YES have to agree with VIC needs to be more manic ?, at this time

its a bit too ,jolly --- I belive repetitive notes would suit the subject better

I hear it as a Punk Song , and given the right treatment with

the right singer it could be a hit ? But Would anyone ask

how can I have a nervous breakdown ???

Needs to be (in my humble opinion )

I think I'm heading for a Nervous Breakdown

Then you could list all the ways you and us are fed up with being

ripped off via household bills and Telephone sales , plus of course

successive governments-- That way the

public could be sympathetic to the emotion you are writing about

JUST SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT

Try out my suggestions ? you have nothing to lose ?

and you always have your original to fall back on
-
I belive Hit Song are Re Written ---- not Just Written

PS
The public need to identify Why you ( The Singer) are basically Pissed of with life

GAVIN

Tell us the reasons for having a breakdown , and you need to exaggerate them

The vocals need to express someone on the verge of going mad so to speak

at this time its more like a happy birthday vocal




Last edited by Cheyenne; 06/19/19 04:20 AM.

One of the most important principles of songwriting is to remember that a good song is a partnership of many different components, all working together to produce a satisfying musical experience.

In that respect, song components are either enhancing or compromising their combined effects.