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#1014121 - 07/04/13 08:28 PM two horse town  
Joined: Mar 2009
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maccharles Offline
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maccharles  Offline
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song a week #36....of 52.

once again, I had no clue what to write about this week. I live in a semi-rural setting, it's a holiday/weekend destination and gets a lot of touristy types with money.....the general feeling here is "come and visit, but don't stay".......that triggered this number.

https://soundcloud.com/mac-charles/two-horse-town

<two horse town>

she tried passing through here,
but her mercedes broke down-
I found her on highway 90, ten miles from town-

no smile, no thank you,
when she looked down her nose-
dirt under my nails, long day's work on my clothes-


it's written all over her face,
we all must know our place,
and my place is a two horse town-


she's never heard waylon jennings,
don't like john cash,
don't think it's a choice when people work with

their hands-

she talks about money,
and the locks on her door-
I smile and nod my head, I'm not listening anymore-


I shift into second gear,
and pray she doesn't like it here,
'cuz I love my two horse town-


(solo)


she offered me fifty bucks,
thank you would have been enough,
in a two horse town-



Last edited by maccharles; 07/04/13 08:29 PM.
#1014131 - 07/04/13 11:05 PM Re: two horse town [Re: maccharles]  
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Michael LeBlanc Offline
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man,this is awesome Mac!Mike

#1014154 - 07/05/13 02:16 AM Re: two horse town [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
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Richard Scott Offline
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Richard Scott  Offline
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bossier city, LA. USA
Mac, this melody is really, really good but I find the chorus' lacking a little, it being a country song and all. You repeat the hook line but I think you could say a little more to drive the point home? Here's what popped in my head for the first one, since it evolves, the other two would have to be altered too?

It's written all over her face
Yeah, you'd better know your place
Cause I ain't messing around
With no boy... from a two horse town

Enjoyed it dude!! :)))) Scotty

#1014159 - 07/05/13 02:41 AM Re: two horse town [Re: maccharles]  
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"Tampa Stan" Good (D) Offline
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"Tampa Stan" Good (D)  Offline
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Tampa, Florida since 1973
Wonderful 'Tude, Believable Plotline, Killer Hook, GREAT Singin' & Pickin'...

Lemmie listen AGAIN, 'cuz if I ever heard a Hit-Worthy Song, this one is IT!!!

Congrats, Mac, & Thanks for Sharin'!!!

Best Wishes & a Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

#1014160 - 07/05/13 02:43 AM Re: two horse town [Re: Richard Scott]  
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puttogether Offline
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This song's groove carries the song. The lyrics, melody, & structure are great, but that almost-dirty groove has a lot of interesting movement between the acoustic guitars and the electric refrains (and the vocals on the choruses).

Nice solo too...the outro solo is my favorite


First foray into electronic-backed music. Would love to hear some thoughts on this song:
https://soundcloud.com/puttogether/batten-down
#1014228 - 07/05/13 03:11 PM Re: two horse town [Re: puttogether]  
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maccharles Offline
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Michael,

thank you for the kind review.

Scotty,

believe it or not, that was the slant originally, but I decided to ditch any "romantic" edge and just go with a "where I'm from" vibe. thanks for the kudos.

Stan,

hit song eh?....I won't look a gift horse in the mouth, as my mother used to say....thank you.

puttogether,

thanks for the review, welcome to jpf.

#1014231 - 07/05/13 03:18 PM Re: two horse town [Re: maccharles]  
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Travis david Online content
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Hi Mac
Incredible vocal and really good all round song, enjoyed the listen
Best of luck with it
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1014246 - 07/05/13 06:00 PM Re: two horse town [Re: Travis david]  
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avweek Offline
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Dallas
Really good vocals on this one man! I too thought that the chorus was a little lacking, though I couldn't really pinpoint what I would do to make it better.. I think I was expecting a little more of a lift with it, and maybe there wasn't as much change as I would have liked to hear. Regardless, a really well put together song, thoroughly enjoyed the listen!

Kyle

#1014255 - 07/05/13 06:33 PM Re: two horse town [Re: maccharles]  
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Kurt Fortmeyer Offline
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Kurt Fortmeyer  Offline
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Tennessee
Originally Posted by maccharles
song a week #36....of 52.

once again, I had no clue what to write about this week. I live in a semi-rural setting, it's a holiday/weekend destination and gets a lot of touristy types with money.....the general feeling here is "come and visit, but don't stay".......that triggered this number.

https://soundcloud.com/mac-charles/two-horse-town

<two horse town>

she tried passing through here,
but her mercedes broke down-
I found her on highway 90, ten miles from town-

no smile, no thank you,
when she looked down her nose-
dirt under my nails, long day's work on my clothes-


it's written all over her face,
we all must know our place,
and my place is a two horse town-


she's never heard waylon jennings,
don't like john cash,
don't think it's a choice when people work with

their hands-

she talks about money,
and the locks on her door-
I smile and nod my head, I'm not listening anymore-


I shift into second gear,
and pray she doesn't like it here,
'cuz I love my two horse town-


(solo)


she offered me fifty bucks,
thank you would have been enough,
in a two horse town-




I like the way this sounds. The vocals, the music, and the production are all spot-on, however...
I don't think the song is written to the hook at all. There is nothing about the lyric that says "two horse town". Your hook could be "tiny town", "country town", or "my hometown", and it would still work. If you're going to use a clever phrase like "two horse town" (instead of "one horse town"), you need to back it up with some clever writing. Why is it a "two horse town"? What differentiates it?
I have heard another song with this same hook (no biggie...lots of songs use the same hooks) but the writer had the singer living in a one horse town bemoaning the fact that his woman had left him for a guy in a two horse town. He gave the song a reason to be called "Two Horse Town" other than just a writer's whim. That's what I find lacking here...a reason to call this song "Two Horse Town".
Everything else about it gets thumbs-ups from me.


I love words. They say so much.

http://kurtfortmeyer.com
#1014264 - 07/05/13 07:00 PM Re: two horse town [Re: Kurt Fortmeyer]  
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Vicarn Offline
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UK
Hullo Mac.
I like this a lot, production and vocal wise. There's also a lot of hooky lines in it, but I am also wondering why "a two horse town".
Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

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http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1014306 - 07/06/13 01:15 AM Re: two horse town [Re: Vicarn]  
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maccharles Offline
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travis,

glad you like it, thanks for the kind words.

kyle,

thanks for the review, yeah...the chorus is a bit odd in relation....just came out that way.

kurt,

two horse town was the first thing I had lyrically, and having only two to four days to fully flesh these songs out.....sometimes I have to abandon it because my time ran out. the meaning was double....yes, his town is small from her point of view....but.......not so small as to be a one horse town......that's it. thanks for the review.

vic,

thanks for the spin/review....see above for "two horse town" explanation.

#1014544 - 07/07/13 03:58 PM Re: two horse town [Re: maccharles]  
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B K Williamson Offline
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Louisville, KY
Hey Mac,

Sounds absolutely Top Shelf!! I wouldn't change a thing!!

Best Days,
Bryan

#1014554 - 07/07/13 04:55 PM Re: two horse town [Re: B K Williamson]  
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,515
E Swartz Online content
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Ohio
Hi Mac,

I really like the Crosby/Stills vibe here. Here's my take on the relationship with your song title and lyrics--I like it and here is why. I just recently was looking at another song posted that was a more detailed "story" with beginning/middle/ending where IMO better composition was needed etc. The total opposite of your style here. Certain ballads or story songs need to relate very directly to their song title theme.

I think this song is less detailed and more "expressionistic" which throws you a pieces of information which allows each to visualize their own story to a degree. Like "painting art," you have Realism, Expressionism, Impressionism, and Abstract art to name several. If the painting is detailed with a barn, cows, chickens, a boy petting a dog, hills and sky in the background painted realistically--it's Realism. Your song is sketchy with few exact details, like an Expressionistic painting. This is very cool, because it's easy to visualize our own scenario--almost as if we are "reading between the lines."

I love how you start the song with that line, "She tried passing through here." It reminds me of the C-Stills-N-Y song that starts out, "Almost cut my hair." Cool writing that captures your attention immediately. IMO, I think your title is perfect for the style/mood of lyrics and mood of the music, because it's a cool "Expression," that makes you to think, what does this really mean?

If there was one thing that I think might be cool to insert "message-wise" within the lyrics, it might be that even though she appears to be a spoiled rich ____, it might be cool to mention that she's "hot" and knows it, to perhaps fuel a dilemma with his true feelings.

I really liked this a lot--nice production and performance!

steady-eddie.


#1014572 - 07/07/13 08:10 PM Re: two horse town [Re: E Swartz]  
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Wendy D Offline
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Atlanta, GA USA
I like the idea of a "two-horse" town being the hook idea but agree with Kurt that lyric-wise your hook idea could be emphasized more. I also understand that you are writing on a schedule and and this made it harder to flesh-out the scenario. The music/melody is well crafted and production is great. It has a cool vibe.


http://www.reverbnation.com/wendydumond

https://soundcloud.com/#mamby-p

http://www.reverbnation.com/donsechelski

Link for Blackfoot Daisy band


You think I'm just another jive folk singer but I'm a master in the art of criminology..Tom Russell
#1014582 - 07/07/13 08:43 PM Re: two horse town [Re: maccharles]  
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Hickory, North Carolina USA
don't think it's a choice when people work with

their hands-


Excellent line there, Mac. My only nit is the two horse town. I Know it's a parody of the term One horse town but there's nothing else in there to set up the punch line. Other than that it's a really enjoyable song with some good lines in there.

Stevie

#1014617 - 07/07/13 11:16 PM Re: two horse town [Re: Little_stevie_b]  
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maccharles Offline
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bryan,

thank you, if I DO change anything...it'll be after another 17 or so weeks. smile

eddie,

I have to say, your reviews are probably some of the most thoughtful and well done I've seen, I should know....I'm horrible at it.....thank you.

wendy,

I see the chorus hook is hit or miss here, I've moved on to this week's song and won't get back to these for quite some time, but all suggestions are noted in a folder with the songs for later review......thank you for listening.

stevie,

thanks for the spin and the review, another vote for more to the chorus hook. smile

#1014621 - 07/07/13 11:57 PM Re: two horse town [Re: maccharles]  
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Chris B. Offline
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Annapolis, MD
I have been listening to your weekly offerings and trying to pin your sound. The best way I can describe it is this. Back when I was young, dumb buck in my twenties, I caught the eye and promptly fell under the spell of a woman 15 years my elder. I was so far out of my league I didn't even know what sport I was playing. One night back at her place she put on a Jude album, the song I still remember to this day was "You Mama You." You have a little bit of a Jude style to you, but more than that, I see your music branding memories on those lucky enough to be listening at the right time. It has nothing to do with hooks or riffs or production. It's about the stuff you can't put into words, and brother, you've got pocketfuls of it.



73's & 88's Good Buddy!
Chris Bohlman
#1014692 - 07/08/13 12:19 PM Re: two horse town [Re: Chris B.]  
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maccharles Offline
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Chris,

interesting way of putting it, honestly....that's the way music fits into my life.....it connects me to moments and such.....the music I listen to anyway. When writing, it's diffferent in a way. This is exactly what we all strive to do, I guess......to hopefully write the soundtracks for life.

thank you, one of the coolest reviews I've ever recieved.

#1015503 - 07/14/13 12:22 AM Re: two horse town [Re: maccharles]  
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TamsNumber4 Offline
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New Hampshire
Mac,

Love the melody.

This song would work for me if you considered that the lady is more irritated with YOU rather than the town, she never disses the town, she disses you.

I would almost like to see you change the hook to something else and then write the chorus to fit that, the verse is great. The first two lines melodically in the chorus are great, but sound more prechorus, I would use them as a kick off to a flyin chorus.

this is just a two minute idea, not trying to upset you, just tought it would show another direction??


dyed hair and designer clothes won't make me change my mind
she packs her bags to vacation here every summertime
a personal trainer shaped her body, but it won't bring me around
I can't wait to see her drive.... right out of my town



I am sure this won't appeal to you in any way, but I did it to maybe give you a new perspective or understand what I was getting at...I know what your original intent was in writing the song, but I wonder if by coming at it with the woman, that you didn't find a cool story to expand upon?? it's just my opinion, but I really like the song and hope you will revisit it someday.

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1015603 - 07/14/13 11:21 PM Re: two horse town [Re: TamsNumber4]  
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maccharles Offline
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Tammy,

It WILL be revisited, as with all these tunes.

thanks for the review.

#1015606 - 07/14/13 11:39 PM Re: two horse town [Re: maccharles]  
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bobbyearlray Offline
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song a week man, you have set the bar for each of us to jump over. you do top quality work, and really have shown me what a determined, talented person could do... my hat is off to you my brother.......

#1015611 - 07/15/13 12:51 AM Re: two horse town [Re: bobbyearlray]  
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maccharles Offline
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Bobby,

Thank you, sir. I would hope (if nothing else) that it would show that one can do it, if they put their mind to it.

#1015635 - 07/15/13 03:44 AM Re: two horse town [Re: maccharles]  
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Bobby Wayne Offline
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I personally loved the emphasis on "Two Horse Town" and found it to be an innovative spin on the usual cliche. In my book that's just good songwriting. I love the feel and tempo of this song and wouldn't do much more than perhaps some minor polishing. Nicely done.

#1015702 - 07/15/13 09:48 PM Re: two horse town [Re: Bobby Wayne]  
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maccharles Offline
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Bobby Wayne,

thanks for the review, sir.

#1015706 - 07/15/13 10:09 PM Re: two horse town [Re: maccharles]  
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Bugsey Offline
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Bugsey  Offline
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I think the production and performance/recording are picking this one up to a higher level.

Althought the tendency isto want to make everything a commercial hit structured song. Artists write many types of songs, this seems more like a B side, might work in a movie or TV

This sounds a lot like a Tom Petty beat.

I dont know If I changed anything cause it's an artists song all the way.

Enjoyed the listen

#1015727 - 07/16/13 01:07 AM Re: two horse town [Re: Bugsey]  
Joined: Mar 2009
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maccharles Offline
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maccharles  Offline
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Bugsey,

thanks for the review.

#1015730 - 07/16/13 02:22 AM Re: two horse town [Re: maccharles]  
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Mackie H. Offline
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Mackie H.  Offline
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NASHVILLE, TN
Mac--

Could be a great song with some honing--

Scotty mentioned the CH--Well (JMHO) I agree the CH needs a little extra gitty-up-and -go (some snare rim shots light double time, maybe--shifting gears)

and another line in the CH, maybe:
ch1
it's written all over her face,
she’s used to puttin’ folks down
we all must know our place,
and my place is a HALF horse town-

ch2
I shift into second gear,
and hear the hi-pich sound
and pray she doesn't like it here,
'cuz I love my HALF horse town-

The music is great--could be a hit!

Write on!

Mackie

#1015744 - 07/16/13 04:38 AM Re: two horse town [Re: Mackie H.]  
Joined: Sep 2007
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Steve Altonian Online content
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Steve Altonian  Online Content
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Mac....

I think you are really onto something with this one.....Production is excellent, Melody is there. This tune potentially is unique enough to stand out from the crowd.

I do hear a really good to great song here....But that depends on if you develop the CHORUS & if you write to your HOOK...You got some solid advice on this already. Two-Horse Town is a great TITLE, that with more development on the HOOK it would be a great song...

It probably goes against your mission & purpose in life for this year, but.....

The one suggestion I will give to you is this....At week #36 maybe this is one to not put a timeline on. I personally wouldn't move to my next tune until I developed this one. Because to these ears, it could be that good...

But hey, I'm also the kind of Artist who rides the horses (songs) in my stable that I feel can win the derby.


Steve Altonian---"I'll just do my best & let God do the rest"

http://www.stevealtonian.com
#1015815 - 07/16/13 04:47 PM Re: two horse town [Re: Steve Altonian]  
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maccharles Offline
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maccharles  Offline
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Mackie,

I'm surprised this tune keeps attracting more reviews, I knew it was in need of a few things when I abandoned it for the next one. All these suggestions are added to a folder along with the song for later consideration when I get back to it.......thanks for taking a few minutes to listen.

Steve,

Thanks for the suggestions, at this point I am unable to return to it just yet....it'll be awhile. It's a brand new song every week (usually takes about four days to produce a new one) and I'm also re mastering some recordings by a band I was in back in the 90's......on top of that, I've been hired to produce A new artist out of seattle and am in pre production with that........so.....time is scarce right now........thanks for the review.

#1015816 - 07/16/13 04:49 PM Re: two horse town [Re: maccharles]  
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Bugsey Offline
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Bugsey  Offline
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Me too, every time I turn around this song is on top lol

I think they hear their own songs being produced like that.

Im looking for a producer myself...

#1015826 - 07/16/13 05:28 PM Re: two horse town [Re: Bugsey]  
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maccharles Offline
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maccharles  Offline
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Bugsey,

I think if people saw the gear I am using, they'd understand that it doesn't take that much to make a home demo sound listenable........I find the biggest issue being "fighting" the urge to add too much of something....reverbs, echoes, guitars, drum rolls ect.

I think a lot of people don't pay attention to the basics like using tuners, getting good levels, going light with effects ect. I really have minimal gear....hell, I don't even have a guitar amp and use ONE mic....an sm58.....that's it.

#1015827 - 07/16/13 05:39 PM Re: two horse town [Re: maccharles]  
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Bugsey Offline
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Bugsey  Offline
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Yeah, signal chain is important. I havent really tried to get a great recording, I usually dont, so I just see how decent the song is. A nice quiet room helps too.

Well your playing and arranging also contributes to it.

Most songwriters know how to strum a few chords, and know nothing about drums, bass, Keyboards or cant sing.


I actually started in garage rock bands so I became a writer later, now I spend most of my musical time writing.

One of these days Im gonna work on sound.

#1015835 - 07/16/13 07:45 PM Re: two horse town [Re: Bugsey]  
Joined: Dec 2000
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John Voorpostel Offline
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John Voorpostel  Offline
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I'm in the camp of don't change a thing.

1) the scenario is perfectly painted and we learn all about her that we need to know

2) from your reaction to her, we learn all about you that we need to know

3) from that stellar last verse, a thank you would have been enough, we know everything we need to know about your two horse town

4) the structure may be a little quirky, (may be why people are wanting more), but it has an excellent groove and the entire musical part is well executed.

5) less definitely more here..

Glad I followed this link.



If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop

iAccountant --- Info L inc --- Taxboard
#1015885 - 07/17/13 03:26 AM Re: two horse town [Re: John Voorpostel]  
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maccharles Offline
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maccharles  Offline
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John,

looks like you did some catching up....now the board is a bit clogged...ha ha....thanks for the spins.


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