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This one is extremely fresh. I was just wondering what you all thought about the idea if it would work. I might need to relate some things to Heaven or something. I don't really get to the hook til the end. All opinions accepted and appreciated.

Met Jesus In A Bar

VS:
I stumbled in like a tornado wind
Soaked to the bone with London gin
Still heated up like camp fire coals
Told him make it strong and nothing cold
He said I got just what you need
Goes down smooth you won't taste a thing

CH:
He set me up a couple rounds
like bullets shot I threw em down
before I could ask for another
He set em up, said I got you brother

VS:
He said so tell me what did she do
In a tone like he already knew
So I poured out my side of the story
Halfway through it all got blurry
I started to laugh said you know I can't recall
Just what it was that started this all

CH:
He set me up a couple rounds
like bullets shot I threw em down
before I could ask for another
He set em up, said I got you brother

VS:
He said well son we're about to close
So I asked him how much do I owe
He said man round here the water's free
Go on home love your family
I felt the thumping in my heart
For I know knew I just met Jesus in a bar

CH:
He set me DOWN a couple 'A JACKS
like bullets shot I knocked em BACK
before I could ask for another
He set em up, said YOU'RE COVERED brother

The reason I went with "jacks" (Daniels)
Is because the expressions "knocked 'em back" or "pounded 'em back" or "threw 'em back" are the ones in common useage.
Therefore, "Threw 'em down" doesn't have a universal appeal.

Needs a bridge to flesh out the meaning & story
and not just a two line bridge -- at least 4.

Cheers,
Terry

Thanks Terry I'll consider all that. I'm trying to keep the drink clear like water would be. I want the end of it to be where the bartender or Jesus was just serving him water and it sobers him up some. He's so drunk when he gets there he doesn't notice. You know at the point where your taste buds are numb and anything tastes good.

Ah, I see.

Then maybe the Bridge can make what you are trying to convey, clear.

If a song is too cryptic, not even a listener's imagination will be meaningful to them in ways you would like it to be.

That is very true Terry

Hi Brandon,

I used to think that a bridge had to be in the middle even though I wrote it into various positions in my lyrics. I was pleasantly surprised to find very successful songwriters saying it was fine to have a bridge anywhere that it was necessary or desirable according to the flow of the lyrical details and/or music.

It is an application of the songwriting adage:

"Did you change the commonly accepted "rules" because you didn't know any better, or because you needed to?"

In your case perhaps the bridge could follow or preceed the Out-Chorus.

"the water of life"
"I shall be as a well of water
springing up into everlasting life"

Cheers,
Terry

Hey Brandon
A nice write. I was a bit gutted that he was only drinking water though.

Cheers
Joe

The suggestion for a bridge is a good one. As far as words go, you already have the bridge. Use what is currently your last verse and follow with the chorus. You may have to tinker with the last verse as musically, your bridge should differ from your verses. So do whatever it takes to say what you're saying in your current last with the music you have in mind for the bridge. This should get you to an ABABCB song - which is the most common structure for hits.

Awesome idea Brandon!

Thoughts for a bridge


I said Jesus Christ what proof is this
Bartend said hundred percent clear
When you walk out you'll walk on water
We don't stone no one around here

Geneva

Hi bRANDON
Hell of a good write.I like the "Jacks" idea from Terry and also I go along with the bridge too.
Really good theme for a song!
Travis

VS:
I stumbled in like a tornado wind
Soaked to the bone with London gin
Still heated up like camp fire coals
Told him make it strong and nothing cold
He said I got just what you need
Goes down smooth you won't taste a thing

These are good lines. They set the scene and put me right in it.

Hi Brandon,

Great write! I, too, go along with Terry's Jack idea - I don't think it would interfere with the water idea, as I don't think it needs to be that literal!

Lisa