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#1009263 - 05/24/13 03:13 PM GOD MADE 'EM, THE DEVIL PAIRED 'EM.  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,015
Travis david Offline
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Travis david  Offline
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
GOD MAKES 'EM, THE DEVIL PAIRS 'EM.

v
Met in a diner off the interstate
nobody cared they were kids and the hour was late
Sat at near tables,she admired his tattoos
gave her a cigarette,bought her a coffee or two
V
Both spent time in house's of correction
low on friends and without parental affection
Broke away from the restraints of custody
for the first time in their lives, they were free

PRE CHORUS.
THEY WERE FREE, FREE FREE
c
God Made 'em the devil paired 'em
Pity the mothers who had to bare them
Put together, they were mean real mean
Like matching fire with gasoline
God Made 'em the devil praised 'em
Pity the mothers who had to raise them
v
left the diner in the owners car
she clutched her wound crying you wont get far
The cash they stole lasted 'bout a week,then
when it ran out they needed to steal again
b
They crossed four state lines stole cars-robbed small town stores.
Hooked on it like a drug, kept needing to score

PRE CHORUS.
NEEDING TO SCORE, SCORE SCORE

c
God Made 'em the devil paired 'em
Pity the mothers who had to bare them
Put together, they were mean real mean
Like matching fire with gasoline
God Made 'em the devil praised 'em
Pity the mothers who had to raise them

v
Parked up for the night down a dirt road
both tired falling sleep, a cop on patrol
spotted the vehicle saw it on his hot list
kid spooked,he went for his gun, but the cop didn't miss

PRE CHORUS
COP DIDN'T MISS,GOOD COPS DON'T MISS
c
God Made 'em the devil paired 'em
Pity the mothers who had to bare them
Put together, they were mean real mean
Like matching fire with gasoline
God Made 'em the devil praised 'em
Pity the mothers who had to raise them

Outro
God makes them now the devil wont spare them

Last edited by Travis david; 05/27/13 05:24 PM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1009278 - 05/24/13 04:51 PM Re: GOD MAKES THEM, THE DEVIL PAIRS THEM. [Re: Travis david]  
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L. James Tanner Offline
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L. James Tanner  Offline
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Indiana
Nice write Travis. Title drew me in. Like the story and progression. I notice you have "graves"...I was thinking "grave" might sound better, but that's just my take.

"Crossed four state lines stealing cars and robbing small town stores
both had the same anger, and notions they needed to explore"

The "notions" part didn't seem to have a natural feel like the rest of the song (imo)

You are such a good writer that to suggest something else almost seems sacrileges, but I thought the line:

"both had the same anger, that they couldn't suppress anymore"

might be another alternative. Just a suggestion, to use or throw out. But over all I like this very much and as always enjoy reading your stuff.

#1009285 - 05/24/13 05:14 PM Re: GOD MAKES THEM, THE DEVIL PAIRS THEM. [Re: L. James Tanner]  
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Jim Colyer Offline
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I like the idea but would hate to meet up with this pair. They must be a modern day Bonnie & Clyde.

#1009404 - 05/25/13 12:13 PM Re: GOD MAKES THEM, THE DEVIL PAIRS THEM. [Re: Jim Colyer]  
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Travis david Offline
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Travis david  Offline
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Thanks James
I've used your suggestion
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1009405 - 05/25/13 12:13 PM Re: GOD MAKES THEM, THE DEVIL PAIRS THEM. [Re: Travis david]  
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Travis david Offline
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Travis david  Offline
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Hello Jim
Thanks for your visit,a little less successful but the same ending lol
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1009452 - 05/25/13 06:29 PM Re: GOD MAKES THEM, THE DEVIL PAIRS THEM. [Re: Travis david]  
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KimberlyinNC Offline
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KimberlyinNC  Offline
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North Carolina
Originally Posted by Travis david
GOD MAKES THEM, THE DEVIL PAIRS THEM.

Both spent time in house's of correction
they were low on friends lacked parental affection
Ran away,and for the first time felt free
later their paths would cross,something's are meant to be--this part confused me, if they ran away, are they not already together? I know you don't mean it that way...the ran away and the first time felt free..is what made it seem like the deed of pairing up was done..maybe re-consider that one--to show they have not met yet..

God Make's them the devil pairs them--I would word it God MADE them AND the devil paired them but sing it God Made 'um and the Devil paired UM
pity those mother's who had to bare them--the mothers..
Fixing to die, before they get to be old--this gives away what is gonna happen to them...I have been told in lots of classes to not give away what happens too soon
futures a paupers graves,lonely and cold--this line seems too proper for the song and I feel something with more meat on the bones and gritty would be better...for this style of song..maybe something like--one was fire, one gasoline, one born to be wild and the other a little too mean, or something to describe them in a gritty way.
God make's them the devil pairs them
pity the mother's who had to bare them

First met in a diner off the interstate--no need to put first here...just They Met in the dinner off the interstate--cause there is no 2nd meeting
nobody worried they were kids and it was late
Started talking and gelled right away
held the diner up, pool of blood, s'where the manager lay--your rhyme scheme here is all the same, interstate, late, away , lay...the first verse is not..it is AABB, so you need to have them the same :)I feel this could be told in an easier way...maybe describe it..she liked his tattoo and commented on it, something to start the conversation between them...to paint a picture, then be sure to state it all plainly...not where the manager lay..a bit poetic for this gritty song:)

Crossed four state lines stealing cars and robbing small town stores
both had the same anger, they couldn't suppress it anymore--what is this in the song? it is not a chorus..would it be a pre-chorus? if so, them I would not put in the chorus at all until they have already met in the diner then go into the pre-chorus and then chorus it would set it up nicely...

God Make's them the devil pairs them
pity those mother's who had to bare them
Fixing to die, before they get to be old
futures a paupers graves lonesome and cold
God make's them the devil pairs them
pity the mother's who had to bare them

Parked up for the night down a dirt road
ready for sleep, but a cop on patrol
Discovered the car was on his hot list
the kid spooked, went for his gun, but the cop didn't miss

God Make's them the devil pairs them
pity those mother's who had to bare them
Fixing to die, before they get to be old
futures a paupers graves lonesome and cold
God make's them the devil pairs them
pity the mother's who had to bare them

Outro
God makes them now the devil wont spare them



I would structure it differently

Verse One
Both spent time in house's of correction
then add in verse two
Met in a diner off the interstate
then pre-chorus
Crossed four state lines stealing cars and robbing small town stores
both had the same anger, they couldn't suppress it anymore
then go into the cool chorus then add in verse 3
Parked up for the night down a dirt road
then back to pre-chorus and finish up with chorus.... wink
You have a really cool hook here...I added suggestions and so many because it drew me in enough to care about wanting to give a through critique..I think with a few small changes this could be a really good one...nice for a movie
Kimberly

Last edited by KimberlyinNC; 05/25/13 06:34 PM.

*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
BMI Member All Rights Reserved
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#1009485 - 05/25/13 08:30 PM Re: GOD MAKES THEM, THE DEVIL PAIRS THEM. [Re: KimberlyinNC]  
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Marilyn Oakley Offline
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Marilyn Oakley  Offline
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Posts: 71
WIsconsin
Hello Travis,

I like your story here. Made me think of those characters from Natural Born Killers. smile

I know Kimber mentioned in your chorus not to give away the ending, but whether you had one or both killed off, or not even - IMHO, I think the chorus for me just sets up, the kind of lifestyle they are leading, tells one that they could possibly not grow old.

I do like Kimber's suggestion of a pre-chorus

Verse, Verse, Pre-Chorus, Chorus, Verse, Pre-Chorus, chorus, etc.

Perhaps take out the word "and" in the first line; if you used this as your pre-chorus;
Crossed four state lines stealing cars robbing small town stores
both had the same anger, they couldn't suppress it anymore

A good story lyric. smile

#1009570 - 05/26/13 04:05 PM Re: GOD MAKES THEM, THE DEVIL PAIRS THEM. [Re: Marilyn Oakley]  
Joined: Jun 2011
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Travis david Offline
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Travis david  Offline
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Thanks for your help Kimberly , I used a couple of your suggestions and changed the structure somewhat thanks for your help.
I think I've spent enough time on this one though and time to move on
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1009571 - 05/26/13 04:07 PM Re: GOD MAKES THEM, THE DEVIL PAIRS THEM. [Re: Travis david]  
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Travis david Offline
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Travis david  Offline
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Hi Marilyn
Thanks for your suggestions, I've not gone for a pre chorus.There's a bridge there though.Time to move onto the next one!
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1009641 - 05/27/13 01:39 AM Re: GOD MADE 'EM, THE DEVIL PAIRED 'EM. [Re: Travis david]  
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joewatt Offline
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Hey Travis
You've packed a lot of action into such a small space, but it works very nicely. Good write.

Cheers
Joe

#1009647 - 05/27/13 01:52 AM Re: GOD MADE 'EM, THE DEVIL PAIRED 'EM. [Re: joewatt]  
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Lisa Gundling Offline
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Hi Travis,

It's hard to create these characters and then leave them! That would be like leaving Sadie -- LOL!

You got a lot of great suggestions so I just stopped by to say that I got a kick out of your story!

Lisa

#1009668 - 05/27/13 11:14 AM Re: GOD MADE 'EM, THE DEVIL PAIRED 'EM. [Re: Lisa Gundling]  
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Travis david Offline
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Thanks for your visit and comments Joe
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1009669 - 05/27/13 11:15 AM Re: GOD MADE 'EM, THE DEVIL PAIRED 'EM. [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2011
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Travis david Offline
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Travis david  Offline
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Hello Lisa
Pleased you like it, thanks for leaving a comment
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1009679 - 05/27/13 12:07 PM Re: GOD MADE 'EM, THE DEVIL PAIRED 'EM. [Re: Travis david]  
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Dan Sullivan Offline
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Dan Sullivan  Offline
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MI
Travis, You've got an interesting outlaw story with overtures of Bonnie & Clyde. I love the line about one being fire and the other gasoline. But "together as explosive as gunpowder magazines" seems like a place-holder. How about this as a chorus:

God Made 'em the devil paired 'em
Pity the mothers who had to bear them
Put together, they were meaner than mean
Like matching fire with gasoline
God Made 'em the devil praised 'em
Pity the mothers who had to raise them


Write from your heart, not what you think others want to hear.

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#1009685 - 05/27/13 12:38 PM Re: GOD MADE 'EM, THE DEVIL PAIRED 'EM. [Re: Dan Sullivan]  
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Travis david Offline
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Travis david  Offline
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Hi Dan
I like your take on the chorus and with a slight change I have used it
Thanks
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1009927 - 05/29/13 12:39 AM Re: GOD MADE 'EM, THE DEVIL PAIRED 'EM. [Re: Travis david]  
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MFB III Offline
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ohio
A story torn right out of modern day horror tales. so many wayfaring kids, taking what they want and hurting so many in the process.~~~Matt

#1009962 - 05/29/13 08:22 AM Re: GOD MADE 'EM, THE DEVIL PAIRED 'EM. [Re: MFB III]  
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Travis david Offline
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Travis david  Offline
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Thanks for your comments Matt
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde

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