Hi Walt.

Your rhymes in verses 1 & 2 are AA and BB but verse 3 has no rhyme on the first two lines.
This can work sometimes but it sounds wrong here.
You could try something like:
Graduation night came, things got kinda awkward.
His friends kept tempting him with that demon bottle.

The chorus seems like it has one too many lines (Fly away, angel, [E] take that boy’s heart [A] with you)
You could cut that or maybe sing it a different way.

The bridge seems to end on a sneering note by ending on "He didn’t have a scratch".
You could swap lines two and 4 and sing the "scratch" word without sneering.

These are just my own feelings about it so use or lose.

Vic

It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold