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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Leafs
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/05/24 01:49 PM
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Cafe Wha?
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/04/24 03:30 PM
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 4,096
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 4,096 |
Mcfortunato,
I really like this. I don't think the word but is needed in the last line of the verses.
One line that bothered me was the wounds sting and heat. I don't think heat works.
Maybe, you're burdened with defeat, or metaphorically speaking something about Gods mercy seat.
Just my few thoughts,
Good song
Geneva
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