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Oh Blue Moon
By Jacqueline Richter
All rights reserved.


Walking together
Toes in the sand
Holding on to
Her delicate hand

The waves roll in
Then disappear
Kiss her the wind
Whispers in my ear

Oh Blue Moon
Your so beautiful tonight
Like a magician in the sky
You set the mood just right
Too bad you come only
once in a while
Wish you'd stay forever
Cause you sure know how
To make my pretty girl smile

Words of affection
Have to say them just so
The ring twinkles
in the blue moon's glow

Can't imagine a life
without you by my side
Nothing makes me happier
Than if you'd be my bride

Oh Blue Moon
Your so beautiful tonight
Like a magician in the sky
You set the mood just right
Too bad you come only
once in a while
Wish you'd stay forever
Cause you sure know how
To make my pretty girl smile

We lay in the sand
connecting star dots
Her head on my chest
in her favorite spot

Cause I sure know how
To make my pretty girl smile

http://www.reverbnation.com/jacquelinerichter

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Hi Jackie,

I think this is the first one of your lyrics I've read. First thought when I saw the title? Elvis Presley did a song with this exact title on his 1956 debut album. Your song is much different, and if it was anyone other than Elvis, I would probably say the title doesn't matter. I hate to say that may not be the case. I do like what you've got here, and can't help but wonder if you could change the title/hook a bit. Nice writing!

David

Jackie, I'm with David on the title/hook.

Even on this site, where I try to read a bit of everyone's efforts, the title is what determines which one I look at first. "Blue Moon" was already in my mind as the other melody and lyrics, distracting me from your excellent job of setting a time/scene/emotion.

'Oh, Blue Moon' or 'Oh my Blue Moon' might be all you need.

Pam

Just a couple nits for a really nice lyric Jackie,i also say add something to "Blue Moon" to make it different.And the line "kiss her in my ear" sound awkward to me,i had to read it over a couple times to get it,maybe reword that line.Good luck with it!Mike

Thanks David : ) I made a change.

Hi Pam
Thanks for the suggestion. : )
Jackie

Thanks Michael,
I switched things around. : )

Jackie

Hi Jackie,

it's amazing the difference one word can make. Nice suggestion from Pam. With this title I don't even associate it, with Elvis' "Blue Moon" rendition. Also nice catch by Michael, on that one line. This is really looking up! Congrats!

David

Hi J, nice wee song here, I like it, just as a suggestion I'd consider reworking the opening lines to make it flow better and avoid using Blue Moon until the chorus,

Walking under
The blue moon
Kiss her the wind
Whispers in my ear

Toes in the sand
Her delicate hand
The waves roll in
And disappear

something like

Walking together
Toes in the sand
Holding on to
Her delicate hand

The waves roll in
Then disappear
Kiss her the wind
Whispers in my ear

though I'd try and make (kiss her the wind) more conversational,
anyway just some food for thought, I often look over a lyric I've done and swap lines around,
all the best,john

Hi John,

Thank you for the suggestion. I agree. Made some changes.

Jackie

Hi Friends,

Having trouble with the chorus. Open to suggestions and input.

Thanks,
Jackie