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I've thrown in a quick (big) change to the chorus' as suggested.
Caroline, mind takin' another peek?....all suggs welcomed. Thanks
Already Gone
Copyright OpenMikeMusic 2012
What was I thinkin,’ fool? What have I done? One minute I’m drinkin’ the next I’m in love. The room started spinnin,’ fast an’ it wasn’t the rum, even before she kissed me, man, I was already gone
(Already gone) Before she sat at the bar stool (Already gone) In that blue satin dress (Already gone) As our eyes met at the door and our minds coalesced. (Already Gone) Before we talked for hours (Already Gone) Before that first kiss (Already Gone) I believe this is my first time in a place like this.
It didn't take long, I was already gone.
We took off like a rocket-ship so I didn’t have time To unload my cross to bear and enjoy the ride. My heart wasn’t ready, for the love of my life. If I could go back in time, right now, and make it right…
I’d be…
(Already gone) To get my heart ready (Already gone) To love like never before (Already gone) To undo the pain I caused and be so much more (Already Gone) Holdin’ you forever (Already Gone) As long as time would allow (Already Gone) If I would have known back then what I know right now…
it wouldn’t take long, I’d be already gone
(Musical interlude)
She sent me an email, She said “this is all wrong..” “I don’t know who you are, or where you've gone.” Before I could answer her and ask her to stay, she blocked me on facebook and was “single” by the end of the day.
She was
(Already gone) Before I hit "Reply" (Already gone) with a message that read, (Already gone) “…meet me at “our place” tonight, and we’ll start again.”
she was
(Already Gone) “we’ll talk for hours” (Already Gone) and be together again..” (Already Gone) “..Maybe forever this time…” “question mark”…..”send.”
Then I waited so long….. But she was already gone.
Interlude to fade
Last edited by Bluesriff; 06/23/12 01:54 AM.
Write on, Man, Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." Mahatma Gandhi
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I love everything except the chorus. The first verse makes me believe it's a face to face meeting but the chorus says its online. I really like the verses. If I were to have written it, I wouldn't mdkevit a waltz to start with if I'm including Internet dating. Second, I would make it about Internet dating and then have him imagining the first real meeting in the chorus. Probably wouldn't have it dnd with being blocked though. Got to have hope us what I'm told.
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Thanks Caroline, Appreciate the time.....I was trying to be like Tarentino (in retrospect, of course, and no pun intended) and allow my first verse to be the culmination of the chorus......does that not work? I am not trying to confuse the audience, I am simply saying I am "already gone" (infatuated) before their first face to face.....too baffling? Ok I'll scrap the feeble attempt to instill a two step into this quasi-country tune. Ha. Can I really explain this away? Ha ha Help, Caroline!
bluesey
Write on, Man, Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." Mahatma Gandhi
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Tarantino uses film, and a lot of props. Maybe if you added props to the first verse somehow to set up either his anticipation of the meeting or have it state that it's online somehow that might clear it up. BUT! I have been known to be wrong so I would definate wait for more feedback. Don't ever just rely on my opinion (I.e. not expert advice) to make a lyric better. I'm not ashamed to admit I know less today than I did last year....
Last edited by Caroline; 06/14/12 07:49 PM.
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Hi Bluesriff,
I like where this is headed!
~Jackie
Jacqueline Richter Mommy, wife, and songwriter
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Thanks for the peek and advice you two. Workin on the chorus....Any suggs?
mike
Write on, Man, Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." Mahatma Gandhi
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Hey Bluesriff, Two things, keep or sweep (1) The title. I know some will say it doesn't matter since a title cannot be copyrighted... but the Eagles had a big hit with the same. The title is the first thing a publisher knows about your song. If it looks familiar, he or she may not even take the time to pop in your CD for a listen. (2) In your first verse, mention that you are on the Internet to set up the story better.
“I usually start with a title or maybe a little rhyme or phrase.” - Harlan Howard
Co-writing = Compromise!
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Shayne, You got in your critique before I made the the drastic change to the chorus....Yeah, It was either change one or the other and I chose to change the chorus to match the verse instead of the other way around.
Tell me what you think. Yeah, I thought about that song title AFTER I assumed it had never been a big hit...much to my dismay...I see what you are saying here.
Thanks ya'll mike
Write on, Man, Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." Mahatma Gandhi
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Hi Mike,
I do like this a bit more. Ties together nicely and leaves no questions of where the first meeting was....I'm glad my input made sense, sometimes I ramble and make no point.....can't wait to hear it!
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Thanks Caroline, much appreciated...let me know if you see any other changes that might need to happen...it's far from finished.
thanks again, mike
Write on, Man, Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." Mahatma Gandhi
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Shayne mentioned The Eagles having a hit with the title, Already Gone. There is a second hit with that title by Kelly Clarkson. This is hard to overcome. You may have a great song, but someone has beaten you to it.
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Yeah, I see what you mean....Unless, I record the music with a Rap/Folk/Barber-Shop Quartet/Zydeco kinda feel....that might distinguish it. Thanks Jim, Blues
Write on, Man, Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." Mahatma Gandhi
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[color:#000099]Hey Bluesriff, Two things, keep or sweep (1) The title. I know some will say it doesn't matter since a title cannot be copyrighted... but the Eagles had a big hit with the same. The title is the first thing a publisher knows about your song. If it looks familiar, he or she may not even take the time to pop in your CD for a listen. color] Hi Folks-Blues/Shayne.... First, I totally respect Shayne's songwriting skills, knowledge & experience. Although there have been many covers of hit songs over time, that became hits themselves. (good topic for a thread)... One good example is YOU WERE MEANT FOR ME a tune written in 1929 sung by Gene Kelly in 1952, (Singing In The Rain movie) was covered by Jewel, 1996 becoming a big hit... "It was the second single from that album and went on to receive a great deal of recognition. It became a hit and reached #2 on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100 and went to number one on the Adult Contemporary chart for a single week. Foolish Games/You Were Meant For Me ranked at #15 on Billboard's All Time Top 100."Of course Jewel's version was completely different from the original, and there were decades of space between publishing's. I feel it's the strength of your song that counts....and "who you know!" The Eagle's ALREADY GONE is monumental in hit status, but as in Jewel's case, one (I would think) would not be composing similar ideas, music, or lyric. I have a song on www.soundclick.com/coolcatcal titled THINK IT OVER....coincidentally, Shayne's comment regarding publishers tossing a "same titled" song hold some weight; My song was pitched with others to Scotty Turner Buried Treasure Publishing Nashville TN a while back. http://buddyholly.pagesperso-orange.fr/scottyturner.htm http://www.serge.org/musicmorsels/meet.htmI did not know this but Scotty produced one of Buddy Holly's tunes titled THINK IT OVER 1958 , pointing this out in his feedback letter, also mentioning; "Sometimes same titled [i]songs get mixed up and royalties go to the wrong [/i] writer" ...not enough to bother me...yuk, yuk.... and I like my THINK IT OVER melody, lyric & groove better than Buddy's...( will ad a bridge & tweek a couple lyric)...I did a BMI and ASCAP search on several of my titles...a few had up to 18 to 60 same titles...my best songs, fortunately, did not come up with same titles as others. I feel, one is better off, especially as a unknown songwriter, to come up with fresh unique catchy song titles. But don't give up the ship if you feel your song has hit quality. Keep writing! Cal
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Many interesting points, Cal. I figured it could be a hindrance but like you said, if the lyrics and the music distinguish it and gives it merit on it's on, it could withstand any unfavorable comparisons. On the same note, I wrote a melody a few years ago and attached it to lyrics I had written in 1989 at the start of the Gulf War in 1989/90 called "Shine". I was pretty proud of the melody and the song as a whole but upon posting it I was instantly accused of ripping off the melody from "Puff the Magic Dragon"....Although I was familiar with the song it wasn't at all influential to me..yet upon re-listening to my song and re-familiarizing myself with the classic, I certainly did hear the resemblance, and since (although the copyright statute might have elapsed) I have since added the original title with my title, just to avoid embarrassment...but it was NEVER my intention to rip-off the song, yet, it appears i did. I've attached the link to the song, "Shine (Puff the Magic Dragon)" in case you'd like to hear the song that caused a minor uproar on another site. Would really like your opinion on "stumbling on" a familiar musical idea... and can you legally call it your own? http://www.reverbnation.com/open_graph/song/13733067Thanks Cal for the wonderful insight. Michael
Write on, Man, Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." Mahatma Gandhi
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Hey Michael, About the only way to know if you've "stumbled upon" another melody (if you're not aware of it) is to play it for others and ask them if they've heard that melody.
Of course, one of the most (if not THE most) famous examples of this is when Paul McCartney dreamed the melody for "Yesterday" (working title "Scrambled Eggs") and played it for everyone because he wasn't sure it was original...it's a wonder some dirtbag didn't steal his melody after telling him, "Yeah, I think I've heard that melody, better not use it..."
“I usually start with a title or maybe a little rhyme or phrase.” - Harlan Howard
Co-writing = Compromise!
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Yeah, it does..but I insist it was unintentional...at the time I felt it original. Thank you, Cal...you've been a wealth of knowledge. mike
Write on, Man, Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." Mahatma Gandhi
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I see what you are saying Shayne. It apparently happens more often than not. Joe Satriani sued Cold play a few years ago for using a piece of his melody...not sure the outcome but my question, as it relates to my case,.... how do you distinguish between an overt act of copyright infringement vs an unintentional use of a melody that is stamped into our subconscious mind? Considering the narrow range of western music, how can we NOT avoid using those influences in our own music and at what point does it become malicious? How can you defend yourself? Mike
Write on, Man, Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." Mahatma Gandhi
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I wrote a song in 2001, one of my very first songs...well, my Mom just loved it. And no one in my home town OR my online songwriting friends would tell me that I had stolen my melody from a hit record. When I came to Nashville, thankfully, one of my new friends pulled me aside and suggested I listen to the other song, and see if maybe I had subconsciously lifted the melody. It only took me a couple of measures to realize what I had done. I haven't played my song since. We all must be cautious that when we share a new song, that it is, in fact, new. BTW, Cal, Jewel's song was not the same song as the Gene Kelly song. She wrote her song with another writer, Steve Poltz, another example of multiple usage of a title, which of course cannot be copyrighted.
Last edited by CowboySlim; 03/22/13 06:58 AM.
Come see CowboySlim when he's in your town, and support your LOCAL songwriter!
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CBS,
Thank you brother. I had a rough time convincing (some) people that I didn't "steal" the melody for "Puff the Magic Dragon" when I wrote MY first song, "Shine." I didn't even care for the song and was only vaguely acquainted with it (I was born in 1964)...but it goes to show that, yes, I believe you can trap a tune in your sub-conscience, even if it has no personal significance to you. Thank you. Mike
Write on, Man, Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." Mahatma Gandhi
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HiYa BluesBro!
Last time I looked there were more'n' 7 different "YESTERDAY"S that have Charted, over the years.
Tho, Yeah, might not be Real Easy to get a Publisher fired-up re-cycling a Hit Song's Title...IF it's not a better song than the Original...
I LIKE how this'n' started-out, very Positive & Upbeat.
But THEN, it heads South, getting increasingly-Negative.
JMO, but I'd keep it on the Positive Side...Ya'd end up with a Love Song..instead of a Breakup Piece. Far-More-Marketable...JMO!
And..it'd be Quite Diffo from The Eagles' Hit...too!
Best Wishes & a Big Guy-Hug, Stan
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I can think of two songs called "Already Gone." One is by The Eagles, the other is by Kelly Clarkson. We know that titles cannot be copyrighted, but it is hard to recycle a title when it is associated with a big hit.
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To throw yet one more log on this small bonfire, several years ago, I did a title search on BMI to see if anyone had used the title that Tim Brown and I had given to one of our co-writes. We had called (and still do) the song "Fishin'". On BMI alone, there were over one THOUSAND different original songs titled "Fishin'". Armed with that knowledge, I decided to forgo a title search on ASCAP and SESAC. It was painfully obvious to me that, clever as we thought we were, we had to stand in line behind a lot of other clever people. I haven't done any other title searches, as the process seems pointless.
Come see CowboySlim when he's in your town, and support your LOCAL songwriter!
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Mike I gotta tell ya, man.. this one grates on me a bit. The storyline seems rushed. A couple falls madly in love with each other in just a few hours at a bar but in reality he wasn't ready for (another?) long term relationship due to a previous one (gone bad, I assume?) but mentions it being his first time (in a place like this).
Ugh. I'm sorry... I really don't wish to pick this apart too much. I guess I'm just in a bad mood. Forgive me.
For me, reading this as it is leaves me with the feeling that the pieces don't quite fit right.
1. Man and woman meet 2. Man and woman fall madly in love 3. Man is not emotionally ready for the relationship (immature?) 4. Woman leaves man due to #3 with no chance for reconciliation
I'm gonna think on this some more and get back to you. Sorry for the rambling.
Peace,
Dave
"Where there's a Gill, there's a way"
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BTW, Cal, Jewel's song was not the same song as the Gene Kelly song. She wrote her song with another writer, Steve Poltz, another example of multiple usage of a title, which of course cannot be copyrighted. Hey Slim- I just saw my mistake... "One good example is YOU WERE MEANT FOR ME a tune written in 1929 sung by Gene Kelly in 1952, (Singing In The Rain movie) was covered by Jewel, 1996 becoming a big hit... " why I put "covered" I don't know... should of been; "Same title was used by Jewel..." Tnx ~C~ BTW- Did you ever get my email about coming down to TN? Sent it about last October....
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Cal, I don't recall getting any emails from you in the past year or two. I still have my email addies, but it might have slipped by me, as sometimes, I go into bulk-delete mode. Also, one of my providers thought I had abandoned their service, and a lot of my contacts got deleted.
So, you are (or were) planning to come to Nashville? When? I would love to see you again, show you around some of the clubs in town. Last time I can remember you were here was in 2005.
I apologize for using this thread for personal messages, but I don't have Cal's email addy anymore.
Come see CowboySlim when he's in your town, and support your LOCAL songwriter!
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Cal, I don't recall getting any emails from you in the past year or two. I still have my email addies, but it might have slipped by me, as sometimes, I go into bulk-delete mode. Also, one of my providers thought I had abandoned their service, and a lot of my contacts got deleted.
So, you are (or were) planning to come to Nashville? When? I would love to see you again, show you around some of the clubs in town. Last time I can remember you were here was in 2005 I'll send you a PM...
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