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Heart Shaped Box


You broke my spirit, never had a chance to come alive
You left me in the dark, at least I had a place to hide
I soon discovered that the more I wept the more I died

Going through my re-creation
I will never be destroyed again

The season of rebirth had sent me to an early grave
Could you not see through your indifference the mess you made
Or did you like the game although I didn't want to play

Going through my re-creation
I will never be destroyed again

Walking through the glass
Left when I shattered
Picking up the shards
Found in the rocks
Cutting up my hands
I gently placed them
Safely deep inside
My heart shaped box

Inside the dark I pieced together what I found of me
Until I crawled out of my heart shaped box I couldn't see
Self-preservation left me twisted so uncomfortably

Going through my re-creation
I will never be destroyed again

Walking through the glass
Left when I shattered
Picking up the shards
Found in the rocks
Cutting up my hands
I gently placed them
Safely deep inside
My heart shaped box

Someday you'll cross my path
I'll break your glass
And leave you

Walking through the glass
Left when I shattered
Picking up the shards
Found in the rocks
Cutting up my hands
I gently placed them
Safely deep inside
My heart shaped box


Melancholy Blue

[This message has been edited by MelancholyBlue (edited 11-08-2003).]

Looks pretty good just a little long.

Jerry

oooh the more i wept the more i died is my fav line

gotta say it again you are damn talented rock loves you lol

Thanks Jerry.It has a fast beat, so it may seem longer than it is. But I may have to trim some.
Hey, Nikki. I've been thinking of ya. Do you see anything I should change?

uhm lets see ill look but i doubt it, lol

nope very very extremely well written
i would really love to hear this with
music could be a very definite hit!!
you've got some majormajor talent on your
hands, bravo!!!! lol

i mean damn im just in like i dunno - AWE!

The season of rebirth had sent me to an early grave
Could you not see through your indifference the mess you made
Or did you like the game although I didn't want to play

i really love those lines! GREAT JOB!!!!!

lol - tabbi.

::bows down to great talent::

Nice. Now we have three rock writers on the board *lol*. .

The only concern that I would voice about this one is the fact that it *appears* to take a long time to get to the crux of the song (heart shaped box). This isn't necessarily a bad thing in all cases, but it could potentially inhibit commercial applications. If this is just a song for you though, then no worries.

Good job.

Sk8

SK8, do you think I should add the chorus between V1 and 2? I don't want to overkill the heart shaped box, and I thought this way would give a little more insight before the chorus. I am so freakin' happy I'm on the right track.
May I credit my inspirations- AFI and Queen.
Rock On!

queen uhm ok wouldnt guess that
but i love afi davey havok is soo hot
are you a guy or a gal sk8 guessed you
were a guy from 20 - 25 but im just
clueless, lol.

great job... again, mel!!

-tabbi.

Hang onto your hat,Nikki.Gal,(Davey is extremely hot,talented,sweet,the list goes on) 39.

[This message has been edited by MelancholyBlue (edited 11-08-2003).]

Well whatever you are lol
UR JUST TALENTED !!

I dunno. I'm not an award-winning songwriter. Once this is put to music you might wanna time how long it takes to get to the chorus and make adjustments to the arrangement if necessary. It may be just fine as is depending on how long your intro is and how fast the tempo is.

After reading this through a few times, the following lines seem to be a little out of place to me, but not to the point where they ruin the lyric or anything.

Someday I'll track you down
You'll feel my wrath
And I will leave you

It gives me pause to wonder why someone would track someone down just to leave them. I think that I know what the sentiment is that you are trying to give here (revenge, showing someone how much they hurt you, etc), but you might play around with saying it differently. I'm hesitant to suggest any changes, but if it were my own lyric, then I might look at changing those three lines a little.

Oh, and in actual answer to your question, I personally wouldn't put a chorus in between verse 1 and verse 2. I think both verses are needed to set this up before you can logically get to the chorus.

HTH

Sk8

How about

Someday you'll cross my path
I'll break your glass
And leave you

Mel

Yeah, summit' like that. Direct and to the point. Forceful yet not too threatening. I certainly see it as better. But that's me - free advice is usually worth what you paid for it.

Cheers.

Sk8

Yes, I think that is much better. Thanks for your help.

Mel

Hey Mel, I like this one. The chorus is strong in this one. The title immediately got my attention. The inbetween stroke about "re-creation" is cool. The bridge is the only thing I can make an offer on. The old saying; "what comes around, goes around" Use it, if it works for ya.

"Someday you'll cross the path
of the one who'll break your glass
and leave you."

A thought anyway. Nice lyrics.

Kris Karr

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/2/kriskarrmusic.htm



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Thanks, Kris. But if anyone breaks the glass,it's gonna be me. Glad you like it.

As far as the title goes - everyone realizes this is the title of a very famous Nirvana song, right? ("I've been locked inside your heart-shaped box", etc. etc.) Not that anyone can copyright titles, but it might lead to confusion or accusations of "rip off" when the song is published and you get famous.

hoss,
I really had no idea until after the fact.I will try to rethink the title.
Thanks
Mel

Hey, I just saw your reply. You go girl! Give'm what for! Keep the title. It'll draw the attention it deserves. No one owns a title. {ok, maybe Metallica.:}

Kris Karr

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/2/kriskarrmusic.htm



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Hi MB

The title drew me in on this one, same as one of Nirvana’s – I think your lyric is sufficiently different though so no worries there. However if you intend a grunge metal sound for this then the obvious comparison will be made.

I liked this – a good read

Nice one

Nige

Hey Mel -

Let me know if you want to grunge this, eh?



Sk8