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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 435
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OP
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 435 |
Hey everyone. This is actually a song I wrote when I was probably 16 or 17, but my mom recently requested a live performance of it. After playing it, I decided it deserved some work and recorded a new version of it. If you dig far enough into the list of songs, you can find the original if you'd like to compare. I'd love some critique on this, I don't think this one is finished as is. Thanks in advance guys! Wildfire © Kyle S http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12879886 I’ve crossed the world so many times Met the world and his wife To try and get this feeling inside, look in my eyes Feel the fire ignite Does love excite you, does love blind you Does fill the heart inside you Does it make you stay up all night Thinking bout what it makes your heart feel like Chorus: Feel the burning inside your soul Is it taking you over? Can’t you tell it’s desire Spreading through your body like wildfire It’s taking over so fast I want this feeling to last Forever, I’ll surrender, to the wildfire People say that I’m a crazy fool Loving you as much as I really do But it aint no lie, it’s my time To show you that my love is true See I’d walk up to the heavens and I’d walk up to the moon Grab every star for a minute with you And I’d stand on the sidewalk for hours every day Singing my song till you come my way Chorus Repeat
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 4,199
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 4,199 |
I like it, Kyle. "met the world and his wife" seems a little out of place with the rest of the lyric, but it's probably your favorite line, lol. Maybe I'd remove "really" from V4, L2. Other than that, nice going
Bill
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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,171 Likes: 8
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,171 Likes: 8 |
Kyle,
You have such a great gift for phrasing,I always enjoy that about your songs and great hook. Really like this melody, hard to hear the guitar in this recording. Great stuff for a teenage write! I'm sure Mom is proud!
Tammy
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Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 2,528
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 2,528 |
Hi Kyle, not bad. It makes me wonder though what 16 year old has been around the world looking for love?
If I had my guitar handy I could figure out the right chord structure, id have to mess around with it for a bit, but it's not a bad write.
Might be too much on the fire igniting and all that, kind of cliche and overkill.
But an improvement has taken place from this to the other stuff, so thats a positive to take away.
Good Luck!
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 570
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 570 |
Kyle, I agree that the guitar was a bit hard to hear.
I think the lyrics are good as is. But the phrasing and note choice for the one word 'wild fire' seems weak, it kinda disappears instead of popping out for attention as the hook/title. Maybe if you try singing it as two separate words of equal strength without a rise or waver. (Even though I just love how you do that throughout the rest of the song. Just my opinion.
Great write.
Pam
Never think can't do - think how to
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,134 Likes: 10
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,134 Likes: 10 |
gahhh, soundclick...
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 435
Top 500 Poster
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OP
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 435 |
Bill, thanks for taking a listen. Since I wrote it so long ago, I really don't have any special connection to any particular line, so I'll definitely look into that one. It's been bothering me a little anyways. Thanks for the insight! Tammy, thanks! Still trying to figure out the recording set up. Back at school I have a second mic that I use specifically for the guitar, but here at home I just have one. I need to find the best way to position it to pick up vox and guitar at the same time. Thanks for the kind words Bugsey, I was a well traveled kid... I'm glad to hear I've improved since then. I'm still hoping I can get this one to a comparable level as some of my newer stuff, maybe it would involve going through and sophisticating the lyrics a little bit. Thanks for the listen my man Pam, thanks for taking a listen to this. Interesting point about the phrasing of wildfire in the song, I listened back a few times and heard what you were talking about. Making an adjustment to the phrasing would probably involve a bit of an adjustment to the melody as well, so I'll mess around with it and see what comes up. Thanks again, I'm glad you enjoyed it Kyle
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Joined: May 2013
Posts: 17
Casual Observer
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Casual Observer
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 17 |
Kyle, great song man!
Especially love the lyrics. My favorite part is the second part of the first verse where you are asking the listener questions. Very powerful as to hear as you're listening to a song.
Perhaps you could rephrase some of the lyrics in the second verse to be questions instead of statements? Maybe, maybe not, just a thought because I thought the first verse was powerful. Great job!
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Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,985
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,985 |
Kyle,
Your songs have such great rhythm. Which in certain songs or style is as important (or more so) than what the lyric "says". And not just the rhythm of the music - the rhythm of the words, too. I think that is the case here. With the right production, this would soar - as is. Even a simple loop-based backing could work. A simple drum pattern, a simple bass, some extra percussion. You should begin to investigate some type of backing software. You write super catchy stuff. Start learning to produce simple backing tracks for that now and in a couple of years, you will be bringing down the house. Start simple. Just drums and bass with your guitar playing - all you need... then slowly add new things. It might seem a daunting task at first - a lot to learn - but jump in - once you get going, it's easy. There are plenty of instructional videos on YouTube for whatever software choice you make... you won't regret it. Your songs deserve it...
floyd
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 435
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 435 |
jayhoward, thanks so much for taking a listen to this. Interesting thoughts about the questions asked in the first verse, I didn't realize they were so effective. I appreciate the kind words, thanks again
floyd, thanks for the comments man. I have a program for making drum beats/loops etc, but every time I use it, the loops just sound so... manufactured. It never sounds natural. Especially since the sound of the drum production is "studio quality" and my guitar/vox recordings are NOT, it always sounds a little off. Maybe it just takes more practice? I'd love to add more to my songs if it made sense.
Kyle
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985 Likes: 22
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985 Likes: 22 |
Kyle,
You have your vibe down, like Floyd said, it's time for you to learn producing and sound engineering--you have the rest of your life to write, but the sooner you can produce on the next level--this will get you where you want to go quicker. There are thousands on the next level, but millions where you are from a producing/recording level. You have talent, so take the next step! Enjoyed your song dude!
steady-eddie.
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