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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
Top 50 Poster
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Top 50 Poster
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909 |
You have good use of rhyme and progression of story
Got on board a big jet liner ...who did?...you or me/I ?
the personal pronouns in the rest are based on this...I suggest shortening it...nothing gained by repetitions.
Miss You Night and Day
Verse
You Got on board a big jet liner
Took off into the sky.
Left no text or Dear John letter.
No explanation why.
Tell me you’ll apologize.
You'll make it up to me
Make it up to me
Chorus
I’m lonely, lonely, lonely;
Miss you night and day.
You’re my one and only.
Why’d you go away?
I’m lonely, lonely, lonely;
Miss you night and day.
Verse
I've Got no way to reach out to you.
No way to say come home.
You Left no FUTURE DESTINATION text or Dear John letter *...avoid using this line again...
No working telephone.
Tell me you’ll apologize.
You'll make it up to me
Make it up to me
Chorus
I’m lonely, lonely, lonely;
Miss you night and day.
You’re my one and only.
Why’d you go away?
I’m lonely, lonely, lonely;
Miss you night and day.
Bridge
I never heard you cry.
Never saw a tear.
Don’t know how I hurt you.
Why you disappeared.
Chorus
I’m lonely, lonely, lonely;
Miss you night and day.
You’re my one and only.
Why’d you go away?
I’m lonely, lonely, lonely;
Miss you night and day.
Last edited by Neil Cotton; 01/12/19 03:15 PM.
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