Light hearted country, tongue in cheek. The second part of each verse picks up the tempo.

"Sold as seen"

V1
I got a call the other day from the guy who bought my house,
Shouting and (a) screaming 'cause I didn't tell him about
why I had to sell so fast
and had to move on out,
and one or two small issues that I shoulda' warned about.

He said the roof leaked in the rain,
and those draughty window panes
whistle Dixie in the wind,
It's drivin' him insane.
He just couldn't live like that...
he just wants his money back...
screaming at me down the phone
In his damp house all alone.

Chorus1
So I said 'come on man, it was sold as seen'
It's the finest house there's ever been,
And as for whistlin' dixie in the wind,
maybe you should join right in.
Read the small print when you sign
your name upon that dotted line,
Dot your 'i's and cross your 'T's
or the deal will be sold as seen......


V2
Got a call the other day from the guy who bought my truck,
changed his mind, asked me for a refund if he could.
Said it had a funny smell behind the seats inside,
(probably the spot where my old hound dog chose to die!!)

He said it backfired everytime
he crossed the local county line,
and he swore to God, that whining noise
sounds like the damned thing's cryin'
He just couldn't drive like that,
he just wants his money back
pleading at me all the time
while stranded on that county line.


Chorus2
So I said 'Easy man, it was sold as seen'
Trucks like that are far between.
That smell won't be there for much longer
(well, not until it's gotten stronger...)
Read the small print when you sign
your name upon that dotted line,
Dot your 'i's and cross your 'T's
or the deal will be sold as seen......


Bridge
I might have driven a hard bargain
but I knew I had to find,
a way to keep my baby sweet
when I asked her to be mine...

V3
Finished work the other day, stopped off for a Bud'
before going home to find out what my baby'd cooked me up.
I found her sitting on the couch, with thunder on her face...
with her coat on, ready to walk out with overnight suitcase.

She said it's not right that you're not here
'cause you're somewhere drinking beer
I'm tellin' you it's gonna stop
so don't you shed a tear.....
This bad habit stops today
from now you're going to behave,
Be my husband if you want to stay
I'll be your wife but not your slave...

chorus3
Then she said 'this girl, was sold as seen'
with no surprises inbetween.
You can pull your weight like me
divorces, they don't come for free.
should have read the small print when you signed
your name upon that dotted line,
dot your 'I's and cross your 'T's
'cause this deal has been sold as seen.

copyright Gary Parr 2010 all rights reserved