THERE'S A WRECK ON THE LINE

#1027564 - 10/26/13 06:05 PM THERE'S A WRECK ON THE LINE
Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 11,881 Travis david Top 10 Poster
Travis david Top 10 Poster Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 11,881 Kendal, Cumbria .UK	THERE'S A WRECK ON THE LINE He still calls my number after midnight says he can't sleep without a light Told him better get used to the dark pictured his face while he digested that remark I've got a wreck on the line,call 911 the weepin' and a wailin's just begun Like he's throwing his toys out of the crib he'd the best years of my life - now it's my turn to live Hey Man! Time you tried to move on! I've got a wreck on the line call 911 He's found out what it's like sittin' alone hopin' I'll be in when he needs to telephone After tryin' the rest endin' with second best took joy in sayin that to get it off my chest she ran out on him disappeared in the mist comes sulkin' back to me, when he's high on my butt kick list I've got a wreck on the line,call 911 the weepin' and a wailin's just begun Like he's throwing his toys out of the crib he'd the best years of my life - now it's my turn to live Hey Man!Time you tried to move on! I've got a wreck on the line call 911 Last edited by Travis david; 10/28/13 09:22 AM. We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde

#1027595 - 10/27/13 10:38 AM Re: THERE'S A WRECK ON THE LINE [Re: Travis david]
Joined: Sep 2009 Posts: 4,240 Roy Cooper
Roy Cooper Top 100 Poster Joined: Sep 2009 Posts: 4,240	very well written Travis. and clever as well... I do some single word change suggestions, KOS God Bless Roy and Helen He still calls my number AFTER midnight says he can't sleep without a light Told him better get used to the dark went kinda quiet WHILE he digested MY remark SEEMS I've got a wreck on the line, call 911 the weepin' and a wailin's just begun Can hear him throwing toys out of the crib He had the best years of my life - now it's time to live I'm Lookin' at my clock, well after one SEEMS, I've got a wreck on the line call 911 He's found out what it's like sittin' alone hopin' I'll be in when he needs to telephone After tryin' the rest endin' with second best took joy in sayin that to get it off my chest she ran out on him disappeared in the mist comes sulkin' back to me, when he's high on my butt kick list SEEMS I've got a wreck on the line, call 911 the weepin' and a wailin's just begun Can hear him throwing toys out of the crib He had the best years of my life - now it's time to live I'm Lookin' at my clock, well after one SEEMS, I've got a wreck on the line call 911 'You Have To Kiss A Lot Of Frogs To Find A Prince' Our Record Label Our Personal Website

#1027599 - 10/27/13 11:50 AM Re: THERE'S A WRECK ON THE LINE [Re: Roy Cooper]
Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 11,881 Travis david Top 10 Poster
Travis david Top 10 Poster Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 11,881 Kendal, Cumbria .UK	Hi Roy Thanks for your help and suggestions.I've used the first two in verse one. Thanks Travis We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde

#1027641 - 10/27/13 03:35 PM Re: THERE'S A WRECK ON THE LINE [Re: Travis david]
Joined: Jan 2006 Posts: 8,484 Lisa Gundling Top 20 Poster
Lisa Gundling Top 20 Poster Joined: Jan 2006 Posts: 8,484	Hey Travis, Good one -- hee, hee! A couple of things -- in verse one, it says he's gone quiet, but then it launches into the chorus, with there's a wreck on the line. At that point, he's quiet, so she wouldn't be calling 9-11 -- yet. Maybe some beter transition there? I really like the throwing toys out of the crib, but I wonder if, once it's sung, some people will take that too literally? I know you mean it metaphorically, but it does bring up the thought of whether they have kids, and whether the kids are with him. I don't know -- I think it pulls the listener out of the song a little. Also, I don't think knowing it's 1 a.m. adds to the story in the chorus. I thought maybe you could use the space to further describe his tantrum? Lisa

#1027651 - 10/27/13 05:59 PM Re: THERE'S A WRECK ON THE LINE [Re: Lisa Gundling]
Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 11,881 Travis david Top 10 Poster
Travis david Top 10 Poster Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 11,881 Kendal, Cumbria .UK	Thanks for your help Lisa.I've changed the last line of v1 and the one Am in the chorus.On the the "crib" line I've changed it to "like he's throwing his toys out of the crib" So hopefully it doesn't give the impression of literally doing so? Not sure if the chorus line works but the verse line seems too? Travis Last edited by Travis david; 10/28/13 07:40 AM. We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde

#1027707 - 10/28/13 07:36 AM Re: THERE'S A WRECK ON THE LINE [Re: Travis david]
Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 11,881 Travis david Top 10 Poster
Travis david Top 10 Poster Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 11,881 Kendal, Cumbria .UK	Done a little more on this to make it smoother Travis We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde

#1027746 - 10/28/13 04:46 PM Re: THERE'S A WRECK ON THE LINE [Re: Travis david]
Joined: Aug 2007 Posts: 4,893 Derek Hines
Derek Hines Top 100 Poster Joined: Aug 2007 Posts: 4,893 United States Oregon	Hey Travis, Looks like I made it after the changes, Either way I like it, it's a nice juxtaposed idea it brings to light how ones life can be as much a wreck emotionaly as any highway disaster we come upon. Very fun and intellectual write. Enjoyed it considerably. Derek aKa tHaT gUy All the worlds a song and all the people Singers http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346

#1027747 - 10/28/13 04:51 PM Re: THERE'S A WRECK ON THE LINE [Re: Derek Hines]
Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 11,881 Travis david Top 10 Poster
Travis david Top 10 Poster Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 11,881 Kendal, Cumbria .UK	Never been called intellectual before Derek lol quite the reverse at times specially by my wife. Pleased you liked this one.Thanks for the comments and visit Travis We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde

#1027749 - 10/28/13 04:53 PM Re: THERE'S A WRECK ON THE LINE [Re: Travis david]
Joined: Aug 2007 Posts: 4,893 Derek Hines
Derek Hines Top 100 Poster Joined: Aug 2007 Posts: 4,893 United States Oregon	Well I know that one as well, Though for me just like beauty Intellect is in the eye of the beholder. Capturing the picture as a song writer takes strong intellectual skills even if the words are blue collar the ideas may not be. This is certainly the case with this one. Good job! Derek aKa tHaT gUy All the worlds a song and all the people Singers http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346

#1027820 - 10/29/13 08:45 AM Re: THERE'S A WRECK ON THE LINE [Re: Derek Hines]
Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 11,881 Travis david Top 10 Poster
Travis david Top 10 Poster Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 11,881 Kendal, Cumbria .UK	Thanks once again Derek Travis We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde

#1027858 - 10/29/13 11:25 PM Re: THERE'S A WRECK ON THE LINE [Re: Travis david]
Joined: Mar 2009 Posts: 4,096 nightengale Top 100 Poster
nightengale Top 100 Poster Joined: Mar 2009 Posts: 4,096 Eugene, Or USA	Hi Travis, I really like this one, love the hook, it's awesome! I do have to admit, I was a bit confused on the first read or 2, I knew what you were saying, but almost read too much into it. It's much clearer now Great write! Geneva http://soundcloud.com/nightengalemusic http://www.reverbnation.com/nightengalemusic http://members.soundclick.com/nightengalemusic GENEVA Griffin Lyrics seeking singer/composer,cowriters,collaborators

#1027907 - 10/30/13 05:33 PM Re: THERE'S A WRECK ON THE LINE [Re: nightengale]
Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 11,881 Travis david Top 10 Poster
Travis david Top 10 Poster Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 11,881 Kendal, Cumbria .UK	Thanks for your comments Geneva pleased you liked this one Travis We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde

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