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Hard to give a review without seeing the lyrics, sounds like good production polish, but not understanding except Invincible.

Not my style but it so far SOUNDS good.

Lots of luck

Thanks for your comments, but I'm not inclined to post the lyrics for this song at this time. :0)

You're Invincible? LOL

I got take your best shot and invincible.

Hey it sounds current, like something the script might produce.

Did you write the music, lyric and produce it?

It sounds good, I know that much

I wrote the lyrics. Did it via a skype writing session with my co-writing partner in Australia. :-)

I am probably not your target audience for this song at all!

It is just not a style (teen-pop-dance) that I can listen to for very long. If I can hear that autotune effect right away, I sort of auto-tune it out (ha, ha). But I do know that autotune effect is popular (or is was a year or two ago),

"Hit me with your best shot, I'm locked and loaded????" Are these "teen" lyrics for this genre.

I think it might be hitting your intended target, but it doesn't do anything for me. Sorry about that, but I wanted you know that at least I tried and I hope you do find success with it.

Hey, Greg. I don't listen to dance music so I can't advise you at all about that. But it does seem to have a good beat. I only lyrics and without them printed I'll give you the best interpretation of what I could make out. Your hook is about breaking someone, but most of you verse lyric seemed to be about war and shooting. I don't see them as being related. I see breaking someone as mental or physical torture, one on one. That said, your audience probably couldn't give a crap, so if it works for you, go for it.:)

How would that work exactly. Somebody had the melody for
INVIN-CI-BLLLE,AH Alll-ah all

And you had to find a word that would fit that long phrase, or did they have that hook already?

I have written like this but with myself, not with someone else

Depend-ahh-bille-ahh aha ah elle

Respect-ibile-ahh ahh ahh ille

the Super Bowl-oh-oh-oh owl

Bugsey,

I can't quite determine if you're asking a legitimate question or if you're mocking me. Not that I mind. Mock all you want. My friend already had the hook and asked me to come up with the verses, pre-chorus, and bridge, so I did. Good luck with your work sir. :-)

Peace

Kevin,

It seems like people are "hitting me with their best shot" on this thread. lol :-D I say that because that's an example of what the line means. "Locked and Loaded" means being ready to retaliate/defend.

Thanks for giving it a listen and trying your best. :-) I appreciate it.

Bill,

Actually, the hook is about no one being able to break through one's defenses, so in that respect, the song does make sense in and of itself. Good try though! :-)

I think the main reason why I normally never post my songs here at JPF is because I am for the most part, a minority here, and the style of songs I write, is no one's cup of tea here. Maybe if I write some country or gospel songs, JPF public opinion will be a little bit easier on me. haha :-)

***Slumps back to the hole I crawled out of***

It is a shame that we don't have a more varied cross section of listeners here. The only reason I commented is that I wanted you to know I listened. If we had some folks that dabbled in this genre and new what was marketable and selling, I wouldn't have waded in. I do realize it is a bummer to work in a genre and posting here knowing that no one will really get it!

... and yes, I believe Bugsy was mocking you a bit.

No I wasnt mocking, just trying to learn a bit about your writing process, helps to learn other peoples too. It just seemed
a bit unlikely that you wrote INVINCIBLE, on paper and then they stretched it out like that. Which you answered that. Just trying it myself.

That is where it is always helpful to have a melody before writing a lyric.

I have written lyrics to pre existing melodies before, I have done it the same exact way by physically placing the pieces of the map together.

harder to write really solid lyrics this way, Bernie Taupin was able to do it. It becomes less about the subject matter and more about how it fits.

No mocking my friend. I have written my share of garbage so I wont mock anyone

Kevin,

No worries my friend. I do appreciate that you did chime in nonetheless. I respect your opinion and I'm glad you made an honest attempt with my song. :-) You're a good man.

Bugsey,

I detect a hint of sarcasm in your response. I don't have just one writing process and I'm not really gonna humor you by describing every single one of them. Whatever works for you, by all means, do what works for you.

I assure you, that even if you consider my song garbage, I myself, do not, and at the end of day, that is really what matters, right?

Have a good day/night, sir.

Really cool tune Gregory. Sounds pretty pro to me.

The only thing that bugged me in the slightest was the loudness of the kick drum in the chorus. It's kind of overpowering but it'd be a pretty easy mixing fix. It only needs to be mixed back a hair IMO and it'd still give the drive you want w/o being distracting.

But this is really top notch. The lyrics 'sound' great with all the internal rhymes. Best of luck with it.

Peace,

Ian

Thanks Ian. I'll give the engineer a heads up and see if he will fix the problem. Glad you enjoyed the song. :-)

Well, so far I'm loving it...I'm mostly country, but when I was younger I could see me dancing to this with my friends when we used to go out....and loving it...


I'd also like to see the lyrics but what I could make out was really great stuff...

glyn

Seems whatever word I use you take it as an insult.

Just said I have written garbage so I wpuldnt insult anyone. if it came across thats yours was garbage my appologies.

I will say you annoyed me when you claimed you didnt know where I was going with my song, and said nothing else about it, which people who do their own stuff spend hours of their time doing, when you didnt even provide lyrics to your own song, and which seems like a hard to understand song as well, but sounded good. Thats not an exemption.

However I got over that part quickly, and did not say or means your song was garbage. Wasnt being sarcastic.

It sounds like a song that is effective at doing what it should, its not a bad song.

In reality no song is bad, I may say it about my own, but really a song is somebody elses unique work, to call it garbage is not right, unless the song is called garbage.

I could hear your song on the radio, my personal tastes would not flip over it, but that can be said about millions of songs.

Why dont we forget I said anything, tired out over it now. lol

Cool dance tune. Reminds me of something my kids in their 20s might listen to. My only nit is that I couldn't understand some of the words and without printed lyrics to follow along with I was somewhat lost at points. But with a pop song like this no one would probably care.

Stevie

Hey Greg, really good tune! Nice to hear some electronic pop here on the boards. I can definitely hear this playing on the radio and I wish you the best of luck with your song. I think it could be a big hit.

Bugsey,

Gotcha. My apologies as well. Sometimes words typed on a message forum can often be misconstrued and misinterpreted, so I will retract what I said and simply say thank you to ya. :-) You're right, I should have offered you more than a simple, "I don't get it." After going back to your song and giving it more than a quick glance, I finally did "get it". :-) Keep up the good work.

Glynda and Stevie,

I'm glad you guys enjoyed it. I'm hesitant to post lyrics for the song as it is a demo and I'd prefer not to post them because I am actively shopping the song and don't want the song to come up under any search engine results if those I'm shopping to happen to search for the lyrics online, which has been done in the past, so I'm weary of doing such.

Cecilee,

Thanks! :-) I'm hoping, if executed properly, under the right circumstances, that this song could be a big hit too. Writing/producing the song is just part of the battle. In order for a song to reach its full potential, a lot of other factors come into play and if everything aligns properly, who knows? Maybe it'll be on Top 40 radio someday. We shall see. Not holding my breath.

Gregory....

This style cannot get the same kind of critique a country tune would get...

I do Country & Christian....I am comfortable in my style & sound. I also kinda' know, what works and doesn't work in my Genres...To crit this would do you a disservice.

But I do try to stay in touch other Genres & with current trends in my own styles and others as well.........

This is good, but is it the best it could be ??? Only you can answer that...To my ears it has the current quality one would look for...Can it break through ? Why not......

I cannot begin to tell you if this is up to par with the Competition in your Genre......I have my immediate thoughts, but they are simply opinions from one not in your Genre.

My best bet is to put it on for my 3 daughters & their friends..I'll know pretty quick where it really stands....

Please the audience first & the writers second, that's kinda where I'm at...I love my fellow writers, but I do not write for them...

See, We as writers fret over every line, syllable, phrasing....
The audience just wants to hear something the can connect with & call their own.

Well said, Steve. :-)

Steve,

I'm sitting here listening to YOUR work. :-) I love your voice. I enjoy your songs. I'm now a fan of yours. I do write country lyrics as well as all the pop stuff I (guilty pleasure) love writing.

I'd like to talk to you further.

Greg

Hi Greg,

This is one of the target audiences I write for myself...
Sonically everything is in place and like Ian noted it Sounds Top Notch.

I agree 100% with that.
The issue for me is that I feel that it sounds like a mix of two Top Songs that I've heard this year on the Radio.

I am not familiar enough with the two groups/artists to know them by name or even the Song titles but this is where I think you will run into resistance with it...

A lot of us have trouble figuring out what the Market is looking for and we tend to write what is on Radio 'Now' but you see the problem with that is by the time it even gets to Radio the 'Audience' if you will has already moved on to another Song and Style and your Song will be viewed as 'Behind' the times if that makes sense...

It's very clear to me that you and your Co-writer know what you are doing and know how to shape a Song to Sound like a possible Hit, I think you guys did a fantastic Job:)

However, if you are able to take those skills and instincts and write something that 'Fits' the Format but is also a bit different than what is already out there, then you will boost the chance of having a solid shot at a Cut...
These are just my thoughts, I hope they help a bit.
All the best to you guys:)-Dana

Hey Dayson,

Thank you for your input. I'd be interested in learning what two Top Songs this song reminds you of, if you're ever able to figure that out. :-) You might be right. I may or may not run into resistance, but I'll never know until I try. We can always take the song and reproduce it with a different dynamic, sonically, so that's always an option.

Truthfully, I don't listen to the radio much. I do pay attention to the charts though and I write to brief from time to time, based on what sound is being asked for on a particular record an artist is working on or putting together. This song on the other hand, was not written to brief. My friend had a hook idea and hit me up, asking me to complete the song with him. So, I did.

I'm glad you did enjoy the song. :-) We just enjoy doing what we love and love what we do.

Hey Greg,

Thanks for being open to my input:)

One of the Group just came to mind it's Swedish Mafia Don't Worry Chile' the other one
I don't recall(sorry) After listening to that Song, it's not as similar as I first believed but the feel of yours reminded me strongly of them:) So you are right in the Pocket of what's going on now...

I'm curious as to what Artist you might have in mind to cut this on? Do you have any thoughts on that? Thanks-Dana

Greg and Bugsy,

I haven't heard it yet, but I am very impressed that Bugsy nailed that you were having to write to an existing chorus and it makes some of the other comments really valid. I understand your market well Greg, but sometimes outsiders notice glaring issues that those deeply involved with serious expertise (and folks, Greg has total credibility in this genre) can't see to save their lives. You even thought he might be mocking you, but when I read his post that didn't occur to me.

So.. I will go listen, but there are some dead on comments here that you may want to mull over a little.

Brian

Okay.. heard it....

hmmm.... where do I start. Either the vocalist needs to get his butt back in the booth and learn to enunciate the words for an American English listening audience OR you need to get back to the writing room and write lines he can enunciate so there's some hope of understanding them. The worst, for me, was the first two lines of the chorus which I believe was one line repeated (someone above may have figured it out, but so what.. I am telling you it is an AWFUL performance throughout of the lyrics. I suspect your war metaphors (which were fairly predictable) worked fine since no one is going to care in a club anyway. The way the Chorus is sung, no one will be singing along with it and so you're left with a predictable melody, predictable war metaphors (which really seem misplaced in a break up song, but whatever) a slick production without anything interesting happening which would cause you to remember anything about the mush you are hearing. Other than that, it's great.

Perhaps I was harsh, but come on Greg, you're a pro, you can do better. Challenge yourself, don't just do the easiest most predictable thing. It was like watching a lame TV Cop show with a plot that had been recycled a thousand other times. I realize your contribution is to create verses for a supplied hook line, track and singer, but this at best would be a marginal throw away track on an album if it made it on it. The singer COULD be good, but damn, he needs a producer to pay attention to his performance and give some feedback to fix the miserable enunciation. In the end, the lyrics don't matter if you have a great track (this was serviceable and generic, but slickly done nonetheless) which this does not, and a sing-a-long worthy chorus while you're grinding on the dancefloor... this doesn't cut it... the war metaphor doesn't lend itself to a hot and sexy song, if you look at the song your borrowed from lyrically, Hit Me With Your Best Shot, you'll see the lines are sexy and walk that line nicely (so I put another notch in my lipstick case...etc...)

Look, you know this business... I don't think you need to rise to the level of country lyrics, it's a pop/dance track. But right now, though you've done yeoman's work on this, the track, vocal performance and chorus do you in before you even added your part which is at least coherent.

I suggest back to the drawing board... and please work with that singer more.. geesh...

Brian

I'm going to spend some time re-reading through everyone's comments and pick out the stuff I should seriously give some consideration to, in order to improve the song and make it better than it is.

I too was impressed with Bugsey's insight when he asked me if I had written to an existing hook.

I wanted honest feedback before I decided to shop this song, so I'm glad that's exactly what I got from everyone here. :-)

Back to the drawing board it is....hehe

Also, Brian. Thanks for your input. I'll for sure suggest to my co-writer/producer on this song to remind the vocalist that I'm shopping this song for an American market base and the pronunciation of the lyrics need to be spot on. I listened back and I see what you're saying, which validates what everyone else on this thread already said as well. If the singer articulates the lyrics well, then the audience won't be asking, "What is he saying in the song," and a lyric sheet isn't absolutely needed in order to decipher a song.

Thanks everyone once again for your feedback.

I'm going to spend some time re-reading through everyone's comments and pick out the stuff I should seriously give some consideration to, in order to improve the song and make it better than it is.

I too was impressed with Bugsey's insight when he asked me if I had written to an existing hook.

I wanted honest feedback before I decided to shop this song, so I'm glad that's exactly what I got from everyone here. :-)

Back to the drawing board it is....hehe

Also, Brian. Thanks for your input. I'll for sure suggest to my co-writer/producer on this song to remind the vocalist that I'm shopping this song for an American market base and the pronunciation of the lyrics need to be spot on. I listened back and I see what you're saying, which validates what everyone else on this thread already said as well. If the singer articulates the lyrics well, then the audience won't be asking, "What is he saying in the song," and a lyric sheet isn't absolutely needed in order to decipher a song.

Thanks everyone once again for your feedback.

Frankly, I am appalled by the responses. If I recall, we were asked to listen and give an opinion. And in my opinion, this song (writer/producer/lyricist...) has their pulse on TODAY'S music and, as is, would make a considerable impact on the pop charts. I am not sure we JPF peeps are used to hearing something so polished and "radio ready." And since it is geared towards the youth, it would rarely be anyone's "cup o tea" on THIS site. That being said (and keeping my personal tastes at bay) this song is one or two tweaks away from being an undeniable "hit" in many, many musical circles today.

Over half of todays top 50 pop hits have this signature.

Get this out there, find the right people and enjoy the ride.....I'll say what we here are not likely to say, and it's a first for me......You have a hit song, Greg.....NOW PROMOTE IT!

Good luck and great job!!!

bluesriff

Thanks all for the support. I actually thought some reviews were harsher than mine. But glad they were accepted the way they were intended.

Yeah I thought some were harsher than mine actually. Saying things like "This is the kind of song that makes me bang my head against the wall", is not a critique, alot of people like banging their head against the wall.

I think all did give their opinions, but more generic opinions.

If you ask a songwriter for an opinion, the basic elements of songwriting are going to play into it, if you ask a teenager, they are going to listen and either like it or not, maybe thats how it should be, but songwriters talk about songwriting.

Some songs like this are more like making a product, all songs are products, but some more than others

Agreed,

It's hard to say what all goes into a "critique"...Certainly we are all (most of us) here to share, learn,...but above all, we want to be recognized for what, if any, talent we may possess and hopefully connect with that special song (or connect with that special person) that will, hopefully take us and our music to the next level.
It sounds to me that Greg is where most of wish we were....not necessarily in that genre, but perhaps production wise, sonically, lyrically......
To me the most difficult task as an amateur singer/songwriter is connecting the right words to the right sound/rhythm/mood. Then creating a sonically and lyrically related bridge (hook) to connect them.
This song has that and then some. It could have a musically global impact, it's that in tune with today's youth, immaculately produced and performed.
I haven't read the lyrics..but does it matter, now?
He could sing it in Gibberish and still have commercial success with this.

mike

I loved this song and your voice is amazing.I could easily imagine listening to this song on the radio. I personally though think that i would have kept this song extremely simple and acoustic as your lyrics get drowned by the disco type beat and you have such a lovely pure voice that i would love to hear this stripped back so that you can appreciate the lyrics.Good luck.

I've taken into account everyone's thoughts/opinions and I'll be mindful of what I post in the future, if I post anything else at all. In a room full of songwriters, it is our nature to nit pick everything in stuff we hear, because we all have our own interpretations of what we would have done to make that song better, in our perspectives.

Absolutely nothing wrong with that. It's part of human nature. I also take into mind that preferences are what they are and a clown would definitely stand out like a sore thumb at a super bowl party. A cheerleader might fit right in, but clown's belong at the circus, unless you're a Stephen King creation, at which point, my advice to anyone faced with that clown would be to, RUN!!!! lol

I don't begrudge anyone's opinions and if it's taught me one thing, it's to be more open minded and more receptive to criticism, good or bad. That being said, thank you for your compliments. :-) I think you're right. With a couple tweaks here and there, the song should be pitch ready. The producer of the song hit me up this morning and let me know he's working on a new mix and that his team is feeling the song and ready to send over some of their contacts. So, we shall see how things go.

Maybe the right people will like it and pick it up. Maybe the right people will hear it and pass on it. Either scenario is possible, but all it takes is one yes before a song has the chance to hit the charts and top it.

It's just one song. Time to go right many more!

Greg

I wish I could take the credit for the vocals, but I'm not a singer. We brought in a demo singer to track the vocals on our song.

There's several different variations that the song could go in, sonically. I suggested to the producer if maybe we could try and rock the song up a bit and see how that sounds.

Nevertheless, thank you for taking a listen to the song. I'm happy you enjoyed it. :-)

Greg

Greg, I too write country so this isn't up my alley but I bet my Granddaughter would like it!! I like a good beat no matter the genre and this one definitely has that!!! :)))) Scotty

Hey Greg,

Yeah, all sounding pretty good. I'm hearing a lack of punch in the chorus, and that's probably because of the lack of counter beat. I know it's commonly done, but even a hi-hat on the 2-4's will really get it moving along.

There's some cool layering, and plenty to play with mix wise ( probably a little too much ) but that's half the fun in working on the musical arrangement.

Where to you think it is destined for ? At the moment I'm hearing European clubs, but that could easily change, simply with a different beat.

Good luck with it.

cheers, niteshift

PS -only standout nit for me is the snare, which needs to be compressed and higher in the mix.

Hi Greg,

I enjoyed your song. Liked the lyrics - very current sounding.

Josie

Wow, I've missed a lot of action here Greg!

I usually comment without reading others comments first to avoid being influenced, but there was so much interesting dialog here, I couldn't resist being a "rubber-necker" first!

"OPINION" This is a key word, separating "opinion" and constructive criticism is a fine line, and I like how you said that you would carefully digest all that has been said--some I agree with, and some not much. I do think you just need "polish" not reconstruction.

Now I'm going to talk about what I think is important--you have a superb melody that pulls you into the song and keeps your interest--to me that is the foundation of a good song. Some dance tunes totally rely on a strong beat with dramatized guitar riffs--you are much, much more than that here.

I really like the vocalists tonal quality, can he improve a few places?--sure, a few tweaks can fix that.

I agree with Nitshift with his remarks about the mix--he always has a good ear. I also think the compression with the kick drum is releasing too slowly like jello--it's not too loud for this music, just needs "tightened up" a bit--IMO, again that word OPINION. In the end it is your "art," follow your instincts and other's opinions that you feel right to YOU!

I write several different genre's of music myself and enjoy those differences. Please do not stop posting here, we need more of your type music to give our site a more comprehensive refection of music--just be careful about "knee-jerk" reactions, ehh?

Great song, I truly enjoyed it for it's place! Well produced IMO.

steady-eddie.

I listened to this song and immediately thought : this is really good! It sounds like it is on the radio right now. I read some of the comments here and disagree with some if not most of them. I oont think the lyric is important at all in this type of song. People just want to have a good time nod sing woooohhh all night long. And I think that's pretty awesome!

Doug