Who's Online Now
28 registered members (couchgrouch, Dave Rice, Deej56, Chris Wood, Aaron Corley, 9ne, ckiphen, CTthomas, 5 invisible), and 331 guests, and
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Shout Box
Member Spotlight
PENKSLYRICS
PENKSLYRICS
Crewe, England
Posts: 100
Joined: September 2011
Show All Member Profiles 
What's Going On
Let's Leave Behind This Crazy World (w/ T. David)
by couchgrouch. 08/11/20 05:29 PM
Edit: ALL Corona Virus Post MUST Go Here
by John W. Selleck. 08/11/20 05:02 PM
How Many Fingers Am I Holdin' Up
by couchgrouch. 08/11/20 04:46 PM
I was only me
by Deej56. 08/11/20 02:25 PM
"I Saw Jesus Today" Country
by swestern. 08/11/20 02:18 PM
Hang On To Yourself
by Deej56. 08/11/20 01:56 PM
Hey Moonlight - Lyrics Mike Blottenberger
by Deej56. 08/11/20 01:55 PM
Every night is Christmas Eve
by ckiphen. 08/11/20 11:43 AM
I Paint the Town
by couchgrouch. 08/10/20 10:56 AM
Best Moment Of My Life Original Song
by E Swartz. 08/09/20 07:43 PM
Piano (instrumental)
by Irwin. 08/08/20 11:49 PM
This is for collaboration
by Irwin. 08/08/20 11:44 PM
I Wear My Heart
by John W. Selleck. 08/08/20 10:27 PM
limericks
by CTthomas. 08/08/20 04:39 PM
It’s Getting Pretty Complicated Right Now
by CTthomas. 08/08/20 03:51 PM
A heart in Love never lies
by ckiphen. 08/07/20 09:28 AM
Conversations In A Minor Key
by Gerry. 08/07/20 06:09 AM
VIDEO is done...”Spread Your Wings & Fly”
by Steve Altonian. 08/06/20 09:37 PM
I Been There
by Songbird52. 08/06/20 09:16 PM
Peace of Mind
by Deej56. 08/06/20 09:13 PM
A Day In The Life
by Deej56. 08/06/20 09:12 PM
Hard World Waiting
by Deej56. 08/06/20 09:11 PM
Sea of tranquility
by ckiphen. 08/06/20 02:53 PM
Wisdom's Wildfires
by Perry Neal Crawford. 08/06/20 01:04 PM
60 Happy Years
by Dave Rice. 08/06/20 09:34 AM
Your Guitar (Now with alternate bridge)
by John W. Selleck. 08/05/20 01:35 PM
Children of the same God
by ckiphen. 08/05/20 01:25 PM
Encore in the house of the Lord
by ckiphen. 08/05/20 01:06 PM
You Touched Me
by John W. Selleck. 08/04/20 10:11 PM
ChrisWMusic
by Gavin Sinclair. 08/04/20 05:50 PM
Top Posters(All Time)
Calvin 19,834
Travis david 11,921
Kevin Emmrich 10,677
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,649
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 8,845
glynda 8,679
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
Colin Ward 7,909
couchgrouch 7,805
Dave Rice 7,767
Corey 7,357
Vicarn 6,620
Mark Kaufman 6,584
Wyman Lloyd 6,578
ben willis 6,107
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
niteshift 5,683
Linda Sings 5,608
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Neil Cotton 4,909
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,666
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,376
Roy Cooper 4,241
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Tom Shea 4,179
Cindy Miller 4,178
TamsNumber4 4,104
nightengale 4,096
MFB III 3,926
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,815
Dan Sullivan 3,710
beechnut79 3,580
E Swartz 3,519
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
PopTodd 2,890
Harriet Ames 2,870
Nigel Quin 2,846
MidniteBob 2,712
Nelson 2,603
Tom Tracy 2,558
Polly Hager 2,526
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Fdemetrio 2,478
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,242
Judy Hollier 2,232
Wendy D 2,219
Erica Ellis 2,202
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Sunset Poet 2,067
Marty Helly 2,027
maccharles 1,988
DukeWill 1,988
floyd jane 1,985
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,650
Noel Downs 1,620
Rick Heenan 1,608
Cal 1,574
Jack Swain 1,554
GocartMoz 1,552
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
Tom Franz 1,473
RogerS 1,471
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Rick Norton 1,429
Kenneth Cade 1,429
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,408
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
Deej56 1,325
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,292
DakLander 1,265
PeteG 1,242
Ian Ferrin 1,230
Gerry 1,221
Glen King 1,214
IdeaGuy 1,209
lane1777 1,184
AaronAuthier 1,177
summeoyo 1,172
Diane Ewing 1,158
joro 1,082
BobbyJoe 1,075
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
Tony A 1,016
IronKnee 1,009
argo 986
peaden 984
Wolvman 960
90 dB 944
9ne 931
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 829
Juan 797
TKO 784
Dayson 781
frahmes 781
teletwang 762
ant 747
Andy K 746
tbryson 737
Andy Kemp 734
Jackie444 731
3daveyO3 704
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Irwin 674
Katziis 652
Moosesong 642
Pat Hardy 641
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
CG King 622
douglas 621
Mel 614
NaomiSue 601
Shandy 589
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
JAPOV 563
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
R&M 527
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 511
goodfolks 499
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
ckiphen 443
dmk 442
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
Rob L 426
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Cecilee 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
spidey 371
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
#1012684 - 06/20/13 11:25 PM From Now On - Re-done with new music. Helps?  
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 75
bruce l Offline
Serious Contributor
bruce l  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 75
Boston, MA.
Original - http://sclk.co/s7d5ez

New Rendition : http://sclk.co/s7e0rr

I'll do well
I do believe
To keep my heart
Out on my sleeve
From now on, from now on

I traveled far
Only to learn
I passed the point
Of no return
From now on

From now on if I must
I'll count the days down
In the dust
If you want to know me
Come and look, I keep my heart
Like an open book
Come and look

Time is swift
Moves so fast
I'll live each day
Like it's my last
From now on, from now on

'Cause I can't find what
I'm looking for
Til I reach my home
On that distant shore
From now on, from now on

Last edited by bruce l; 07/16/13 01:29 PM.
#1012704 - 06/21/13 09:11 AM Re: From Now On [Re: bruce l]  
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 238
B K Williamson Offline
Serious Contributor
B K Williamson  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 238
Louisville, KY
Hey Bruce,

IMO you did a beautiful job on this work. The only nit I have is that it seams unfinished. The lyrics are plain and to the point with an incredibly passionate delivery. It made me think of John Prine and Leonard Cohen, two of my personal greatest inspirations.

I would sit down with this one and try to add a little more to the story, ie: maybe some history as to the characters emotional state.

Great job,
Bryan

#1012939 - 06/24/13 11:54 AM Re: From Now On [Re: B K Williamson]  
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 75
bruce l Offline
Serious Contributor
bruce l  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 75
Boston, MA.
Hi, Bryan, thanks for kind remarks on song. I've been thinking about your suggestion and I like it, but I'm not sure how to do it.

Ideas?

#1013005 - 06/25/13 02:08 AM Re: From Now On [Re: bruce l]  
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,519
E Swartz Offline
Top 100 Poster
E Swartz  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,519
Ohio
Bruce,

You have a great rhythm going with this song--it held my attention through the whole song. I say that, because that's a point I think that is important and worth mentioning--believe me some songs I listen to, I have to start over because I got bored or just couldn't feel anything. I think you have a good melody and a nice rhythm with this song, decent lyrics, yet a bit too vague like Brian was saying.

An idea to resolve your story in the last verse, might be to state that "you know what you are looking for," but she's gone or no longer available--that is your personal tragedy. People love "tragedy" because they will either sympathize or emphasize depending on their own experiences. Stories don't have to be structured or detailed like authors, but we songwriters do need to convey either a short story or an interesting chain of events to keep the listener engaged. What I think lacking here, is story resolution.

I really like what you have thus far and can see very good potential for more serious production--great job. Cool vocals as well!

steady-eddie.

#1013023 - 06/25/13 03:14 AM Re: From Now On [Re: E Swartz]  
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,899
Richard Scott Offline
Top 100 Poster
Richard Scott  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,899
bossier city, LA. USA
Bruce, welcome to the board!! I agree, you need to add to this one, but it's worth pursuing!! :))) scotty

#1013047 - 06/25/13 12:48 PM Re: From Now On [Re: Richard Scott]  
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 75
bruce l Offline
Serious Contributor
bruce l  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 75
Boston, MA.
Steady-Eddie and Scotty, I see where you guys are coming from. I appreciate the feedback.

At bottom, it's a person projecting his/her feelings while acutely aware of the impermanence of life. The "from now on" point is that awareness.

Not sure how to proceed.

#1013053 - 06/25/13 01:46 PM Re: From Now On [Re: bruce l]  
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,519
E Swartz Offline
Top 100 Poster
E Swartz  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,519
Ohio
Bruce,

Remember, there is no "one" way to write any song. Some lyrics may be very straight-forward, some genuine, some hypothetical, others more profound or poetic--all of these options are available for the writer to utilize with their lyrical "expressions." It is the writer's "art-form and instincts" that give them their own style--which is cool and gives us all individuality. But if a writer wants listener's to relate & understand their song's message, there needs to be just enough detail and good composition structure to convey that message--else it will be lost or not understood--you have about 4 minutes to achieve that with music & lyrics.

Some critics may also give you a hard time about using "clichés" within your song, I don't have a real problem with that if they flow and "fit" well. I would be careful though as not to use too many within your song. (for instance--"heart on sleeve," this fits well and feels sincere. "On that distant shore," -- this one really is a bit too "general" of a cliché and seems a bit more contrived.

Follow your instincts, you can use or lose our advice--we aren't always right--but IMO, I just think you need better resolution for the listener with your last verse. It will make sense to you because you grasp what you are feeling--conveying that to the "listener" is what makes your lyrics "good art." Maybe say something like, "I guess I'll never find what I'm looking for" --then give an interesting reason or reasons why. Maybe if your first verse stated that you "left home and journeyed," the last verse would feel more "full circle with coming home," perhaps.

So where to proceed? I've give you an idea or two, but I would just shelve it for a few days or a week, then come back with a fresh perspective, start playing the song and let your creativity go back to work--or if you are happy, just leave it as is.

Love your music as I told your before!

steady-eddie.


#1013058 - 06/25/13 02:10 PM Re: From Now On [Re: E Swartz]  
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 572
bobbyearlray Offline
Top 500 Poster
bobbyearlray  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 572
Nashville, Tn.
Hey Bruce- Nice to see someone from Massachusetts on here. I also feel these are lovely lyrics. As usual, Eddie offered some excellent advice. All I know is this song is worth the effort to make it a real gem. Good to see you on here-Bobby

#1013061 - 06/25/13 02:18 PM Re: From Now On [Re: bobbyearlray]  
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325
Michael LeBlanc Offline
Top 10 Poster
Michael LeBlanc  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325
Louisiana
Excellent job Bruce!You have a few good sugs from the others as this one is deffinitley worth a little more work.Love the vocals and all around true feeling!Mike

#1013110 - 06/25/13 10:58 PM Re: From Now On [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 75
bruce l Offline
Serious Contributor
bruce l  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 75
Boston, MA.
Steady-eddie: thank you for your comments and suggestions. I will, as you suggested, put this on hold for a while and see if I can come up with a more complete product further down the road (there go those damn cliches again!).

Bobby: I've live in the Boston area and have for about 54 out of my 64 years on earth. Spent a while in California and a while in Maine. My job involves enough traveling to break it up a bit, which I grateful for.

Michael: I appreciate the listen and the encouragement. I look forward to hearing more of your work. Best wishes

#1015767 - 07/16/13 01:30 PM Re: From Now On [Re: bruce l]  
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 75
bruce l Offline
Serious Contributor
bruce l  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 75
Boston, MA.
original : http://sclk.co/s7d5ez

New Rendition : http://sclk.co/s7e0rr

A friend of mine very ably added an accompaniment. What do you think?

#1015797 - 07/16/13 03:10 PM Re: From Now On [Re: bruce l]  
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,552
GocartMoz Offline
Top 200 Poster
GocartMoz  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,552
Florida
Wow Bruce,

Love the added instrumentation here, particularly the piano and lead fills. It really adds so much to this song. You know I am a huge fan.

Dave


Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Newest Members
Dean_McAlister, Chris Wood, CBAY, mrpeepshow, Craig Allen
21286 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums116
Topics120,616
Posts1,135,119
Members21,286
Average Posts Daily35
Most Online37,523
Jan 25th, 2020
Just Plain Quotes
"If you are stuck in your musical composing, be unreasonable. Change your environment. If you are stuck in your lyrical efforts, instead of forcing the same old words out, force yourself to do unreasonable things." -Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
No Birthdays
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0