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#1012684 - 06/20/13 10:25 PM From Now On - Re-done with new music. Helps?  
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 75
bruce l Offline
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bruce l  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 75
Boston, MA.
Original - http://sclk.co/s7d5ez

New Rendition : http://sclk.co/s7e0rr

I'll do well
I do believe
To keep my heart
Out on my sleeve
From now on, from now on

I traveled far
Only to learn
I passed the point
Of no return
From now on

From now on if I must
I'll count the days down
In the dust
If you want to know me
Come and look, I keep my heart
Like an open book
Come and look

Time is swift
Moves so fast
I'll live each day
Like it's my last
From now on, from now on

'Cause I can't find what
I'm looking for
Til I reach my home
On that distant shore
From now on, from now on

Last edited by bruce l; 07/16/13 12:29 PM.
#1012704 - 06/21/13 08:11 AM Re: From Now On [Re: bruce l]  
Joined: Jan 2013
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B K Williamson Offline
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B K Williamson  Offline
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Louisville, KY
Hey Bruce,

IMO you did a beautiful job on this work. The only nit I have is that it seams unfinished. The lyrics are plain and to the point with an incredibly passionate delivery. It made me think of John Prine and Leonard Cohen, two of my personal greatest inspirations.

I would sit down with this one and try to add a little more to the story, ie: maybe some history as to the characters emotional state.

Great job,
Bryan

#1012939 - 06/24/13 10:54 AM Re: From Now On [Re: B K Williamson]  
Joined: Mar 2013
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bruce l Offline
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bruce l  Offline
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Boston, MA.
Hi, Bryan, thanks for kind remarks on song. I've been thinking about your suggestion and I like it, but I'm not sure how to do it.

Ideas?

#1013005 - 06/25/13 01:08 AM Re: From Now On [Re: bruce l]  
Joined: Nov 2011
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E Swartz Online content
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E Swartz  Online Content
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Ohio
Bruce,

You have a great rhythm going with this song--it held my attention through the whole song. I say that, because that's a point I think that is important and worth mentioning--believe me some songs I listen to, I have to start over because I got bored or just couldn't feel anything. I think you have a good melody and a nice rhythm with this song, decent lyrics, yet a bit too vague like Brian was saying.

An idea to resolve your story in the last verse, might be to state that "you know what you are looking for," but she's gone or no longer available--that is your personal tragedy. People love "tragedy" because they will either sympathize or emphasize depending on their own experiences. Stories don't have to be structured or detailed like authors, but we songwriters do need to convey either a short story or an interesting chain of events to keep the listener engaged. What I think lacking here, is story resolution.

I really like what you have thus far and can see very good potential for more serious production--great job. Cool vocals as well!

steady-eddie.

#1013023 - 06/25/13 02:14 AM Re: From Now On [Re: E Swartz]  
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Richard Scott Offline
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Richard Scott  Offline
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Bruce, welcome to the board!! I agree, you need to add to this one, but it's worth pursuing!! :))) scotty

#1013047 - 06/25/13 11:48 AM Re: From Now On [Re: Richard Scott]  
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bruce l Offline
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bruce l  Offline
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Boston, MA.
Steady-Eddie and Scotty, I see where you guys are coming from. I appreciate the feedback.

At bottom, it's a person projecting his/her feelings while acutely aware of the impermanence of life. The "from now on" point is that awareness.

Not sure how to proceed.

#1013053 - 06/25/13 12:46 PM Re: From Now On [Re: bruce l]  
Joined: Nov 2011
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E Swartz Online content
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E Swartz  Online Content
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Ohio
Bruce,

Remember, there is no "one" way to write any song. Some lyrics may be very straight-forward, some genuine, some hypothetical, others more profound or poetic--all of these options are available for the writer to utilize with their lyrical "expressions." It is the writer's "art-form and instincts" that give them their own style--which is cool and gives us all individuality. But if a writer wants listener's to relate & understand their song's message, there needs to be just enough detail and good composition structure to convey that message--else it will be lost or not understood--you have about 4 minutes to achieve that with music & lyrics.

Some critics may also give you a hard time about using "clichés" within your song, I don't have a real problem with that if they flow and "fit" well. I would be careful though as not to use too many within your song. (for instance--"heart on sleeve," this fits well and feels sincere. "On that distant shore," -- this one really is a bit too "general" of a cliché and seems a bit more contrived.

Follow your instincts, you can use or lose our advice--we aren't always right--but IMO, I just think you need better resolution for the listener with your last verse. It will make sense to you because you grasp what you are feeling--conveying that to the "listener" is what makes your lyrics "good art." Maybe say something like, "I guess I'll never find what I'm looking for" --then give an interesting reason or reasons why. Maybe if your first verse stated that you "left home and journeyed," the last verse would feel more "full circle with coming home," perhaps.

So where to proceed? I've give you an idea or two, but I would just shelve it for a few days or a week, then come back with a fresh perspective, start playing the song and let your creativity go back to work--or if you are happy, just leave it as is.

Love your music as I told your before!

steady-eddie.


#1013058 - 06/25/13 01:10 PM Re: From Now On [Re: E Swartz]  
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bobbyearlray Offline
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Nashville, Tn.
Hey Bruce- Nice to see someone from Massachusetts on here. I also feel these are lovely lyrics. As usual, Eddie offered some excellent advice. All I know is this song is worth the effort to make it a real gem. Good to see you on here-Bobby

#1013061 - 06/25/13 01:18 PM Re: From Now On [Re: bobbyearlray]  
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Michael LeBlanc Offline
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Michael LeBlanc  Offline
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Louisiana
Excellent job Bruce!You have a few good sugs from the others as this one is deffinitley worth a little more work.Love the vocals and all around true feeling!Mike

#1013110 - 06/25/13 09:58 PM Re: From Now On [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
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bruce l Offline
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bruce l  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2013
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Boston, MA.
Steady-eddie: thank you for your comments and suggestions. I will, as you suggested, put this on hold for a while and see if I can come up with a more complete product further down the road (there go those damn cliches again!).

Bobby: I've live in the Boston area and have for about 54 out of my 64 years on earth. Spent a while in California and a while in Maine. My job involves enough traveling to break it up a bit, which I grateful for.

Michael: I appreciate the listen and the encouragement. I look forward to hearing more of your work. Best wishes

#1015767 - 07/16/13 12:30 PM Re: From Now On [Re: bruce l]  
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bruce l Offline
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bruce l  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2013
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Boston, MA.
original : http://sclk.co/s7d5ez

New Rendition : http://sclk.co/s7e0rr

A friend of mine very ably added an accompaniment. What do you think?

#1015797 - 07/16/13 02:10 PM Re: From Now On [Re: bruce l]  
Joined: Feb 2013
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GocartMoz Offline
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GocartMoz  Offline
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Florida
Wow Bruce,

Love the added instrumentation here, particularly the piano and lead fills. It really adds so much to this song. You know I am a huge fan.

Dave


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