Thanks for the input, Cheyenne. Of course, what you are describing is not really a rewrite but a completely different song. This one is about emotional repression, the singer's inability to express his feelings. What you describe is a good old rant at familiar targets and a laundry list of grievances. That could certainly work, and it could be fun if I could find a way to steer clear of cliches, but with a completely different melody, lyrics and theme, I would call that a whole new song smile

"Would anyone ask how can I have a nervous breakdown ???" Not normally, of course, but that is kind of the point. It's supposed to be a bit unusual to pique the curiosity of the listener.

I'm beginning to think that the title is part of the problem here. People are expecting a song about having a nervous breakdown, rather than one about not being able to and kind of wishing he could. I'm thinking one little change at the end of each verse might help. Instead of...

"But I don't
I won't"

"But I don't
I can't"


"But I don't
I know I won't"

I think the second one is probably better as it preserves the rhyme.

Or I suppose I could insert a bridge to kind of spell it out more clearly.