it's multiple meanings that can be teased out of it...Gus
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325
Top 10 Poster
|
OP
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325 |
thanx Max,one woman is hard enough to deal with,i couldn't imagine more.Thanx!Mike
Hey Gus,well this one was a late nighter scribblin' around,not even on the back burner,more in the pantry still.But i appreciate your time and thoughts on this one.I agree a little more power in the verses wouldn't hurt.Thanx.Mike
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
Forums117
Topics125,716
Posts1,160,948
Members21,470
|
Most Online37,523 Jan 25th, 2020
|
|
"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
There are no members with birthdays on this day. |
|
|
|